Let's Complicate it Some More
by Black Fingernails Red Wine
Summary: Finished - with an Epilogue. Mer/Mark Mer/Der with everyone else as well. Mark and Meredith fake a relationship to get Derek and Addison's attention, but soon they start paying each other a little more attention then they anticipated...
1. HeartStopper

Well this is it I guess – enjoy

Disclaimer – I own nothing, except for most of the plot (I lifted some of the lines for realism) if you know the show you'll recognise them – they're not mine

Song play a big part in the show, so I though I'd use a bit of inspiration. Today's is by Emiliana Torrini – Again nothing belongs to me

Re-done with quotation marks. sorry to thoes who complained. been studying lots of modern literature lately - its a good way to make people focus on what your writing, but I'm easy going, _if you ask nicely_

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**_Chapter one_**

**HeartStopper **

A small pile of assorted nuts lay across the bar. Meredith toyed with the discarded shells. Staring off into the distance. Mark was seated beside her, with something else on his mind. They'd been quietly downing drinks for almost two hours and Meredith was beginning to get the familiar sense of dejavu.

o

"I don't think she's coming." He said quietly, staring down at the bar.

"If it helps, this isn't the first time a Shepard stood up a mistress." Meredith slurred

"Not really." He laughed, still not looking at her. "But you tried…god, this is embarrassing."

"Don't be." She said flinging her hand dismissively. "We've all been there"

"Well, I'm getting that impression."

"That's not very fair!" She said, resting her head of the bar…the conversation paused.

"What did you do…when he didn't…?" He asked, coming out of his daze, and looking her straight in the eye for the first time.

"Which time?" She sighed

"That bad?"

"Yeah".

"Should I go back to New York?"

"Why are you asking me?" Meredith tittered. "You can see just how successful I am! I asked him weeks ago, and I'm still waiting here…"

"Well, you're doing better then I am." He sighed.

"No, we've been through this." Meredith said. "I'm the sad one"

"You're the drunk one." He laughed. Then hiccuped

"I'm the drunk one, huh?" Meredith garbled. "Joe! Can we get another drink here?"

"I'm sorry kids!" Joe yelled from the other side of the bar, where he was washing glasses. "It's almost closing."

"Well, in that case, can we grab…two coffees?" He asked in Meredith's direction. She nodded.

"So what are you going to do?" She asked, leaning on the bar again. Twirling her hair drunkenly in her fingers.

"Well, there's not much left to do. I think I lost."

"That's it?" She asked. "You flew…from New York just for that?" He didn't reply

"Maybe I should've done that." She said and stumbled off the bar stool, and out the pub.

She looked dumbly around for her car. It stood over all the other side of the relatively empty hospital parking lot. And by the time she reached it she had to stop and hold onto the door handle to keep her head from spinning as she went for her keys. Not even thinking about the alcohol she had consumed.

o

"Missing something?" Came a call from behind her. It was Mark, with her handbag and jacket. "You left in a hurry." He laughed. "The bartender gave me a few funny looks when I was the one who left with the bag."

"Do you want to know what I do?" She asked, as he came over and helped her put on his jacket.

"What are you talking about?" He laughed

"When Derrick doesn't come, and chooses her over me?"

"What do you do?" He asked lifting her hand off the door handle

"I get drunk and sleep with inappropriate men." She smiled a drunken smile at him, it wasn't an invitation, but she was half way there. And he hadn't been with another person since Addison. That was a long time ago. They didn't need to think. Tequila and scotch was doing that for them. He lifted her head up and kissed her.

"I think you'd have a hard time trying to find someone as inappropriate as I am."

o

George sat up on his bed, waiting for a sound that wasn't Izzy feeding her beast in the room across the hall. Normally he would drown out the sound of his two housemates' late night adventures with music, but he was waiting to hear Meredith come home. By this stage she'd be drunk, and probably upset. What was he thinking? Meredith was always upset! No one treated her right. She needed him. He was going to do what no brain surgeon could do, and make her happy.

He stopped as he heard a door open and close. What was she doing home now? Did this mean that he was really going to talk to her? He had made no preparations or combed his hair. What was he going to say? He changed clothes and fixed his shaggy hair in the mirror, repeating: "I will always love you Meredith."

o

Izzy was making enough noise for two satisfied women as George stepped out into the corridor. The hypocrite. It must be keeping Meredith up. She'll want a distraction. She'll want someone to talk to. George knew, being on the receiving end countless nights. Nothing made you want sex more then when you have to listen to it, alone.

o

_Like children, we never give up hope…_

o

He knocked. She didn't answer. He knew she was in there. Did she want to be alone? No one wants to be alone. He knocked again. Was she upset? She needed someone, he watcher her and how alone she was. He resolved to put a stop to her pain and without waiting he opened the door.

o

Meredith was not alone. And the expression on her face, although in any other situation could be interpreted as one of distress, was definitely not an upset one. He didn't stay. He should have known. But he didn't know what to think as he traipsed back to his room. He was numb. He looked in his mirror at the idiot staring back at him for the rest of the night, listening to his love drown her sorrows in anyone other then him.

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I hope you enjoyed it – please review, I need the encouragement! 

(I'd love a beta too if any one's interested)


	2. The Future Freaks Me Out

**I don't own any of it, but you know that. **A lot of the lines from the show are used here, to the best of my memory. it's the last time that I _really_ do it. i was stuck. the lines are what really inspired the story, and gave me an idea of what the characters would say. but i think i'm on track now!

the song is from Motion City Soundtrack. Give it a spin!

* * *

**_Chapter two_**

**The Future Freaks Me Out**

_Every person has a plan, wether that is a long term dream, like being a world-renowned surgeon…or an important relationship predicament, like telling the person that you love, that you love them…or even just waking up on time in the morning, with the smallest possible hangover…not everything works out right_.

o

"Christ! What time is it?"

"Shhh!" Meredith mumbled. "Just want to sleep."

"You can say that again"

"But have to work." She rolled over and realised again, who she'd taken home

"What?" He asked wrapping his arms around her body

"I'm going to get in trouble for this I can just feel it."

"You know," Mark said propping himself up on one elbow, letting the other hand run though the already stressed girl's hair. "For what that was, that wasn't half bad."

She laughed. "Was that a compliment?"

"Maybe."

"Doesn't stop this being a mistake." She said, though still smiling

"You, have an awful bedside manner." He said. "And for a girl that got me drunk…and made me miss my flight…. and leave all my belongings at the hospital, your not so accommodating now."

Meredith started to laugh. "How much more can I screw this up?"

o

George knew that whoever was with Meredith was not Dr Shepard. He thought it was someone…But Meredith wouldn't be that stupid. He stepped out into the corridor in time to see Alex dart out of Izzy's room. George also had high hopes for Izzy's intellect, only to have them crushed…repeatedly. Meredith left her room, smiling, until she saw Georges' hurt, disappointed face. Izzy chose the same time to emerge from her room, in PJs still and huge sex hair and looked between the two.

"Morning, morning." She said fixing up her top. "What? So I slept with him again. So I'm a big whore. A big horny whore who can't get enough. So can we get over the shocked silence already?"

Her words kept echoing inside the two troubled roommates minds. George stared, pissed off, at Meredith. And She couldn't stop thinking, Guiltily, about the man who was still in her room.

"What's going on?" Izzy asked

"Nothing." Meredith replied, staring oddly at George.

"What?" He asked. Both the girls looked away and left the corridor. George stayed staring numbly into space again, partly because of his feeling for Meredith and the rest just due to the 5 o'clock morning and the lack of coffee. George quickly snapped out of it as Alex left the bathroom. George was about to take a shower when he saw Dr Sloan creep across to the bathroom…Dr Mark Sloan. Meredith was obliviously not the brightest crayon in the box when it came to choosing men with the least problems attached. So how could George compete? He never did. He waited his turn in his room.

o

George dodged Meredith all day. All the interns could sense the tension.

"Ten bucks says O'Malley caught her doing Mark Sloan." Izzy whacked Alex.

"There's something going on," she said. "Look at them."

"Uh huh." Christina replied, and they both started walking over to George.

"Interns! Rounds!" Came the chorus of the three remaining residents.

"We'll find out what's going on with you two." Christina said to George. "So you can save yourself some pain if you dish…now."

"There's nothing to tell."

"Meredith?"

"Nothing…happened." She answered, confused

"Sure it didn't!" Christina chimed.

"Bailey's Interns?" Said the chief, who had just entered the Interns' locker room

"Yes chief?" Christina said, racing up to Dr Webber

"Two of you have to check on Dr Burke's patients and three more to take rooms 505 to 515!"

"Yes chief!" They responded, and all issues were momentarily forgotten as their workday started.

o

Dr Mark Sloan paid the taxicab outside the front of the hospital car park and waited beside Grey's car. She was right. He couldn't go back to New York. He'd had all morning, nursing a headache and lying in a new woman's bed to formulate a plan and now all he had to do was put it into action.

o

_Sometimes plans aren't things you blindly walk towards, hoping for the best…for everything to work out. Sometimes you have to take the responsibility for your future and decide what you're going to do. Or not do…_

o

"George, you know how the rumour mill works in this place." Said Izzy, while examining the coma patient. "We will find out."

"Actually, the whole hospital will find out." Christina said, reviewing the scans.

"No they won't…I mean there's; there's nothing to find out." George stuttered, while the other girls laughed.

"Bambi, you are just too easy!"

"Come one next patient!" They called, as they left him alone with Mr Torrini

"I don't know...if I can handle much more of this." He said to the unconsciousness body. And he left in the other direction. They were obviously over staffed. And he needed some space.

o

"What happened with you and O'Malley?"

"Nothing"

"Well, what ever it is I've done worse."

"How do you know I did something? How do you know George didn't do something?"

"'Cause Bambi looks pissed and you, look guilty."

"Fine, I did something." Meredith said

"Oh yeah, what?" Alex asked

"Don't make it a competition." Meredith warned, leaving the MRI room. "I'll beat you."

o

George moped around the hospital. There was no Bailey to tell him what to do and Christina and Izzy were overpowering him on all the cases he was assigned to. He was about to hide in the waiting room when he heard Alex and Meredith chatting.

"You." Alex said. "Cannot beat me in this. I'm Alex: it's my job."

"I'm trying to hide here." Meredith replied sulkily. "I don't want to talk about it."

"So you slept with O'Malley. Big Deal

"Give me some credit. I would never sleep with George." Meredith retorted.

"You wouldn't?" George asked, coming out from behind the door

"George?" Meredith said, awkwardly

"Am I that bad? Would sleeping with me be that bad"

"George!"

"What is it about me? Huh?" He asked, angrily. "You only sleep with surgeons that are known halfway across the planet? I know I'm not your type of guy. But have you ever thought that…that maybe, maybe the reason that you have to hide everyday is because your type of guy isn't…isn't me."

o

He paused and waited, but everyone was too surprised. He turned around to storm off only to see Christina and Izzy standing, stunned in the door way

"George…"Izzy started

"Move." He said angrily and pushed pass them. Every remaining intern turned to look at Meredith.

"What?" She said getting up, hurt and angry. "What am I supposed to do?"

"Meredith…"Izzy started

'Dr Grey' the loud speaker interrupted 'Can you please see to your car', 'Dr Grey, can you please see to your car.'

"I have to go." She said, and stormed out of the room to find her keys.

o

Sure enough, when Meredith made her way to the car park the alarm was blaring its different array of siren sounds. She quickly turned it off, so no more patients were disturbed and went around the other side of the car to check for damage.

"Hey." Said Mark, who was sitting on the kerbside. "Bit irresponsible, leaving your alarm blaring, waking up recovering patients."

"You." Said Meredith, bringing her hands to her face and leaning against her car. "I don't think I can deal with you as well now. Did you set my alarm off?"

"You…"he said, getting up gingerly. "Look sad again."

"Do you really want to know?" She asked, looking up at him as he too leant on the car. He didn't say no, so she started. "My roommate had this thing for me, since…he met me, I guess. And he chose today…to tell me in front of everyone."

"And you love Derrick."

"Normally I could just ignore George's feelings, but…what am I supposed to say to him. That I don't like him? That I'm still in love with the married neurosurgeon who enjoys bring my hopes up and then going back to his wife, I…"

"Shhh." Said Mark. Putting his arms around her, as she started to cry.

"I don't want to make Derrick angrier." Meredith said, pulling back and wiping her face.

"Meredith, I love Addison." Mark said slowly. "But she is never going to leave Derrick until he leaves her. And while Derrick is in love with you…"

"He's not in love with me." Meredith interrupted

"Shh." Mark said again putting a finger to her lips. "While Derrick is in love with you, he also loves Addison. He's growing complacent; he knows could have the both of you if he wanted."

Meredith just looked at him, and he moved his finger to have his hand cup her face.

"Derrick has to make up his mind, before any one can be happy. But he is so indecisive… that, if he feels that he can put it off for as long as he can…he will."

"There's nothing I can do Mark." Meredith said softly. "I've put myself out there…and so have you."

"And that didn't work, so maybe we should do the opposite. Maybe you shouldn't put yourself out there. Let Derrick think that he might not be able to choose you, cause someone else has beaten him to it."

"So you want me to date someone, to make someone else chose me? What if he thinks that it's too late? And what about the poor guy? That's so selfish…"Meredith paused, thinking. "You want me to date George? Seriously? That's not fair on him!"

"No." Mark said with a laugh. "I want you to date me."

Meredith laughed. "You have a sense of humour."

"No really." He said. "We're both emotionally attached to someone else. And we know it so we can't hurt each other. I don't think that there's another person that could piss off Derrick more then me. He'd have to do something. I'm getting something out of it, because I can make my move on Addison, when they realise how much of a charade their marriage is…. And…the sex was great."

"Can you imagine what everyone would say?" Meredith asked, exasperated

"From what I've heard, you've been in the spotlight here from day one." Mark said, smiling. "You wouldn't know what to do if people weren't talking about you."

o

_The problem with a plan is that it seems to signal some form of change, because more so then less…the something that your planning towards is different, much different to what you might have now. You don't know where they're going to go. Or where they'll take you. If you'll take plan A or plan B, or whose plans you're a part of. But we have to plan. Because if we don't plan. We'll never get anywhere._

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tell me what you think! 


	3. Who is He and What is He to You

don't own any of the character, the settings etc. nothing! a couple of proverbs have been shoved in there too!

the song, little older - Who is He and What is He to You, by Bill Withers

It's an awsome song. Seriously. Check it out!

* * *

**_Chapter three_**

**Who is He and What is He to You**

_Jealousy is a powerful emotion. Shakespeare showed us that it drove Othello to kill his one true love. And while it may not always turn us to murder. It can still take us to the edge. It's raw. We can't stop ourselves from feeling jealous; It's out of our control. But it doesn't take much to make others suffer from it._

o

Meredith stared at Mark, who was wearing the same clothes from last night, and the day before. But this time, instead of being the ruined man at the bar, he wore a cool face of determination that softened when he smiled at her. Meredith couldn't smile. At the moment all she could do is worry. She turned and took a few steps towards the hospital.

"I don't think that I can do it." Meredith stopped, turned around to face him and began to ramble. "Not now. Oh god. What if he doesn't pick me? What if they stay together? What if we just help them…together?"

"Okay, okay. Firstly, I'm old fashioned; I believe that the man should make the first move. You don't have to do anything…now. And secondly, he will pick you. And even if he doesn't, their relationship would be so strong that we…never really had a chance."

"So, we're just speeding things up?"

"Yes we are. Now go and spend some time around the nurses' station. I'll be there in five."

o

Meredith did as she was told. She couldn't argue, not properly, not today. Today all she could do was Stand by the nurses station, filling out the files that had been ignored by the other inturns. She never enjoyed this post. No one here was dieing. No one needed Surgery. No, everyone here was gossiping. And normally, it was about her. She hated it because, while she had a solid group of friends, there was a whole community at this hospital that she didn't know. And this community knew everything about her.

o

"Dr Grey? You're not doing anything important." A nurse called from across the station. "Can you go and fetch the belongings of the visiting surgeon from the attending locker room?"

"Sorry? Where?" Meredith asked coming out of her paperwork daze

"Locker 405, Dr Grey. Fetch it, Bag it and bring it here." The nurse replied sulkily, returning to the back of the throng of nurses surrounding Dr Mark Sloan.

"Right." Meredith smirked, and walked off on her errand.

o

When Meredith returned, what was a worshipping circle had become a scene. While the nurses had dispersed, Dr Webber was having a furious whispered conversation with the plastic surgeon in the corner. Nurses, doctors and visitors were trying as inconspicuously as possible to listen in on the conversation. Everyone was obvious and no one heard a thing. Until Mark spotted Meredith.

"You think about it chief." Mark called out as he walked towards everyone's favourite scandal. "Thank you, Dr grey." He said, putting his hand on her shoulder as he received his bag.

"Not a problem, Dr Sloan."

He leaned in (and so did all the spectators) and whispered: "So what's your locker number?"

"Seriously?" She whispered, confused.

"Yes…"

"225"

"I don't think it was ever meant to be." Dr Sloan said uneasily to Meredith/audience. "Them and us…"

And with that he walked out. Letting every pair of eyes follow him until he left. And then, suddenly…Meredith was the centre of attention…again.

o

Christina and Meredith were examining a concussion patient after lunch. Except Christian seemed more interested in examining Meredith, then discharging the patient.

"Well you wouldn't be you if you weren't surrounded by scandal." Christina remarked, lazily flipping though Mrs Withers' chart.

"I'm not particularly fond of myself, if that's the case," Meredith mumbled.

"You love it." Christina said, moving around behind Meredith, and sitting on the empty bed. "I think you literally go and seek it out."

"What right does he have telling me about what I should do with my self…seriously?"

"George?" Christina asked. "Him…just being around you is like a walking advertisement for his little, Bambi cartoon romance."

"Christina." Meredith warned

"Oh c'mon. Like any of that was a surprise?" Christina scoffed. "You have to be careful with what you do now, you don't want to…well, don't shoot Bambi's mother if you don't have to."

"I am being careful." Meredith said, checking Mrs Withers' heart beat.

"You are not!" Christina laughed. "What this I hear about you and McSteamy."

"We have a lot in common," Meredith said gingerly. "Mrs Withers, I need you to roll you over"

"I heard you were making out this morning."

"What?" Meredith exclaimed

"God, you're just as easy as George."

"Excuse me dear," Mrs Withers interrupted. "I'm feeling a little nauseous."

"Yeah, That's a normal symptom of concussion." Christina said, sitting up and helping Meredith turn the patient. "That one finished with you two and the Shepards in the elevator. I liked the creativity, but didn't really beli…"

But Mrs Withers vomiting on the two inturns scrubs interrupted Christina's rant.

"You know," Christina remarked. Rolling Mrs Withers back over. "I should stop hanging out with you. Bad stuff." She said waving her hands in Meredith's face. "It just follows you around, doesn't it?"

o

"God!" Izzy called as Christina and Meredith entered the locker room. "You guys smell like…"

"Vomit?" Christina asked, raising her eyebrows, frustrated

"We know." Meredith whined

Just then Alex and George also entered the room. George had obviously spent the last few hours putting up with Alex's jibes and was in no mood for talk. Especially when he saw Meredith and Christina in the second bay. He pretended he needed a drink from the cooler.

"Flowers O'Malley?" Alex said, running up to him and giving him a slap on the back, making George shoot water out of his nose.

"Old school." Alex said, not letting George loose him as he went to see Meredith. "I wouldn't have done it myself…Man!" Alex put his arm contemptuously around George. "That's one large bunch of roses O'Malley!"

"I…I…"George stuttered, ashamed. "That wasn't me."

And he caught Meredith' eye. They just looked at each other as everyone commented around them. Oblivious.

"Sorry." She whispered and stuffed the roses back into her locker and ran off to the shower.

Alex quickly let go of George who ran back to his drink tap almost immediately. "What?" He asked as the two girls gave him their best death stare. "Oh no, you can't blame this on me. I though O'Malley had finally grown some balls…and done something more proactive. Instead of, I dunno, whinging about it…this, is not my bad."

Alex sat down on the bench and was closely followed by the two girls. All three stared up at the locker.

"So who are they from?" Said Alex

"What's with this…caring?" Christina asked cynically.

"Oh, c'mon Yang, a bit of drama. Don't tell me you don't want to know."

"So it wasn't George." Izzy said slowly.

"And McDreamy's been in Surgery all day." Alex joined in

"No really." Christina said. "Are you ill?"

"I've been hanging out with you too long." He said and moved into kiss Izzy.

"Okay." Christina said, standing up. "Now I'm ill…we have a very small window of opportunity here. I'm going to find out."

"You can't go through her stuff!" Izzy protested

"Um, I can…" said Christina. "And I will"

"Sloan." George mumbled, wiping his face, coming around the corner. "Don't go though her stuff. I saw him in the house this morning. "

"Sorry?" Said Izzy

"Dr Mark Sloan!" Yelled George and he walked out of the locker room.

"Man, that kid has some competition!" Alex laughed as he got up and left.

o

_No matter how much you might want someone to notice you. You would always rather bring the attention your self then have someone else do it for you._

o

Meredith stepped into the elevator. She should've anticipated that Derrick would be alone in the elevator, she should have taken the stairs.

He smiled at her. He always seemed happy…well content. Troubled, but content. And that wasn't fair.

"I wanted you to scrub in on Mr Meyers' surgery today." He started smiling at her

"Bailey's not here…it's a mess." She replied staring straight at the elevator door.

"Are you ok?" He said, his look of happiness turning into one of concern.

"I think I just lost a friend…no don't talk." She said determined to look straight at the wall. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Well, I could be your new friend?"

"You don't want to be my friend." Meredith said turning to look at him. "I make a terrible friend."

"I don't believe that, and any way." Derrick said, charismatically. "I make a very good friend. We could balance each other out."

"You do not want to be my friend." Meredith said. "We can't be friends. That's it."

"Don't try and finish this." Derrick warned playfully, as he left the lift. "I'll take it as a challenge."

o

"Ah good!" The chief exclaimed, looking over the top of his paperwork at the two attendings. "You're here. Take a seat."

They moved towards the two armchairs. Derrick pulling Addison's chair out for her.

"Thanks." She acknowledged.

"Addison, Derrick. I brought you in here today as friends, not as staff. As I have a proposition that…I don't want to do this to either of you but…"

"Chief…"

"Dr Mark Sloan approached me today and asked me for a job."

"He did what?" Derrick stood up.

"Isn't he going back to New York?" Addison asked

"He says," the chief started slowly. "That he's taken with the city and has asked New York for a short leave to see how work is here."

"Oh god." Derrick sat back down and put his head in his hands.

"Now, we haven't spoken officially." The chief said, looking between the two. "And I want to give you both sufficient warning. But, if he is prepared to comprise, which I think he is, the hospital would be crazy not to take him aboard."

"Richard…" Addison started. "You saw what one-day did…to us. Can you imagine him working here permanently?"

"I'm sure it won't be easy. And I do value both your talents more then his. But if there is the slightest chance that you think that this hospital could still be…functional, I implore you to allow me to negotiate something with him."

"Derrick?"

"Chief," Derrick said, slowly standing up. "Thanks for the heads up. "

"Derrick?" Addison asked again, following him as he left Dr Webber's office. "We have to talk about this!"

"I know we do Addison." He called over his shoulder. "But not here. Not now."

"When Derrick?" She replied, exasperated. "When?"

"How about dinner? Tonight?" He replied, turning around with a smile as he reached the lift and pressed the button. "Not somewhere classy, I won't finish till late. And this city closes early."

"That sounds…great, Derrick." Addison said, surprised, and smiled at her husband until her walked into the empty lift.

o

But lifts in Seattle Grace do not remain empty for long. After Derrick finish surgery he stepped into a left with a rather embarrassed Meredith Grey and a slightly wilted bunch of roses. He didn't know what to say.

"Look, you know the person who…" She gestured to the roses. "Gave me these. I'm not telling you. I don't want to…embarrass him."

"But I'm your friend." He said, choosing to joke about it, badly. "You should tell me."

"And what would you do with that information?"

"Well, I could put him in his place." He said softly

"What did you say?"

"Nothing."

"You know. Maybe I want to have someone else like me…who doesn't love someone else! Who isn't going to go back to Addison when he's finished with me!" Meredith said softly, realising the irony.

"Look, Meredith…"

"Don't." She said as the lift doors opened.

o

_Love sees sharply, hatred sees even more sharp, but jealousy see the sharpest for it is love and hate at the same time. But it is born out of doubt._

o

Meredith walked out to her car. Slowly. She fingered the tiny card that she'd ripped off the flowers in her pocket. 'Enjoy the show? I know you didn't. Dinner?' And sure enough he was there. Well, parked beside her in a flashy rental. The light on, illuminating him and his book. She knocked on the window. Then opened the door and sat down.

"I don't think I'm up to Dinner." She said, closing her eyes and reclining in the leather seat.

"I was thinking more, Chinese takeaway. Nice bottle of red wine." He reached over her and put his book in the glove box.

"We are not going to my place. They're…my friends. They're driving me insane with questions. "

"My hotel. No friends. Just wine." He said. "And a heater. How do you cope?"

She laughed, for the first time that day, "Oh just go, before I can argue. This is such a horrible idea."

"You know." He said, smiling and starting the car. "This: I'm a bad decision thing isn't doing great things for my ego."

She laughed as they drove away from the hospital.

o

_So when the doubt fades, and the real situation is revealed, what happens to jealousy? The feeling either goes away or becomes something much, much worse. We can only hope that it all turns out in the end_

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Please love me...and review! I really want some-NICE-criticism.


	4. NightBirds

**I own nothing. you know that. **

big thanks go out to my Beta - Best thing since cookies (she's a champion) - if there bits that aren't fixed up, its cause i had last minute ideas and couldn't wait, sorry! I had to up load...i think i'm addicted. but the first step is admitting it, right?

Aaah you people reviewed! I know we've only been seeing each other for a short time, but...i love you guys! Although i'm really serious about you...I don't want to give away the ship just yet. you'll cope!

some one suggested that i stole my ideas from their story. i can assure you that I took most of my first chapters straight from the show (well how i saw it). I wrote this fic because I like the character of Mark and wanted to see him put up a bit of a fight (ok, i just can't say no to another hottie). Right before i posted i found a story by 'the Trouble' it's really well written, but eerily similar - i was freaked out! but i did pm to say what had happened. Look, we don't have a lot to work with when it come to the character of Mark. But i can assure you that _this_ story has been floating around _my _stupid head non-stop at the moment!

Okay the title/song is by Ryan Adams - and it's beautiful!

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**_Chapter four_**

**Night Birds**

_Life is all about our feelings and how we choose to deal with them…are we born with them? Are they just a produced by masses of neurons, sending little electric shocks through our brain? We are told they are there to separate us from robots, or inanimate objects…like the couch or chair you may or may not be sitting on._

o

"I paid for the furniture as well," Mark said, confused.

"Didn't make it," mumbled Meredith who had collapsed on the floor and was leaning on the back of the nearest couch.

He'd just entered his hotel room, carefully hooking take away boxes and wine glasses on alternating fingers, but had stopped in the entrance to stare amusedly at the exhausted intern on his carpet.

"Picnic it is then!" he said with mock-enthusiasm, unhooking the wine glasses and placing them on the floor. "Chicken?"

"Yeah."

"Catch," he said, throwing the cardboard contraption at Meredith.

"What are you doing!" Meredith yelped, waking fully, scrambling to catch the box and turn it right side up. "That could've gone everywhere!"

"But it didn't, did it?"

"What did you think you were doing?"

"It's just a bit of cardboard, and yet it seals perfectly well on the first few throws."

Meredith just looked at him curtly.

He laughed at her disgruntled look. "You…" he started, pouring two generous glasses of wine, "need to lighten up a little."

o

_Apparently, they make us human. People say that our feelings should be communicated to our loved ones. But good communication is as stimulating as good coffee…and just as hard to sleep after._

o

"This," Addison said, waving her hand quickly in the air, "is a very pleasant surprise."

"So it's a cheap fast food meal that makes you happy, Addison," Derek joked. "I have been aiming too high."

"Brings back horrible memories of my budding career path…working the deep fryer. But I'm prepared to put that aside…"

"That's so generous of you," he said, through a mouthful of beefburger. There was a silence. Neither wanted to be the one to bring their marriage up.

"We don't back away from a fight Derek." Addison said slowly, fiddling with the chips spread out on the burger wrapper.

"Our marriage shouldn't be a fight…"

"Our marriage is a war." Addison said, softly. "A war, with television coverage, that's beamed into everyone's homes by the evening news."

"That's a bit extreme, don't you think?"

"You don't appreciate anything unless you've earned it."

"…I don't think we're ready…"

"I don't think we'll ever be ready…" Addison said, "We just have to grin and bear it."

"What if we can't?

"Then maybe it's not worth it." Addison sighed, staring at the food neither could be bothered eating. "The way I see it: he's just another Meredith. And she's been here the whole time, and…I don't know, Derek. We've gotten this far."

"He's just another Meredith?"

"We can do this?" Addison asked tentatively

"We seem to have done everything else."

o

An open and discarded wine bottle lay on its side. A tiny red drop lay unnoticed on the carpet. A half eaten takeaway box of chicken noodles sat inside an empty one, and was placed at the feet of the two picnickers who were sitting side by side…resting on the back of the couch.

"So," Mark started, "Since we're planning all this, we should probably discuss the type of couple we are."

"Oh, we're not a couple," Meredith corrected. "Last time I checked, I was being wooed."

"You can't play hard to get tonight, not when you spent last night so drunk and…easy"

"…Seriously?" asked Meredith, slightly insulted

"Again…" Mark said, amused, "you need to lighten up."

She glared at him, the wine giving her a playful edge. "Okay…public displays of affection?"

"For 'em"

"I shouldn't be surprised…" Meredith muttered, "Don't you ever feel uncomfortable when you're at a party, sitting on a sofa. Innocently chatting. And the person you're talking to stops. And you turn around. And there are two people you don't know, just…going for it?"

"It's an effective way of communicating your feelings!" he said defensively.

"To everyone else?"

"Didn't want everyone to know you were with Derek?"

"This isn't about Derek." She said "and besides, I'm an inturn, he's an attending."

"If I was getting that kind of action when I was an inturn, I'd…make tapes! Everyone would know."

"You wouldn't care about your job?" Meredith asked, shrewdly

"You're either good at what you do, or you're not." He said simply, "I'm good. And you were either ashamed of your relationship, or you're not good at what you do."

"It's more complicated then that." Meredith protested

"Sure it is!" He laughed. "Nick names?"

"Nope." She said, relieved at the subject change, "Never really got into it. Can't handle the whole 'Baby' thing."

"And you shouldn't." He said, pulling up a sleeve and looking at his flexed his bicep. "You want to date a real man!"

"What have I gotten myself into here?" she laughed, pushing his arm away

"A no-sofa-sex-all-man-disaster!" he said grinning

"Let's say, hypothetically, that they," and she didn't have to say who she was talking about, "prove a little harder to…convince. How long do we wait till we call it? Hypothetically."

"You're a pessimist."

"Well it means that if something goes wrong I was expecting it and if it doesn't, I'm pleasantly surprised."

"I'm meeting with your head of surgery in two days to apply for a two month…trial, I think he's calling it," he said, standing up. "Sound like enough?"

"Where are you going?"

"I have to take you home, right?"

"Oh…yes..."

o

Assorted bags of cooking ingredients were sprawled across the massive kitchen. Izzy had no problem creating a mess when she wanted to bake. She had flour in her hair and her apron didn't quite fulfil its job, but she happily wiped her forehead with the back of her hand, satisfied with her adjusted biscuit recipe. Alex was simply satisfied licking the bowl. They heard the door open.

"Is that her?" Izzy asked, putting the final try in the oven, "Alex, check who it is."

"Who is it?" Alex called, looking up from his bowl.

"I could have done that!" She said, feigning anger, pulling out the tea towel.

"Whoa there!" he said, taking a step back and putting the bowl down, "do you know what you're starting?" He reached for his own tea towel.

"Someone, Alex," said Izzy, through giggles, brandishing her tea towel, "has to teach you a lesson!"

George came into the kitchen just in time to see Alex lift Izzy over his shoulder.

"O'Malley!" Alex yelled, strangely like his brothers.

"George, help!" Izzy said, laughing and screaming protests at Alex.

He took one disgusted look at the wrestling pair and went up-stairs. He was sure Izzy didn't really mind her fate.

o

There was no conversation on the way home. He tried not to look over to Meredith, stop it from being awkward.

They'd been spoiled. To only know each other a few days and have completely relaxed conversation? Too good to be true.

He turned the corner into her street, a little sharper then he had intended and Meredith's head gently hit the window.

"You alright there?" he asked, laughing. There was no response. She must have been sleeping the whole ride. He laughed at his own self-consciousness. He pulled up to the front of the house.

"Meredith…" he said. Her hair was over her face. She didn't move. "Meredith!" He got out and went to the other side of the car, gently opening the door.

"Meredith?" he said loudly this time. He grabbed her wrist. "Not responding to external stimuli…pulse alright...breathing regular, if a bit slow. Meredith! You're either unconscious or sleeping deeply…Meredith! I hope it's the latter." He undid her seatbelt and picked her up, closing the car door with a kick.

She adjusted and leaned against him as he carried her up the steps. He smiled to himself; trust the Doctor to immediately jump to the worst conclusion. She was asleep. He needed to lighten up a little.

He'd knocked on the door before he'd realised what he'd done. Alex answered. He'd opened the door and stood there smiling slyly.

"Who is it?" Izzy called from the kitchen.

Alex looked at Dr. Sloan, silently asking if he wanted his presence known. He raised

his eyebrows and Alex quickly moved aside.

"Alex! I asked you to tell…" she came out of the kitchen and stopped. "Oh…"

"Hi," Mark said, trying to fill the awkward silence "…she might look small, but she's getting heavy…"

"Right," said Izzy with a grimace

"I'll get the door," Alex said, leading him up the stairs.

o

"Alright, what was that?" Izzy asked, leaning back on a kitchen bench, arms folded, as Alex returned to the kitchen alone.

"So she's doing Sloan," Alex said simply. "You knew that."

"But what's with the carrying her in, in his arms, dead to the world?"

"She's your friend."

"Sorry," Mark said, poking his head around the corner. "I didn't mean to come in."

"That's not a problem. Dr Sloan." Said Alex, sucking up to his new hero.

"I think," he said, looking over at Izzy, "That I am a bit of a problem."

"No! She doesn't think that!"

"I'm still a person." He said staring directly at Izzy and ignoring Alex, "And, there are worse people out there."

Izzy and Alex didn't have time to think of a response, because Mark and his momentary lapse from his nonchalant character had quickly turned and left the house.

o

Dr. Richard Webber glanced over his glasses at Dr Sloan. The chief's glance then returned to the résumé that lay on the table.

He hadn't spoken yet, and Mark was growing anxious. He was going to lie, blatantly, to the Chief of surgery at Seattle Grace Hospital. He had no fear of the consequences; in fact he was embracing them. Where had this reckless behaviour come from? It must have come from his love for Addison…but nothing had changed, not recently. Was it seeing her again…with him? No…it was meeting Derek's intern.

"You're an impressive surgeon, Dr Sloan."

"Thank you, Dr Webber," Mark replied, leaving his thoughts. "I've worked very hard to get to where I am today."

"Which begs the question…why are you coming to Seattle? You know there is a lot more support for your field in New York."

"Dr Webber, in New York there is a constant pressure on me to perform elective cosmetic surgery," he said. "I'll admit, I've conceded…hell, I've conceded enough to never work again. Sir, that's not why I became a surgeon. It was your Craniodiaphyseal dysplasia patient, the lionitis, that's why I did it. I want to start afresh, away from the…arrogance of New York."

"Your skills would be more then welcome here, Dr Sloan," the chief said, "but please don't pretend that this move is entirely professional."

"Dr Webber, I'm attempting to start afresh," he said. "I admit I originally came to Seattle to see what condition their marriage was in. I don't have a chance…and I don't think I want to. Not with Addison. But…Derek and I, we first met when we were seventeen. Time heals all wounds, Dr. Webber, and I want to set things straight."

"I can't promise anything near the salary you received in New York. But you would have the plastics department to improve and all the emergency cases you can handle."

"I can't thank you enough, Dr. Webber," he said, holding out his hand to shake. "I'm not out to cause trouble."

"You have to avoid the Shepherds and keep this hospital functional." Richard warned, withholding his hand "If, for a moment, I think the equilibrium of this hospital has been upset, I won't hesitate to send you packing."

"The hospital comes first," Mark chimed, smiling, still holding out his hand.

"You can start tomorrow." The chief replied and reluctantly shook hands with his new, temporary, attending.

o

Mark left the chief's office just in time to catch Dr Webber's two o'clock appointment: Derek and Addison Shepherd.

He was faced with two cold stares as he passed through the door. He made sure he'd walked three steps in the opposite direction before he turned to look at Addison. She surely didn't mean to treat him so frostily …but she didn't stop or turn around, and within seconds the office door was closed.

o

_Your feelings rule everything that you do. Every moral or immoral decision you make. They are our senses. Our own human way of navigating through life…Someone once said: You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel. But we'll still try…_

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Please review - it makes my day! 


	5. The Big Fight

**I don't own the character or the setting!** ...but i am the proud owner of a new bedroom - how exciting!

Hopefully, all the spelling mistakes have been corrected...I do want to make you happy! Shout out to my beta, best thing since cookies!

The chapter's namesake is a song by 'the Stars'...and it's one of my all time favourites!**_

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_**Chapter Five**_

**The Big Fight**

_It is wise to direct your anger towards problems, not people; to focus your energies on answers, not excuses. But we are not wise. As surgeons, we're clever. We're dedicated. But being wise comes from life experience and it's hard to experience life when all you can do is think about a scalpel._

o

It was Mark's first day at Seattle grace…and Meredith was avoiding him. She did everything she could to avoid seeing or talking to him.

She cleaned her locker. She helped Alex with his rectal exams. She did Cristina's paperwork. She could have worked with George on admitting the Neuroblastoma baby, but they hadn't resolved their issues yet, and Meredith wasn't in the mood to fight.

She assigned herself to running codes in an attempt to keep her working, even if she had to be surrounded by death all day. She didn't know what to say to any of the men in her life.

A code was called just as Meredith was contemplating lunch, but she was still thankful for something to do as she raced off to the burns department.

o

Meredith entered the commotion of the room. Nurses surrounded the spiralling patient, calling out the vitals and injecting the drugs that Meredith requested.

Nothing helped, and the 'Caucasian female, forty-two, acid victim' continued with out a pulse.

"Paddles!" Meredith commanded, moving from the end of the bed to the side, unsnapping the buttons on the hospital gown to gain access to the chest. She picked the paddles up and had the nurse squeeze the jelly out on her right paddle before rubbing the two together.

"Charge to two-hundred."

"Two hundred."

The body jerked upon the bed.

"Still nothing."

"Charge to three hundred!" Meredith yelled.

"Three hundred," the nurse replied, and saw no change after the second shock. "I can't see any sinus rhythm."

"Three sixty." Meredith sighed.

"Charging to three-sixty."

The body shuddered upon the table. But the heart monitor stayed the same.

"Damn it!" Meredith said, under her breath, wondering if it was worth charging again.

"Think it's time to call it, Dr Grey," said the attending surgeon, who was watching from the doorway.

"Charge again! Three-sixty!" Meredith yelled, ignoring the voice.

"Dr Grey…" the nurse protested.

"Charge again!"

"Three-sixty." The nurse reluctantly obeyed.

The sound of the jolt filled the room again. There was a pause in the monitor's tone…then the familiar beep started again. Meredith let out the breath of air she didn't know she was holding in as the code team packed up and left around her.

Mark stayed in the doorway. "Nice job," he said approvingly. "You're a stubborn one."

"It paid off," she replied with a smile, getting some air back into her lungs.

"So," he said smoothly, "are you going to show me what food in this place is the salmonella special? Or am I going to have to find out myself?"

"The food here's not bad." Meredith replied coyly.

"C'mon!" he said, pointing to the door, "I'm waiting for you."

"Oh…right." Meredith said and led him apprehensively out the door.

o

The hospital was all aflutter as news spread about Mark and Meredith's lunch date. They had come to expect this behaviour from the intern, and Mark's notorious reputation had followed him from New York, but what did this mean? Were they really friends? Seeing each other?

They sat to the side, but that didn't keep anyone stopping for a look.

"I feel like I'm at the zoo," Mark joked lamely.

"Oh, shut up and eat your sandwich," Meredith said self-consciously.

"You know," he laughed, "we have to be a little civil for this to work out."

"Right," said Meredith. "I find it hard to be civil when everyone's…"

"Watching?" he finished, looking around him.

"Dr Sloan!" Alex said, coming out into the court.

"Dr Karev," he acknowledged.

"So you came back?" Alex said, not realising the surgeon had company and he too was the centre of attention. "That's what this plastic department needed. 'Cause, I'll say it…it was that great before. But if you need an intern, for anything I'll…" Alex stopped as he saw Meredith holding back laughter, sitting at the other end of the table.

"Welcome to Seattle Grace," he mumbled and returned to the table of laughing interns.

o

Cristina, Izzie and Alex were racing through out the hospital trying to find the most obscure case they could. Bailey was still on maternity leave and the latest resident was a push over. They basically had free reign over the hospital.

"You'd do him, wouldn't you?" Cristina asked.

"What?" Alex retorted, slightly disturbed.

"Sloan," Cristina said slyly.

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, Dr Sloan, look at me. I have all the answers you want and I'm all macho too. Oh, pick me for you next surgery. Do you want me to get you something? Open the door? Lick your great big…" she stopped, dodging a family of young visiting children.

"Shoes?" Izzie suggested. She held back her laughter, immensely enjoying the annoyance on Alex's face.

"I'm at a disadvantage here, Yang, as all the heads of departments are male…And while you and Grey can go and screw whoever you need to get noticed, I have to do it the old school way."

"What? Sucking up?" Cristina asked sarcastically, as they entered orthopaedics.

"Oh wow," Izzie said, ignoring her friend's banter, looking at the x-rays in the next patient's room.

"If you were sucking up any more you would be sucking his…"

"Is that a broken…?" Izzie interrupted innocently.

"Coccyx?" Cristina replied, glancing at the x-ray and then smiling ironically back at Alex. "Yeah."

o

Meredith had just lost her second patient on the code team, and it was beginning to take its toll. She got into the lift, planning on getting a coffee to liven herself up, when Derek got into the elevator and leant on the wall. She knew he knew about her…talking to Mark, and she knew he was going to bring it up.

"What are you doing with him?" he asked, frustrated. "Do you not understand who that is?"

Meredith didn't say anything, she couldn't. If she opened her mouth right now she'd admit that the entire thing was a sham.

"That is a man with no integrity…a man who thinks only for himself! He betrayed me in the worst possible way. Meredith, why are you talking to him?"

"You lost the right, Derek…to tell me who I can and can't talk to when you chose her."

"What?" he asked wounded "I care about you Meredith… why are you doing this to me?"

"I don't know what I'm doing, Derek," she whispered numbly. She stumbled out of the elevator and continued whispering to herself. "I don't know what to do…"

o

Meredith ran quickly to the nearest supply closet, not wanting everyone to see her cry. She ran down the steps past offices, nurses, and patients.

Izzie and Cristina weren't on this floor. No one could silently gloat and tell her to lay off the men. She ran in, not turning the light on, and collapsed on the floor. Her eyes were sore and her nose was running as she gasped for breath in between sobs. She put her face in her hands and wept, not looking up until someone opened the door, letting a sharp beam of fluorescent light intrude on her hiding spot.

"What did he say?" Mark asked softly, closing the door after him and sitting down on the opposite wall.

"He wasn't happy," she snivelled quietly. "You never said…it'd be this hard."

"I didn't say anything."

"No, you…" but her sob interrupted her words.

Mark moved over to her side of the room, and put his hand under her chin to raise her head. "If you want it, it's worth it." He said softly. "This is just a new fight; it's different…and it takes tougher skin."

"I don't think I…have that," she whispered.

"Of course you do," he whispered back resolutely. "What would happen if you waited till you lost hope and moved on? You'd never know if it would've worked. Live your life full of regret? No…Carpe Diem!"

"Seize the day?" Meredith translated, slowly regaining composure.

"You're tough. You're stubborn," he said, brushing away her tears with his soft fingers. "You'll be okay."

"I'll be okay," she agreed, smiling faintly at him.

"Would it be wrong," he asked, leaning in, "for me to kiss you?"

"I don't know," she replied to the face dangerously close to hers, "I didn't pick you as an asker."

"I might be an asker, but I'm not a listener," he said, and kissed her softly.

o

_A few words of advice: When trying to hide at a party, don't hide in the toilet. Where there's alcohol, there are inevitably people who need to pee. And when in a hospital, don't hide in a supply closet. Because where there are surgeries, there are inevitably surgeons who need supplies._

o

"Oh, god, I'm sorry!" came a flustered female voice, as the door was opened on the two compromised doctors. "I'll just leave you to…Mark?"

"Addison…" he replied, sitting up and scratching the back of his head.

"This is your first day!" she yelled, exasperated, "And you're already making out in closets with…" she paused as she realised who the other person was, "oh…wow"

"Hi…" Meredith replied awkwardly

"Oh, god," she said heatedly. "I knew you wanted to shake things up when you came here…but her?"

"Addison, I can explain…"

"I don't want an explanation from you, Mark Sloan! You know who she is? Do you have any respect for what we have here?"

"Addison, what's going on?" came a voice from the corridor that made Meredith want to disappear.

"Derek, I think it's best if you…"

"Mark?" he yelled, as he appeared in the doorway, "what's…" but he stopped as he saw the humiliated Meredith on the floor.

"Oh…" he said, and laughed with sick realisation, "So that's it? This is what you do..."

"Derek…" Mark tried to reason, but was quickly silenced by a glance from Addison.

"Derek?" his wife asked, looking at her shocked husband.

But he didn't say anything. He was just staring at the intern on the floor with the messed up scrubs, who looked back at him with eyes red from the tears she'd cried earlier and those she was holding in at the present.

o

The chief 'gave' everyone involved an early leave, as there were no impending surgeries. Meredith was left in the supply closet. She wanted to be. She couldn't shake the picture of his shattered face. No one had come in, and while she didn't want to face the rest of the hospital, she'd hate to stop them using her ineffectual hiding place for its intended purpose. She opened the door and looked around. There were no crowds of nurses, or the chief waiting to reprimand her, just a guilty-looking plastic surgeon, sitting on the floor by the door, waiting for her.

"Hey," he said from the floor, "that was my fault. I'm sorry."

"No," she said slowly, "I let it happen."

"Either way," he said, standing up, "that was probably my first and only day working at Seattle Grace."

"Has Dr. Webber already talked to you?"

"Tomorrow," he said, the pressure eating at his cool façade. "Look, I still feel guilty. How about dinner? A nice dinner? Not a picnic or lunch at the Seattle Grace Hospital Zoo of scandals but somewhere nice, where no one knows us?"

"Nobody?" she asked, hating how timid her voice sounded.

"Not a single one," he replied reassuringly, "and you don't want to go back to question time at your house, right?"

"I guess not."

o

The sound of the rain was the only noise in the trailer. The married couple sat at opposite ends but were only feet apart. Addison tried making small talk in the car on the way home, and during dinner, but the brain surgeon had said nothing.

"Derek?" Addison asked tentatively. "Are you…alright?" There was no response. "Derek?"

"What?" he snapped. "What Addison? What do you want me to say?"

"I don't know…" she replied, sighing, anticipating the fight.

"Well, neither do I…" he said turning away from her.

"Ignoring the problem isn't going to make it go away." she said, moving slowly towards him. "Maybe it's a good thing? Maybe if they can move on, we can? I mean, we have…we can go back to being us? You can move on, right? You've moved on?" she asked, searching for answers that weren't there.

He didn't say anything. He just turned and looked at her.

"You haven't moved on," she realized, thinking aloud.

"No."

"But you can?" she asked.

He didn't reply. "Then what are you doing here?" she demanded desperately.

"I'm in my trailer, with my wife…"

"The wife who keeps coming second to your not-so-ex-mistress."

"I'm not seeing Meredith!"

"No! You're not seeing her" Addison yelled, "You're just watching her, Derek, everyday!"

"Stop it Addison!" Derek warned.

"Derek, I know you're thinking about her. I see you flirting with her at work! I don't even want to know what happens in those elevators! She loves you Derek, and you let her! You're just filling her with hope! Dose she..."

"Stop it Addison!" Derek yelled again

"I can't stop, Derek!" she yelled, holding up her left hand. "You see this? I know you don't wear yours, but I do! I know you don't seem to care any more about salvaging our marriage, but I do…Derek, we're married."

"Truthfully, Addison," Derek yelled, "I am regretting that decisio…."

"Don't you care?" she yelled though tears

"I didn't sign the divorce papers!" he argued, ignoring her tears

"Ok, then. Derek…why did you come back to me if you were in love with Meredith Grey? You know this pretending? Do you really think that it's enough? It…it doesn't make you the good guy! It makes you a liar, and a cheater!"

o

They had a nice and surprisingly quiet dinner. They didn't talk about that day, of any of their plans. Mark didn't know if he was allowed to stay in Seattle, so it might have been for nothing. He didn't want to bring that up to her until the next day. They talked about plastic surgery, and Mark told the same joke that he told to every woman he took out. Meredith laughed—it was funny—but he wondered if she saw through him.

Mark had an aunt with early onset Alzheimer's. Meredith had a tape of her mother performing the facial reconstruction that he was going to attempt the next day.

He liked the idea of all her intern friends having movie marathons with surgery tapes. They were both only children. He held the under 10s shot put record. He had a cat back in New York.

She found it amusing that he was a cat person. And neither could decide what they wanted for desert.

"So much choices…" Meredith pondered, "…to chocolate or not to chocolate?"

"That is the question," he replied, absently evaluating the menu. His pager went off. "Didn't know I still had that…"

"Is it the hospital?"

"I have to make a call," he said, getting up with smile. "I'll be back in a minute."

Meredith just nodded; she was used to this. She put the menu down. She was planning on the mud cake but wasn't sure if they would be having dessert now. She fiddled with her napkin until she noticed her full wine glass on the table. The conversation can't have been that good. She picked it up and was about to polish it off when Mark re-entered the restaurant.

"Stop!" he said to Meredith, turning a few head in the process. "Don't drink that. We're going to the hospital."

"What's happening?" she asked, returning the wine glass to the table, standing up. "Is it an emergency? Do you still have your job?"

"Derek's split his face in a fight," he said.

"Oh no…" Meredith said, realising that she was the probable cause.

"Let's go," said Mark, helping her with her jacket, "and fix him up."

o

_I wonder if any thing would be accomplished if no one felt passionate enough about something to be angry. Our anger is a natural thing. It's part of the force. You just have to learn to hang out with it, and not abuse it. You can't predict an angry storm._

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Reading one of your reviews is almost as good as eating a block of chocolate! (and makes me feel much less guilty!) Help me out? 


	6. Buy Now, Pay Later

**if any of this was mine do you really think i'd be writing fanfiction? **(answer is no...it's not mine)

I'm two reviews off getting fifty! My happiness cannot be put into words!

On slightly less exciting news: I am in need of a new beta. And, as some people have pointed out, my proof reading is shocking. I apologise for this chapter, it was very hard for me to write...I did try my very best. Help me out! Please! (I want to update it when I get a hand, so all problems can be fixed!)

The song is by an AMAZING Aussie band called the Whitlams!

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**Chapter six**

**Buy Now, Pay Later**

_We can't read minds. We can't predict the future, and no matter how well you know a person, they can still surprise you. So, to make a decision, sometimes we have to listen to the hearsay or even…gossip, because it's the only source of information we have..._

o

"Look, Chief." Mark said, "Derek has about two hours before he has to go into surgery. Not including prep. You need to make a decision"

"Dr Sloan. I do not want you working in this hospital."

"That's a lie, and you know it." He said calmly. "You can't have a chief of neurosurgery liasing with patients when he has no lower lid and a scar that looks like he's had a tumour removed."

"There are other plastic surgeons in this hospital."

"That will make that scar look like he removed his own tumour." He laughed to himself. "The injury is over the right eye. One wrong move…eye's gone."

"You are the most arrogant then any surgeon I have ever met."

"A neurosurgeon, without depth perception?" Mark persisted. "You need me to perform this surgery."

"You'll leave this hospital when you've finished."

"Chief, I am arrogant." He said, unfazed "but, I'm arrogant for a reason. You have to, to be the best surgeon…And I'm arrogant enough to tell you that I'm not going to perform this surgery, unless you keep me on."

"Are you blackmailing me, Dr Sloan?"

"No, I'm trying to show you how Seattle Grace functions." He replied, "Your hospital runs on gossip. Your nurses are more interested in each other's lives to focus on their job. Your surgeons are too busy screwing each other, and then excusing each other of using sexual favours, to really get ahead. And you, firing me, is only enforcing this mentality. You can't tell people it's wrong to have a private life. Their lives are this hospital. Everyone is running around this place…feeling guilty for trying to be normal. If you can't keep their lives, within this hospital, as private as you can, how can you expect them to function normally? Look at yourself. You're more interested in what I do out of the OR, then assessing me properly, or you'd realise that I am the best person for the job."

o

Meredith stood in the corridor, looking into the chief's fishbowl office, trying to predict the outcome. Mark was perfectly composed. If it wasn't for the chief's furious expression, they could have been talking about the weather. The chief paced, while Mark stayed still, leaning on the wall. Every now and again, he'd glance up at her. She couldn't read him, but it was comforting.

"You haven't even changed into your scrubs yet?" he asked, coming out of the office alone. He was still in his suit and she was still in a dress she borrowed off Cristina. "This is a long one, you expect to stand up in them all night?" he looked at her heels.

"You still work here?" she asked, amazed at his relaxed temperament

"Why wouldn't I?" he asked seriously, but his eyes gave him away.

"I'm glad." She laughed at him. She was relieved. The pain that he had caused her in the last few days was forgotten. She was glad he was still around to help her cause trouble. She stepped forward and hugged him, catching the doctor by surprise.

"Go get changed." He ordered, laughing as she left.

"I'm glad too." He whispered to himself after she was out of earshot.

o

Meredith found Mark outside Derek's room. He was having a furious, whispered argument with Addison.

"Sorry," Meredith interrupted "Dr Sloan…"

"Oh stop it" Addison said, continuing her frustrated tone "Don't pretend that we're not all…involved."

"Addison…" Mark started.

"Derek asked for you." She said to Mark "he didn't ask for her. Don't make this more complicated"

"She's the only intern here that's not in surgery. He lucky, that she's one of the best."

He waited to see if Addison would argue, but she didn't. "I'll ask him."

Mark entered the room and the two women followed soon after, but stayed back.

"Derek?" Mark asked as he approached the bed and pulled out his torch

"Mark…" He responded, slowly. "How am I looking?"

"Not at your best" Mark replied, seriously

"You can restore my sight." He didn't ask.

"From what I can tell," he said, gently examining the eye. "There is no corneal damage…the eyelid defect is about twenty percent of the horizontal dimension of the lid. Dr Grey?"

"Yes, Dr Sloan." She asked hesitantly moving towards the bed.

"Look here please." He ordered his patient, who was straining to look over to Meredith, before Mark asking his intern: "if we're attempting to reconstruct the lower lid...with more then fifty percent damage, what procedure should we be performing?"

"This isn't the kind of thing an intern should know." Meredith protested

"I asked for an answer, Dr Grey. Not an excuse."

"A modified Hughes procedure?"

"Correct." He said, with a slight smile. "Now take a look at this…what needs to be done?"

"Well." Meredith said, tentatively peering into Derek's eye "the…the patient…has a lax lower lid…the damage is much less then one third of the horizontal length, this can usually be repaired by direct closure?"

Mark looked over at Addison, who was standing in the doorway. "So, she passes?"

Addison smiled wearily and waved a hand in submission. "Good." Mark said and turned to his intern, with a smile. "Where did you learn all that?"

"My mother had a lot of books, lying around the house."

"You didn't get out much as a child, did you?" Mark asked. Derek chuckled

"Seriously?" Meredith asked, defensively. They weren't allowed to gang up on her.

"Can you go at tell O.R. three that we're coming?" Mark asked, re-arranging the monitor to move his patient

"Yeah," Meredith said, annoyed. And left the room, closely followed by Addison.

"Addison, I…" Meredith turned around, unsure what to say

"Don't worry, I'm not…angry with you." She said, walking up to her and putting her hand on her shoulder, before walking a head of the intern "Now, let's go and prepare that room."

"Are you operating?" Meredith asked, running a little to catch up.

"I'd never operate on Derek." She laughed to herself, "I'm just helping you…set up"

"Oh, right."

Addison stopped before they entered the O.R.

"You know." She said, hesitantly "You're good for him."

"Sorry?" Meredith asked, confused by this sudden kindness

"Mark…well, I don't know exactly," she replied, scratching her head "but, you're smarter then he is. And he knows it. It's good for his ego…I know he's a little insensitive at times, but he's really a great guy. Underneath all that." She said, slowly realising the qualities of the guy she rejected, "He's caring, and I…I don't think he'd take you for granted. Like…"

Addison was going to mention Derek, but seeing Meredith's stunned face she stopped, awkwardly. "I'll...I'll just go and get someone," she motioned to the surgical nurses station, and quickly left the taken aback Meredith.

O

Mark joined Meredith just as she started to scrub in. She greeted him with a malicious stare as he moved up to the tap beside her.

"What?" he asked, naively

"Oh…you know," she said, accusingly

"Oh, you mean back there?" he asked

"Why did you pick on me like that?"

"I don't know." He said simply, soaping his forearms

"You don't know?" she sighed.

"Well, really…it goes back to primary school." He said smiling, and stopped soaping to look at her "I always pick on the cute girl."

"Oh really?" she asked

"I'm only nice to the people I don't like." He said truthfully. "It's the people I do like that get my terrible persona…you should be flattered."

"You think so?" Meredith asked, as she finished washing and moved away from the sink with her hands raised in front of her.

"I like you a lot, Meredith" he said, also raising his hands and turning to look at her with a smile, before entering the OR "I'll apologise in advance."

O

The OR was abuzz. Some people would later say it was due to it being Dr Mark Sloan's first surgery at Seattle Grace or the fact that it was Dr Derek Shepard on the table. They would mention the rumours about what Addison did and maybe that the intern scrubbing in had slept with both the surgeon and the patient. Those who pretended that they weren't interested in the gossip would say it was because Dr Sloan flawlessly repaired Dr Shepard's eye. But Meredith would remember it as the day her life became, if possible, just that little bit more complicated.

o

"Open heart surgery." George said with a happy sigh, sitting down next to Meredith, but not looking at her. "How Dr Shepard's eye?"

"I'm sorry, George," she sighed, "I should never said anything that day. I was trying to cope with a lot. It really wasn't that much…compared to today, but I'm…I should never have said that."

"I…I understand." He didn't

"You know what's funny?" Meredith said, turning to look at him, "Mark and I, its not real, its all planned."

"It is?" George couldn't hide his excitement

"I'm doing it to try and get McDreamy back," She said lightly, not noticing George's question, "I don't think it's working. I don't think he'd take me back…I think he hates me." She laughed, sadly. "We've fought before, but not like this…"

"He'd be crazy not to."

"Some times I think I'd be crazy to take him back." Meredith said pensively, "But I don't want to back out of the plan now. We're just getting started…And I like him too."

"Who?"

"You George," She smiled at him, coming out of her daze and not answering the question. "You're a good friend."

George didn't respond as she stood up and walked out. He didn't even notice that Meredith hadn't heard a word he said. He didn't know what she meant, but he resolved, as he watched her walk out, that he was going to find out.

o

It was six o'clock in the morning, and the interns were starting pre-rounds. Izzie had only just started work, after having a good nights sleep. Her previous patients while hating the disruption to their sleep, enjoyed her happy demeanour and were appreciative. But the patient in room 413 was in no mood for the pretty intern.

"How are you doing Dr Shepard?" Izzie asked, picking up his chart at the end of the bed.

"I'm no longer experiencing pain. My stats have remained stable. I'm able to move my right eye." He said, obviously uncomfortable in the patient roll, "I want to remove the bandage to check my vision."

"The ophthalmologist will be down shortly to give you an examination." Izzie replied, "It says here you fell in your trailer."

"Yes," Derek sighed, leaning back in his bed, realising that Izzie was not going to let him remove his bandage.

"I have my own trailer battle wounds…one here." She said with a smile, pulling up her hair revealing a small scar. "The other was a little more vicious, on my back. Covered it with a tattoo when I was seventeen."

"Right," Derek, replied uninterested.

"I don't talk to my brother any more." She said, changing tone "after spending twelve years, everyday, same room. It's hard living, 'cause you're on top of each other; there's no personal space. He moved an inch, and I knew about it. No one got along. You know? Every single person in that park wanted to leave. And he did, when he was sixteen. No one wants to live like that, especially when they could leave…and move into anything they wanted. That's why I stick up for her, you know?"

"Sorry?" Derek asked, confused

"Addison," She replied, "She can afford to move somewhere else. And yet, she stays in that trailer. For James, my brother, his family wasn't important enough anymore, leaving was. And I don't blame him; I did the same thing when I was seventeen. You take the first chance. But, she loves you enough to stay. If she loves you enough to stay in a trailer, she'd never…attack you."

O

"What happened Addison?" Mark asked, as he spotted Addison Shepard sitting alone in a line of chairs out side the gallery.

"He fell Mark." She said with a sigh

"He fell?" he asked suspiciously, sitting down next to her and leaning his arm on the shared rest. "That's the oldest one in the book."

"Which is why it's true." She explained, tiredly "I see it day in, day out. If I was going to lie, I'd pick something convincing."

"He just …fell?" he asked, still sceptical,

"We were fighting…verbally." She corrected, "from opposite ends of the trailer. And he starts to walk towards me. And for a second I though he was going to hit me…I was so angry with him…so angry, that's what I wanted to do to him…He wasn't really. I mean, what was I thinking? This is Derek! He couldn't bring himself to break the cadaver's leg in med school! He could have been going out the door. Or even been trying comfort me. But he starts towards me and I scream and then he slips in that goddamn trailer…And, I never get to find out if he wants to save our marriage." She took a deep laboured breath and then placed her hand on top of his, "What am I going to do, Mark?"

Addison looked at him. First the hand and then the look. He knew the signs…and had he been twenty-four hours younger, he would have followed through. But something held him back. He knew that she just wanted to be comforted, that she just wanted to fill the gap temporarily. He wasn't going to stop the plan for one night, no matter how good it might be. He wanted more. He wanted her to really love him.

"Give him the three days recovery, and ask him." He said quietly, and after tapping her hand he stood up.

"Mark…" Addison was confused

"You find out if he wants to…make sure you know what you want, Addison." He walked away, trying to answer that question himself

o

_If we aren't going to tell each other, what is really going on, we have to be ready to cope with the consequences when people make different assumptions. Hard decisions wouldn't exist if we knew all the answers. There are supposed to be difficult questions. But, we don't really know how difficult until they have been made._

* * *

Hope you enjoyed. I have almost finished the seventh chapter...but would it be mean of me to ask for reviews in exchange for the new chapter? all i want is one more review then my last chapter? They give me HUGE inspiration! 

this week's burning question:

Fin has just turned up on the Australian screen...i love him. Do you think it would be a bit much to include him? probably...


	7. Chasing Ghosts with Alcohol

**I don't own any of these characters or settings**. i own very little. today i even lost two of my three remaining wisdom teeth...

Many thanks to my new BETA: RachaelShepard!

the title of today's chapter was stolen from the title of a Gomez song - new favourite band!

_

* * *

_

_**Chapter Seven**_

**Chasing Ghosts with Alcohol.**

o

_Life is busy. My life is busy. Everyone is busy, and there is a safety in being busy. But we can't be busy all the time. Sometimes we have to stop, and then we're left with that empty feeling, where you have to start questioning things. So, you have to either think deeply about yourself (not a great option these days) or fill that emptiness with something else._

Meredith woke up to an empty house. She slept in to seven, and woke up without the help of an alarm clock. There was no stranger in her bed. No line for the bathroom. Her share of the daily coffee pot was sitting on the kitchen bench, cold. She smiled at her roommate's thoughtfulness. Meredith didn't know what to do.

While she'd been avoiding them for a while, she felt like she really needed Cristina and Izzie's advice. She felt better telling George, but she wanted some real help. None of them were off until tonight, leaving her to make her own plans on how to fill the rest of her day.

o

Meredith gave in after three hours of staring at the ceiling. She'd pulled her mobile out several times, but it was eleven o'clock before she found his number and keyed it into her phone

"Okay, so I have no life outside of work…and the people at work."

"I was going to blame in on being new in town…but it seems that you locals don't have anything to do either."

"That's not true…"

"It's all this rain."

"I quite like the rain.

"You like the rain?" he asked slowly, confounded, "I knew there was something strange about you."

"You know…" Meredith said coyly, "You're slowly driving your company away."

"Alright, alright!" he said, "but we're not going out in that!"

"Then come over here," she said, lying down on the couch, fiddling with the pockets on her trackies. "Bring some pizza."

"I've lived in New York for ten years." He said, "Any pizza that I get here would sacrilege."

"…Right." She said, "You'll figure something out."

She could tell he was about to protest, but she hung up before he could. She laughed, before realising that she had invited her pretend boyfriend over when she was still in her trackies and her house looked like a…pretend brothel. She sighed and started picking up Izzie's clothing.

o

The doorbell rang as Meredith was sorting through some of the tapes George had left out. She'd been distracted by the craniotomies and bypasses and she hadn't realised that time had passed at all. Still holding a shoebox full of videos she answered the door. There was Mark, with a parcel wrapped in newspaper that smelt distinctly like fish and chip.

"I was going to make an effort…" he motioned to his own tracksuit. "But since you're so dressed up, I won't apologise."

"You're funny." She said sarcastically, "If you weren't carrying a parcel of comfort food…I'd consider closing this door on you."

"Oh c'mon!" he said laughing, pushing the door slightly as he came in, knocking Meredith's shoe box and its contents on the floor. She sighed and bent down to pick up her mother's tapes.

"Oh, sorry" Mark said lightly, and bent down to help.

Meredith grabbed a Whipple tape and a gastrectomy and quickly returned them to the box. She reached out for the one next to her, expecting her hand to meet the black plastic case, instead she found the warm hand of her guest.

"Oh," she said, looking up at him.

There was a pause in all action as they both took a moment to admire the other. A grin grew on Meredith's face as the look did. He gently picked up the video and was about to put it to the side to…continue, when he spotted its label.

"A successful Lymphangiosarcoma?" he said, ruining the mood with his excitement, "You have this on tape?"

o

Bailey's interns were sprawled around on unused gurneys, in an effort to avoid their latest replacement.

"this Otterwal character is so demeaning." Cristina bitched "I don't know how he even passed med school. And you know what…no wonder he's temping. No hospital would want to deal with such a moron for prolonged periods of time."

"I didn't think he was that bad." George said, looking up from his text book, trying to reason

"No bambi, he was that bad." Cristina silenced him.

"I'm thinking of doing a dinner for Meredith." Said Izzie, trying to change the subject

"Invite Bourke." Cristina said,

"Really?" she asked, excited "cause I could really use a hand"

"He's doing a transplant tonight and won't be able to make it."

"But, you just told me…" Izzie started, confused

"I just can't have him parading around your kitchen like he's Iron Chef America." She interrupted, "this way, he'll be happy that his invited, and I'll be happy with take away."

"Trouble in paradise?" Alex chimed, sarcastically

"I'm not in the mood." Cristina said, stressed from the…lack of work

"We can see," Izzie said

"Could you do this?" Cristina pleaded "For me."

"I wanted to do something for Meredith," she said "it's not like her to take time off, and this whole…thing, must be hard."

"Sure," Cristina drawled, "It must be, having McDreamy and McSteamy fighting over you."

"Oh you know what I mean."

"Meredith is a naturally unhappy person." Cristina said "but you could be having an election night party, and as long as you invite Bourke I'd be happy."

"Everyone's invited." She said,

"Izzie, you're not having another house party." George warned

"I meant everyone here." She said, amused at his accusations, "Except Alex,"

"What?" he asked confused "you just said…"

"You should see your face…" she said

"That's hilarious." Cristina said sarcastically, putting a stop to the fliters

"It's not a big deal." Izzie said, ignoring Cristina, "I don't think it's going to be that great."

"Oh, we'll see." Alex said, moving up the bed next to Izzie, "I'm sure we could make it fun."

"Oh really?" Izzy asked with a giggle as she felt Alex breathing on her neck. Cristina was about to take action, when herself George and Alex were all paged.

"Awesome." Cristina said, excited

"No, not so good." George said, "This is the Shepard's Neuroblastoma baby."

"It's just Dr Montgomery-Shepard, McDreamy's still recovering." Cristina said

"Apparently McSteamy said it was ok for him to attend to patients, he just can't perform any surgeries for the next few days." Izzie replied

"Great, so his first case back is with the woman who…beat him up?" Cristina asked

"She didn't beat him up." Izzie said.

"Of course she didn't" Alex agreed, as he stood up and collected his pager and looked down the corridor after the other two interns began to move

"Thank you! Some one who agrees…" Izzie said as he turned and started to walk away

"They were just having really kinky sex!" Alex yelled as he walked. He had the last word.

o

"Hey, hey," Mark said, sitting up on the couch, "It's stopped raining."

"It tends to do that…" Meredith said, amused at his view of the city

"Let's do something." He suggested, looking around the room

"Like…"

"Well, how about a run?"

"A run?" Meredith asked, shocked "as in, like, an athletic activity?"

"Haven't since New York." He said, "gotta stay fit some how."

"You want me, to go on a run with you." She said, trying to understand him "now."

"Got the clothes, got the fat to burn off" he motioned to the empty chip packet, "got the shower afterwards…"

"Oh," Meredith said laughing. "I'm not a runner."

"No, you're a liar." He said standing up,

"I'm not a liar. When have I ever said that I was a runner?" she asked amusedly, crossing her arms and looking up at him from the couch.

"You didn't have to." He said, and picked up a trophy with an old plastic runner that was sitting on the book shelf, closest to the floor and read the inscription with a pleased grin. "Boston School's, under eighteen's cross country…second place…Not bad. I like a girl who's athletic...even if she's a liar."

o

Meredith took her time finding her shoes and ankle brace and even as they made their way outside to the track where she usually went. She wasn't too sure it was a good idea to run, especially with him. He looked fit…well, really he looked hot, but she was pretty confident that there was little difference. She'd never run with a man before, it was just the girls on her team at high school and university. She had to think about it carefully, as it was her job to set the pace. She hadn't competed in years, and she was used to running slowly with Cristina…she wasn't looking forward to the challenge. She wasn't too sure of how fast he normally ran, but judging by his size, he wasn't a long distance runner. She started slow and they gently built up as they neared the creek. She was pushing her self, but she missed that adrenalin rush that you get when you are really racing. The path wasn't wide, but he ran next to her. They had the same gait, and while the pace was easier for him, she could hear his heavy, rhythmic breathing, confirming that he was still getting a work out. She kept an eye on him, but allowed herself to not to think. As she focused on each careful step, and lifting her leg the same time he did, she noticed how comfortable she was…and that she hadn't been so comfortable in a while.

O

The three interns stood in a disorderly line beside the patient's bed. The parents were sitting next to the crib, the mother allowing her child to hold her finger while the father looked on. This would have been a normal pre-op talk if it hadn't been for the uncomfortable formality between the married pair of attendings.

"Who's presenting?"

"Oliver Peacock," George recited "one month, presented with mass in the brain."

"Very nice Dr O'Malley." Derek replied, surveying the interns out of his left eye. "Due to the patient's age, what would be our first assumption?"

"uh. A neuroblastoma?" Cristina asked, eagerly

"And what is…"

"being?" they said at the same time, leaving an awkward silence as both attendings pretended that they didn't interrupt each other.

"It's a malignant tumor, that's composed of neuroblasts." Cristina quoted, quickly "it originates in the autonomic nervous system."

"Well done Dr Yang," Derek said "How would you diagnose?"

"I'd get a blood test, then a CT and an MRI and if that indicates that there is a mass, a biopsy to confirm." She replied proudly and then returned to her silent intern line

"Mrs. Peacock," Derek said, turning to the parents "I know you didn't understand a lot of that," they nodded silently "but I'll leave you with Dr Shepard, and she'll explain it to you. She's a…She's a good doctor." Everyone noticed his hesitation, and no one said anything as he silently left the room, and more importantly, Addison, to tell the parents that there was a large chance that their infant would die.

o

There was a harvest surgery in OR 2 and Izzie was lucky enough to scrub in. Dr Bourk was normally unreadable while he was operation, but as soon as he opened the chest cavity Izzie could see the frustration on his face: There was not supposed to be that much damage to the left ventricle. He sighed and took a step away from the brain dead donor.

"that heart wouldn't last three months." He explained with a sigh to his intern

"why didn't that show up in the tests?" She asked, quietly

"any number of reasons," he replied, removing the liver and placing it into the eskie that Izzie was holding, "There were small irregularities in the O2 count. I was hoping it was just a complication from the accident, but I don't think we'll be performing a transplant tonight."

Izzie didn't have a moral decision to make.

"Dr Bourke," she asked quietly, "Cristina wanted me to invite you to dinner at our house, tonight."

"She asked?" he looked up from his kidney harvest, surprised

"yeah," she replied, assuring herself that she wasn't lying

"You're not cooking again Dr Stevens?" He asked, with a new-found happiness

"I…I was just going to do something simple." She said,

"Well…I do a very nice grilled fish." He offered

o

Two cars pulled up outside the house in a quick succussion, and the carpooling surgeons emerged slowly after their long day. Cristina and Burke walked behind Alex and Izzie and both couples waited for the single George to open the door. He struggled with the keys, just wanting to get away from all the pairs and into to see Meredith…who said that she liked him. She liked him. Even after he embarrassed her in front of everyone. She didn't really like Dr Shepard and she wasn't really dating Dr Sloan…and she said that she really liked him.

"Any time today?" Cristina asked sarcastically. Not only was she waiting in the cold but her plan had backfired and she was waiting with Burke who spent the car ride telling her about the fish he was planning on cooking.

"Yeah…" George said, coming out of his daze and in quickly trying to open the door he dropped his keys.

"Oh god!" Cristina yelled, frustrated "Get out of my way." And she quickly bent down to pick up the keys

"Cristina?" Burke warned gently

"What?" she asked, whilst opening the door. "We we're never going to get in!"

Alex and Izzie pushed passed the couple and George slowly followed.

"There's no point having a cheer up Meredith dinner if we can't get in the door! And anyway…" But Cristina didn't finish her sentence.

Everyone was standing in the door way to the lounge room. Staring at Meredith and Mark, on the couch. They weren't having drunken sad person sex. They were…cuddling on the couch, watching a medical procedure.

"Dr Sloan…" Burke started slowly, unaware of Meredith's involvement with his co-worker."

"It's Mark." He said, propping Meredith up as he got up to shake Burke's hand in the corridor.

"Why are you all here?" Meredith asked her fellow interns from the couch

"Dinner." Izzie said, awkwardly "I'm…I'm just going to go and make dinner."

"I'll help…" George said numbly, following Izzie as she left for the kitchen

"You didn't by any chance drink that bottle of vodka I stashed at thanksgivings?" Cristina asked quickly

"What Vodka?" Meredith asked, confused by the whole situation.

"Thank god!" Cristina said and eagerly went to retrieve her booze, leaving Meredith staring at Alex.

"What's going on?" she asked, confused

"This is Izzie's…make you feel better dinner." Alex said, putting his hands into his pockets, "Although it seems that she's been…beaten to it."

"I never asked for this." Meredith whispered, frustrated

"You're going to tell her that?"

"No." she looked up at him, "I gotta sort this out…don't I?"

"Well, you don't have to," he said offhandedly.

"That isn't helping," she said with a sigh, getting up and leaving Alex to stare at the pioneering laparoscopic pancreas surgery.

o

There was no one in the corridor, and Meredith wasn't sure where the dinner party in her honour had migrated. She didn't know what she was going to do. She didn't want to send Mark home, but he didn't seem to be as popular with surgeons as he was with nurses. She really didn't want to end a nice day on such a bad note…especially when she'd have to sit through what would undoubtedly be a very awkward dinner alone.

Meredith stepped into the kitchen just in time to see Mark juggling four eggs, much to the delight of his audience. Burke was rifling through the refrigerator, and emerged with three eggs of his own.

"I haven't juggled in a while." Burke said. He steaded him self, and then starting by throwing an egg under his left leg and seamlessly incorporating it into his juggling routine.

"That's not juggling!" Mark laughed, and stopped juggling to reach for his fifth egg. "This is juggling!"

"Oh god," Cristina said, standing in the door, cheaply holding the vodka bottle. "I think I prefer Iron chief…this is celebrity circus! And that show is so tasteless."

"They're not celebrities Cristina," Meredith said with a smile, absently distracted by the antics in her kitchen.

"Like you ever know anyone on those shows." She said sourly, taking another swig from the bottle and staring maliciously at Burke, "you're just jealous cause…mine's better!"

"Cristina, seriously?" Meredith turned around with a grin. "That is going straight to your head."

"oh," she said, "I'm sorry I'm not a hardened alcoholic! But I value my liver a little bit more then…"

But she stopped as the kitchen erupted with screams and laughter: Burke had dropped an egg and Mark was celebrating by running around the kitchen.

"You were saying?" Meredith asked her friend, before going to join in the festivities.

o

Burke had donned an apron and was ordering the two eager interns around the kitchen. All chiefs were busy ordering or obeying orders and shouting out various facts about fish cooking back at their attending. They were too busy trying to impress to notice the remaining guests who were seated at the table. Mark and Meredith were chatting and laughing at one end and Cristina was experiencing an early mid-life crisis at the other. Meredith got up and mentioned something about the bathroom, leaving Cristina staring at Mark.

"Ok," she said sliding across the chairs until she was directly opposite Mark. "We have to talk."

"Hit me."

"Okay," Cristina said cringing drunkenly "it's just that…and the whole nurse's thing… and that adultery thing."

"Excuse me?"

"Right now I'm not your sub-ordinate. I'm Meredith's friend, who's starting to experience varying symptoms of intoxication…giving me the…responsibility to tell you what I think."

"You're not going to regret this?" Mark asked calmly

"The whole making her happy thing…" she started, ignoring his warning "it's great, really…and unexpected. But she is a stupid, stupid girl, who makes some pretty stupid mistakes. You better not be one of them."

"Well," Mark said slowly, with a sigh. "You don't know me. And I don't think your giving your friend any credit."

"I don't have to. And you…" she said, staring at him as hard as she could with vodka's help "You can screw wives…or nurses or whatever. Just don't screw around with Meredith."

"What are you guys saying about me?" Meredith asked innocently, returning to the room.

"Sorry?" Christina slurred, turning around

"You said my name." She pointed out, sitting down next to Mark

"Did I?"

"I think you've had enough of that." Meredith said, and pried the bottle from Cristina's grasp, only to take a large swig herself.

"Dinner's ready." Burke called, bringing two plates over for Cristina and Meredith.

"So," Mark said to Burke, looking to the two women on either side of him. "What's with Seattle's interns and alcohol abuse?"

o

_We all have times when the glass that represents our life might only be half empty or half full. The question is not about optimism, but how you choose to re-fill you glass. Do you pour yourself a glass of vodka? Or do you let someone else top it up? And so what if there are added bonuses in repairing? We just have to enjoy ourselves until we drink our glass down again._

* * *

Please review! it makes me feel good, and now that my face resembles a chipmonk's, i need all the feel good i can get!


	8. It's Beginning to Get to Me

**I don't own the characters or most of the obivious settings...**but i do own Mark's hotel room...mmm, bet you're jealous!

RachaelShepard is my beta!

Stole the title from a Snow Patrol song! (and i liked them WAY before they were were on Grey's Anatomy!)

* * *

**_Chapter 8_**

**It's Beginning to Get to Me**

_Everyone has problems. Life stopping, all consuming problems. But show me a person; give them a coffee, a group of friends and everything will come pouring out._

o

Meredith stumbled into the kitchen at eight o'clock in the morning, her Dartmouth top still warm from sleeping and her hair erratically stuffed into a bun. She clumsily wiped the sleep from her eyes, and noticed three of her co-workers drinking coffee at the table.

"There's some left," George said, picking up his coffee cup, and taking a sip. "I put on a larger pot."

"Oh…thanks." Meredith replied, and shuffled slowly over to the bench.

"I had to ask him to come to dinner." Izzie resumed her conversation "And he went straight back to his stupid video straight after."

"Is this Alex, we're talking about?" Meredith asked, pouring herself out a cup.

"Is it really that much of a problem to just come to dinner?" Izzie had much more energy compared to the rest of the table. "I invited him to dinner, and he said that he didn't feel included!"

"He's a grown man…" Cristina said, laying her head on the table.

"What's up with you?" Meredith asked, as she sat down. "And why are you wearing the same clothes?"

"I was talking about Alex…" Izzie said, slightly frustrated

o

_Everyone has problems. But some times you just have to suck it up and take a number in the que. My mother always tried to remind me of the starving children in Ethiopia when I complained about my life. Thus giving me the opinion that she had never been a young woman trying to work out her work and men at the same time… _

o

"She…doesn't recall the exact reasons." George said answering Meredith's question with a smile, and ignoring Izzie

"He didn't take me home." Cristina moaned, "…That's bad isn't it."

"You were pretty out of it." Meredith said with a shrug

"He worked so hard to be my boyfriend." Cristina whinged "he could at least act like it and take me home!"

"Cristina, you were throwing up in the bathroom..."

"I was?" She asked slowly sitting up. Meredith shrugged and nodded, "crap…"

"Burke was a little pissed off."

"A little?" George chuckled.

"What?" Cristina was starting to stress, "He was mad…oh that's just great!"

George's pager went off.

"You're not on call." Izzie said

"It says it's a 911…" George said, fiddling with his belt "Why didn't you guys get it?"

"Don't look at me." Izzie shrugged, and the other two shared the same slightly puzzled expression. All three were happy with coffee rather then sutures.

"But I'm not on call…" George said as he left the table to go to the hospital

"Right." Cristina said. "Burke'll forgive me."

"Sure he will." Meredith said sarcastically

"Don't pretend you're better then me." Cristina warned with a laugh "you can't cuddle with McSteamy and then lecture me…"

"What's going on with you two?" Izzie asked, "Are you finally over McDreamy?"

"It's a little more complicated then that."

"Well, care to explain?" Cristina asked, causally stirring her coffee,

"…Mark and I are pretending to go out to make Derek and Addison jealous."

"What?" Izzie asked, shocked

"You weren't pretending…" Cristina said, accusingly "you were cuddling!"

"Just 'cause we were cuddling doesn't mean that we're together." Meredith fiddled with her coffee cup. The other woman just raised their eyebrows. "Seriously."

"So you're not together…but your pretending that you are in front of Mr and Mrs McDreamy."

"Who weren't here last night."

"Or when you went out to dinner."

"Or when you had what sounded like very steamy sex…"

"…No." Meredith said pausing.

"Oh you so didn't realise that you guys were a couple!" Cristina said laughing. "Do they…I'm mean does Derek think you're going out?"

"That's just the problem." Meredith said, resting her head dejectedly in her hands. "We really are a couple. And Derek really hates him…and now he hates me. And I don't like him when he hates me…"

"Well," Izzie tried to console Meredith, "that's understandable."

"But I'm in love with Derek."

"Are you telling me you're dating McSteamy, but thinking of McDreamy?" Cristina asked, flabbergasted.

"No." Meredith said, with a sigh "and…that's a problem too."

"Well you are technically dating Mark." Cristina stated

"The agreement was: I love Derek, he loves Addison…no one gets hurt."

Cristina laughed, "You didn't think this through, did you?"

"Nope." Meredith said meekly, sipping her coffee

"So hang on," Izzie said, trying to follow. "You like Mark, who loves Addison, who loves Derek, who hates you and you're not too sure if you like him."

"How can you summarise my life into a flow chart." Meredith groaned

"Derek is Married to Addison and Mark thinks he loves her…just do away with her and keep the two of them to yourself." Cristina suggested sarcastically.

"What am I going to do?" Meredith moaned

"What ever make you happy Mere," Izzie said. Meredith didn't say anything, she just stared at her coffee.

Cristina caught Izzie's glance before saying accusingly: "You know who makes you happy…"

"I don't want him to!" Meredith said with a sad chuckle

o

Mark decided to have an early lunch. Well, he actually planned on waiting until he saw Meredith, and didn't want to miss her if she ate early. He took a deep breath and took in the surrounding of the hospital as he had his coffee, which was surprisingly good compared to what was on offer at his previous practice.

Mark was just finishing his drink when Addison brought her tray over to the table.

"Do you mind…" she asked, pointing to the seat

"Not at all."

o

_At school we spent our days leaning all the mathematical equations that we need to solve our problems. In real life there are still problems to be solved, except this time Calculous has been replaced by avoidance and trigonometry replace by procrastination._

o

There was nothing interesting about Meredith's lunch. She wished that there was. She needed a distraction. She wished that she wasn't pretending to stare at a hospital sandwich, and that her friends would show up soon. She should never have gone for an early lunch…And neither should he. She tried to glance casually at the table in the far corner, but hesitated; she didn't want to be obvious. Why a lunch date? Why now? And why did she care?

o

Addison's laugh filled the empty cafeteria, jarring inside Meredith's head. The intern winced, both at the obvious flirting (she could hear Mark's joke: it wasn't that funny) and at her reaction. She took a deep breath and focused on her salad sandwich…her very interesting salad sandwich.

"Hey." George said, sliding his lunch tray onto the table and sitting across from Meredith.

"Hi." Meredith said, giving him the best smile she could muster…it wasn't great.

"Are you ok?" He asked, as he shook his pineapple juice

"I have a great salad sandwich." Meredith nodded, unconvincingly

"That's not even how you answer that question."

"Just thinking about the future." Meredith sighed, still absently nodding,

"That can't be good for you." George said, and tried to find the right words to say: "I like to think that, you shouldn't think about the future…I mean…I mean, what's that really going to do for you? You know…you can't change it…well, that depends on if you believe in determinism…but I don't, 'cause I'd like to think that I can make choices…about my life. You can't prove it, of course, but do you think that illusion of choice is just there to make us feel better or…or do you think it's something more?"

"I'm going to end up alone, George." She said, said absently

"Oh don't say…"

"And I can't do anything about it." She said, looking deeply into the distance "I'm always going to come second to her."

"Not with m…" But George didn't get to finish. His pager went off again, "damn it! I don't understand…I'm continually being paged to places where I shouldn't be."

"Who's paging you?" Meredith asked, returning to the proper conversation,

"Oncology…" he sighed, standing up and mumbling good-bye to Meredith. Leaving her to listen to her very interesting salad sandwich.

o

Mark had finished his drink, and was politely rearranging his lunch rubbish, suggesting that he was preparing to leave. Addison knew that she had to say something.

"So, Mark, ah…" Addison started, "You know this hospital food isn't great…but uh, I know this really great café that does great chocolate…stuff. And I was wondering if you had some free time today that you would like to come and grab some real food."

"Real food, huh?" Mark said with a sly grin,

"Yeah, food." Addison said. Instantly regretting her dumb response.

"I'd love to."

"Really? Cause that would be…"

"But I can't" Mark interrupted, standing up with his empty tray "I have surgery this afternoon."

"Ok" Addison said slowly "that's ok."

"Next time." He said with a smile, as he left the cafeteria

o

Addison had brought a small packet of sultanas with her to make it look as casual as possible as she checked the board. Sure enough there was a skin graft booked for the afternoon with Dr Sloan. She was happy he didn't lie, but could have been happier if the intern scrubbing in hadn't been Meredith Grey. She wasn't the only one:

"He's only done two surgeries and he picks Meredith for both!" Alex said to Cristina and George, who had come to see which doctors they had to butter up today and were staring intently at the board. Not noticing any of the other board spectators.

"Aren't they taking it a bit far?" George asked

"This is hilarious," Cristina said, still staring at the board "She doesn't want to do plastics…Oh and get this: they're only pretending to date."

"They're pretending to date?" Alex laughed, "What is this? Third gra…"

but he was interrupted by the sounds of Addison Sheppard, who had just swallowed a sultana down the wrong pipe out of surprise.

"Oh shit." Cristina said, staring at the choking surgeon, realising the huge mistake she'd made.

"Wow." Alex said, nodding his head and holding back laughter, "you really put your foot in it."

o

Mark was getting changed for surgery when Derek entered the locker room. Derek glanced quickly at Mark and then looked away. He half contemplated leaving and waiting until Mark had finished, but through better of it. In ignoring him, Derek didn't see the amused look on Mark's face, who could instantly sense the awkwardness and chuckled softly to himself. Derek had obviously chosen to ignore his ex-best friend…but Mark was not going to let him off that easy. Both were facing into their lockers, which were on opposite sides of the bay, leaving their back to talk to each other.

"How's your eye?"

"…it's great." Derek said uncomfortably "Thanks."

"Well," Mark said, putting on his scrub cap, "You'd do the same for me, right?"

Derek paused, and breathed in deeply before replying hesitantly: "well, sure."

"I'm not planning on any head injuries any time soon, Dr Shepard." Mark said closing his locker door, but still facing away, "you don't have to worry about any moral dilemmas in the near future."

"Mark…" Derek said, running his finger through his hair

"Derek, I don't want you to thank me." Mark turned around

"Then what do you want…you want me to forgive you?" Derek laughed bitterly "you lost your chance when you slept with Addison."

"I may have hurt you." He said slowly, moving over to Derek, to make his point heard. "But you hurt her…and that puts you right here with me."

As soon as Mark disappeared, Derek slammed the locker shut, letting the bang echo around the empty locker room. He was frustrated with him for suggesting that Addison was guiltless…but that was not the person that the Plastic Surgeon was talking about.

o

Addison waited as inconspicuously as she could outside the gallery. She nervously played with the press studs on her coat, as she waited for him to arrive. Meredith passed her, and offered a small smile as she entered the scrub room. Addison tried her best, but didn't quite know what to make of the intern. She didn't have to, as she spotted Mark, strolling confidently towards the OR.

"Addison." He said as he neared her

"Mark." She said "just quickly, I know you have surgery…"

"I have some time," he said placing a friendly hand on her shoulder

"I just had some surgeries rescheduled." She put on her best calm voice "and was wondering if you wanted to have a coffee when you've finished."

"I'm not going to be finished for a while Addison," He said with a sigh.

"Oh really?" she said though a fake smile

"And running this department…" he smiled back at her "it's taking a little longer to set up then I anticipated.

"Oh sure." She said and pointed towards the NICU "I gotta go…and do some stuff"

"Alrightly." He said, with a chuckle and let the Neonatal specialist pass by him.

o

Cristina, ignoring all instructions from Bailey, was desperately running around the hospital, trying to find Meredith. It wasn't that much of a problem, if Baily saw her running around. She'd just appeared to be answering important pages, not admitting that she was a horrible friend. But it was even too late for that. As she came to the corridor outside the OR she could see Addison had already gotten to Mark. But instead of accusation flying, Cristina just saw the two surgeons chat briefly, and then one entered the scrub room, ready for surgery and the other quickly walking off, rubbing her forehead slightly and fixing her hair. She could see Mark and Meredith in the scrub room, chatting casually, but there was no amount of friendship that would have Cristina admit her indiscretion in front of Dr Sloan. She was pretty sure that Addison wouldn't confront either of them. Not while they were in surgery. She took a deep breath, convinced her self that everyone was going to find out eventually and walked away.

o

Both Dr Sheppards were meeting Mrs Peacock in the NICU, to get permission for the impending surgery. It was bad news, something that the married couple though they'd heard too much of recently.

"I'm sorry Mrs Peacock." Addison said solemnly, "But depending on the success of the surgery, there is a chance that Oliver will only have about five good years."

"You mean…" She looked up slowly, emotion swelling in her face "You mean Ollie's could to die?"

"A large part of his brain has to be removed." Derek explained gently, "he may live ten years with the mental capabilities of a five year old or five years with no symptoms at all."

"And there is a small chance that there will be no repercussions at all." Addison reminded

"We won't know until we've performed the surgery."

"I'm not so sure." The woman said quietly, "I don't want to lose him."

"We never do," Addison said quietly, "Think about it…we have some time

"So," Addison turned to Derek as they exited the NICU and entered the lift. "How many years do you think we have?"

"I…don't know." He said, just as solemnly as before,

"Are we ever going to know?" Addison asked tentatively.

He just turned and looked at her with his slightly puffy eye.

"Derek…" She said slowly biting her lip, "I need to know. We all need to know. We tell Mrs Peacock that her child will die early, even though we are saving him, so that she can prepare her self. And I need to know…if I need to do the same."

o

Addison took a deep breath and ran her fingers through her hair. Derek had just walked off. He didn't answer her, she didn't want to know what that meant. She wasn't going to have a mental breakdown in the hospital. She wasn't going to think. She caught her reflection in a glass door and put on a determined face, straightened her dress and went to find a distraction.

o

Mark sat at his desk, surrounded by paperwork. This was not his idea of a good time. He resolved to find himself an assistant. He sighed and rubbed his eyes, it was getting late.

"Hi." Addison said, standing in the doorway

"Why hello." He said.

"It's seven o'clock." She said, sitting on the corner of his desk "I've finished for the day, you don't have any surgeries. Just wondering if you'd like some dinner?"

"Dinner huh?" Mark asked, scratching the back of his head.

"If you're busy, that's ok." She said, flustered "you know, its fine. it's just dinner."

"You don't mind do you?" he asked, not noticing her reaction, "I'd love to go now, but I'm afraid that this mountain." He gestured to the piles of papers "isn't going to go away in a hurry."

"No." she said, taking a breath, and putting on her smile again. "I don't mind at all."

"Addy?" Mark asked softly, "Are you alright?"

"Who me?" she asked with the same smile "I'm great."

"Good." He replied and disappeared under the piles.

O

"Addison!" Derek called out in the corridor

"Yes Derek," she replied with a sigh, stopping and facing him, seeing that he was wearing suit pants and a nice shirt, which she bought him

"The surgery's scheduled for Tuesday." He said as he turned and began to walk away, before she could question his attire.

"Is that it?" she asked desperatly, following him

"There's nothing to talk about Addison!" he said, continuing to walk

"Derek you can't just walk away!" she cried

He stopped as he got to the elevator and pressed the button. "I can." he said "I can't talk here"

"When are you ever going to talk?" she asked as the elevator doors opened, revealing Meredith Grey, who had also changed out of her scrubs and was wearing a skirt that Addison has purchased on a whim last week and a pair of blue ballet flats.

He didn't say anything to Addison, but answered her question as he greeted Meredith. She didn't want to know why they were both dressed up. Addison didn't care anymore.

o

Addison didn't need time to decide that her marriage was on the edge of destruction. She couldn't handle it. Not with Mark here. Especially when Derek wasn't even trying. Addison couldn't help it. She was a normal law abiding citizen. She'd never even received a detention while she was at school…ever. But she didn't want the scotch to get in the way of getting to Mark's. Scotch was the only think that Derek had in the trailer and it was foul and went straight to her head. She was lucky that the hotel was close, and made it with no accidents. She let the valet park her car.

o

_Sometime we'll find ourselves on the edge. You'll know when you're there, Because all your feelings are so mixed up and confused you don't know what anything is anymore. Or because you're unsure about love, or because you just can't face your problems or your indecisions…something will come along and try and help up make our minds…and either save us, or push us right over._

o

Mark answered the door with a bowl of pasta in his hands. The sound of the late news came into the corridors and his after-shave could be smelt clearly.

"Addison…" he asked slowly "What are you doing here?"

"Don't turn me away Mark." She said fiddling with her earring and not looking directly at him,

"Um…okay." He replied, and moved away from the door "but…"

"I can't live with him any more Mark. I just can't." she said sitting down on the couch, holding back tears "He can't talk to me. He can't even say hello. He doesn't think about me!"

"Are you drunk?" he asked, still standing up

"Of course I'm drunk!" she said, turning around, letting Mark see her eyes framed by running mascara "how am I supposed to remain sober when my husband won't look at me?"

"Addison…"

"Mark, he doesn't love me! I love him, and he is never going to see me in the same way again. Because his is too busy looking at…"

But she never got to finish. She'd suddenly spotted that she was sitting on a blue ballet flat. She pulled it out on to her lap and looked at Mark. She could hear a toilet flushing.

"I tried to tell you," he said, sympathetically

Addison turned around just in time to see Meredith Grey step out of the Bathroom.

"Your pasta's on the table." Mark said to Meredith, scratching the back of his head

"You know what…" Meredith said, with a forced smile, looking directly at Addison "I'm suddenly not hungry any more."

"Meredith…" Mark started

"This is what you want right?" she asked, as she quickly fetched her bag

"Meredith…" Mark tried again

"I can't find my other shoe." She said, and started walking around frantically with one ballet flat on, lifting up cushions.

"This it?" Addison asked, waving the shoe drunkenly in the air

"Yeah." Meredith said, and went to take the shoe, only to have Addison continue to hold onto the other end.

"You're everywhere…" She slurred, looking directly into Meredith's eyes then letting the shoe go.

"Not my intention." Meredith replied sulkily, jamming her foot into the slipper and quickly walking over to the door.

"Meredith don't." Mark said getting up and following her to the door.

"Just go already…"Addison moaned from the couch

"See you later, Mark," she said with the best smile she could, opening the door

"Meredith…" but the door was slammed before he could finish. He lent upon it and ran his fingers slow thought his hair.

"This pasta is delicious!" Addison said, to the worried Mark with her mouthful "your cooking's improved..."

* * *

Ok, so my computer just got wiped with all my music on it and, as a musician, I'm pretty sure that my life is completly over. i'm super angry and upset (i won't admit that i may have shed a few tears over computer files)...but with all this pent up emotion i'm going to write the next chapter! (watch out!...it promises to be INTENSE!) 

Nothing makes my day brighter then when i see **reviews **in my inbox! **hint hint!**


	9. Three Dimensions

**I don't own any of the character or any of the settings today **(yeah, wasn't in a particularly creative mood)

But, the plot...the plot is MINE!!

RachaelShepard is my Beta.

big thanks for all your kind words and reviews...never had so many before. You sure know how to make a girl happy!

The song is by Something for Kate, i love this band. the bass player is my idol!

* * *

_**  
**_

_**Chapter nine**_

**Three Dimensions**

The baby sat in its little glass cage, breathing out of tubs, surrounded by intermittent beeps and flashes from the various machinery that kept the infant alive. Meredith let him hold her finger as she looked through various charts, marvelling at the fact that there was just one little tube keeping Oliver Peacock alive. The intern was comforted by the darker, warmer environment (she'd never admit to any maternal impulses) and right now, she needed that comfort. She didn't want to think about what Mark and Addison were doing, and in watching the tiny infant she didn't have to. Nothing was contemplated. All that she needed to worry about was the persistent heart monitor.

o

_Every need to run sometimes…run away from their problems and find some place comforting to hide and recuperate. But not everyone runs in the right direction. Sometimes we run somewhere, much, much worse._

o

"Oh hi…" a surprised male voice called from behind her, "I didn't know you were on this case."

"I'm not." Meredith said removing her hand from the incubator.

"Well, that's a pity…" Derek said, absently flipping through the baby's chart.

He was wearing his suit jacket over the navy shirt, and Meredith could've mistaken him for a businessman, if she hadn't had know him. She paused and bit her lip, unsure if she was supposed to say something, or pretend he wasn't there.

"Well," Derek sighed, "in that case, you're not the right person to tell about the surgery time."

"No." Meredith said, unsure of his business-like tone.

"I was just checking his stats before I left again…"

"Oh, sure…" Meredith replied, moving out of the way of the heart monitor, so he could glance at it

"Right." Derek said, unsure of what to say

"Right…" she replied into the silence. "Why are you dressed up?"

"I had a meeting." He said, coldly "Make sure they page me if there are any problems."

"Okay…" she said, and watched him leave the NICU without turning around.

o

A nurse had shake the intern awake at around one o'clock and, in assuming that she was a visitor, tried to kick her out of the NICU. Meredith, still in her date clothing didn't protest. She had fallen asleep on the baby incubator. Not professional. Not good. She knew that Bailey was working that night, and didn't need another professional set back. Not tonight…or today. Meredith sighed, as she slowly gathered her things, re-arranged her things and went to find some where to sleep.

o

The door opened to his room opened and a beam of light shone into his eyes, he could make out a black figure, outlined in the light. He didn't have to even see her clearly to know that it was Meredith…he didn't need to have her throw her top at him, either…but he enjoyed it.

"George…" She whispered huskily

"Yes Meredith?" He replied, composed, moving to sit up in his bed, and letting the medical textbook fall to the floor.

"I hear you know how to make a girl happy." She said, standing at the foot of the bed

"Where d'you here that?" He ask, casually

"Your ladies George." She replied with a giggle. "Not one sexy nurse has ever said that you didn't satisfy her!"

"I do my best." He replied cockily

"Do you think that you could…make me happy George?" She said, crawling up the bed and lying on top of him.

"Meredith…I'd do anything for you."

"I've been waiting to hear you say that," she said and kissed him as hard as she could.

"Wow." George said, as they stopped kissing for some air.

"You're a great kisser." Meredith said,

"I am pretty good..." He agreed, with a cocky smile.

She giggled and reached for his shirt. She grabbed firmly and then ripped the t-shirt open, still giggling, and staring directly into the surgeon's eyes.

He couldn't contain his excitement and he rolled over to grab what he need out of the top draw, but when he rolled back, he found himself, not sharing a bed with a sex-crazed Meredith, but a horny, oversized, beeping pager.

"Shut up!" George yelled, not from his bed, where he had anticipated, but the floor. "Shut up, shut up, shut up!" He groaned, as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes and fumbled with his work pants that he had thrown on the floor before having his shower. He wasn't being paged once…but continuously.

He sighed, as he realised just how awake (amongst other sensations) he now was. He glanced over at the clock; 2:06, and he swore. The beeper wouldn't stop, and it began to ring in his ears. George ripped out the back cover and threw the two batteries at the wall. He'd never wanted another person as much as he did right at that moment…and all he had was a faulty pager.

He didn't even need to see that it was the NICU paging him to know that, like every other page he'd received, this one was absolutely fake. He sighed as he returned to his bed, closing his eyes and trying to return to his titillating dream.

He didn't succeed.

O

"Grey! Wake up!"

"wha…" Meredith mumbled,

"I said…wake up!" The piercing voice continued

"what time is it?"

"Doesn't matter what time it is." Dr Bailey's voice echoed inside the on call room. "People will die, no matter what the time is…"

"I'm not on call…" Meredith protested, burying her head into the pillow, hoping that if she didn't open her eyes, she could pretend that her Resident wasn't there.

"No, Dr O'Malley is, except he seems to have disappeared." She explained, her frustration heard clearly in her voice, "If you don't want time in the OR, I'm sure I could find someone else…"

"No, no…" Meredith said, hurriedly, removing the pillow and throwing off the blanket. "I'm up, I'm up." She sat up just a little too quickly, and hit her head on the bunk bed on top.

"Are you alright Dr Grey?" Bailey asked, not really worried for the intern's health, but cocked her head to the side as she contemplated Meredith's clumsy behaviour. "I hope you haven't been drinking."

"I wish…" Meredith mumbled, rubbing her head as she stood up properly this time.

"I am going to pretend…I didn't hear that." The resident said impatiently, and stated to move out the door. "Get some scrubs on and meet me room 304."

Meredith sighed and collected her bag and shoes. She needed some coffee…strong coffee.

o

Mark was always excited to do an emergency surgery. While he practiced a glamorous profession, he rarely got the adrenaline rush that came with the urgency to save a life. He wasn't liking the hours…no matter how exciting the procedure, five o'clock in the morning reminded him of being an intern. And the only way her knew how to deal with being an intern was coffee. A double shot expressio, to be exact. He took his place in the que, and was to busy wondering why another person would be drinking coffee at this hours to notice just exactly who it was in those generic light blue scrubs.

"Long black," Meredith said, slowly,

"And a double shot expressio." Mark added, moving up to share the front of the que with the intern and making sure that the person behind the counter knew that his ten dollar note was to cover both orders.

"Good morning to you too." Meredith said, staring directly at Mark, unsure how to treat him after the hotel incident.

"How are you?" He asked, with a smile that Meredith couldn't read.

"Hows Addison?" She asked as casually as she could.

"I don't know." He replied simply, raising his head to see how their coffee was coming.

"What's that supposed to mean?" She asked,

"You're very existential today…" He said, still not looking at her.

"What's going on Mark?"

"Well…" he started looking down at the counter, "I'm not in love with Addison."

"You're not?" Meredith asked

"That's what I said." He replied and looked directly into her eyes

"So then…what are we doing?" Meredith didn't know what to think

"What is there left to do…Derek's pretty much yours."

o

George walked into Seattle Grace Hospital in a bad mood. His hair wasn't right. His eyes were too tired and his coffee was too weak. Izzie teased him all morning and Meredith didn't come home last night. He didn't want to work at all. And to top it all off he had to try and find out where to get a new pager from…he changed the list when he saw his resident's face. Miranda Bailey was much worse then finding a new pager.

"Hypothetical question O'Malley." She said curtly "If I page you…and you're on call, what do you do?"

"Answer it…" he winced

"Right…" she said sarcastically "So what were you doing, that was more important?"

"My pager isn't working…" he tried to justify "I just keep getting called to all these places I shouldn't be."

"Did you get my page from the NICU?"

"Yes but I assumed…"

"Did you ring the hospital?

"No…"

"I see we have a problem." The resident said "I will try and explain this as simply as I can. I see an infant under your care with a collapsed lung…"

"Olli's lung collapsed?" he interrupted

"No talking!" she commanded holding her hand up "Now where was I…I see that you're on call. I page you…and you O'Malley? You answer that page if you want to see you're next birthday! Understood?"

"Yes, Dr Bailey" he replied

"And O'Malley?" she called as she began to walk down the corridor

"Yes, Dr Bailey?" he called after her

"Get that pager fixed!"

o

"And then what did you say?" Cristina asked, at the nurse's station, trying to catch up on as much gossip as she could before her next surgery

"Nothing." Meredith said, slightly worried "…he got a page."

"Now wasn't that convenient." Cristina drawled, as attempted to throw her pen into the nearest draw, missed narrowly and took her frustration out on Meredith's hopelessness.

"He's right." Meredith shrugged, looking up from her chart "Their marriage is pretty much over."

"So what's the problem? You can get what you want."

"That is the problem." Meredith said with a sigh "…I don't know if I still want Derek"

"After all that and you're just not interested?" she asked exasperated

"No I'm still interested…." Meredith said slowly "It's more complicated then that."

"You know what your problem is Meredith?" Cristina said, matter of fact, throwing her folder around for another person to pick up. "You want to have your happy meal and eat it too!"

o

_Some times you can get just what you want. An answer. A response. But as it turns out, we don't know what's best for us. We don't see the consequence. We don't see who gets hurt. When you watch a television you only see the love or the violence, you only see the screen. But in real life, there's more then that. We live in a three-dimensional world, where nothing can work out a cleanly as the television tells us it should._

o

Meredith was slightly apprehensive about working on the Shepard baby. Nobody wanted to help, no matter how exciting the surgery was, there was always that risk that you would be caught in the middle of a futile marriage counselling session

"How are his stats?" Derek asked, making Meredith jump. She didn't know he was there.

"He's stable." Meredith said slowly, readjusting the infant's chemical levels, not looking at him "and the collapsed lung was ruled to be a reaction to the drugs."

"Right…" he said slowly, not interested in the drugs or his patient, and letting his response just hang in the warm air of the NICU. "Meredith?"

She turned around, leaving the baby and looked, searchingly, into the doctors eyes.

"I like you." He said simply, suddenly letting his softer side show again

"I…like you too Derek." Meredith replied hesitantly

But he just looked at her, hurt "If you like me then why would you do this to me?"

"What am I doing to you?" She asked softly, not understanding him at all.

"Meredith, I don't just like you…" he swallowed awkwardly and then smiled for the first time. "I love you. You can do what you want to me…I love you."

Meredith stopped and suddenly found it harder to breath. She couldn't think. She couldn't take it…so she snapped.

"Derek, this isn't about what I do to you. This is about you being married. And you know what? You don't seem to love me enough to see what you do to me."

What would have been an awkward silence was replaced by the single tone of the heart monitor flat lining. Meredith could see where she'd left the syringe and the drug vial still sitting beside the incubator, and hadn't finished the job. Both stood numbly in the corner as several nurses and the neo-natal specialist come to save the baby.

Addison took one look at the attending and the intern and couldn't help all the possible scenarios running through her head.

"You." Addison said, coldly to the intern without looking at her properly "Off the case."

Meredith didn't protest. She'd never wanted to leave a room more. Addison quickly went over to the infant and expertly inserted the needle to re-inflate the lung. Derek just stood in the corner numbly.

"We have to operate now if Oliver's going to have a chance." Addison said, refusing to look at Derek as he slowly exited the room to scrub in.

o

No one was comfortable in the OR. Nurses shuffled nervously around the floor, preparing for the infants surgery with an unnerving quiet. This was all due to the face that Dr Shepard entered, saying nothing. Not a word. A blank face of determination had replaced his pre-surgery mantra.

o

"Dr Bailey sent me to scrub in…" Meredith said hesitantly. "there really is no one else."

"Dr Grey. You are not coming into this OR." Addison said, not looking at Meredith, but the infant's chest cavity.

"Addison…" Derek warned, uncomfortably aware of the audience

"Don't even try it." She replied placing the scalpel down at looking at her husband. "This." She motioned to Meredith "Is your mess. When are you even going to deal with it?"

"Excuse me?" he asked shocked

"I'm just going to go…" Meredith said, pointing to the door

"No don't." Addison commanded, maliciously. "if you're the only intern…this couldn't get much worse."

Meredith didn't know what to do. She risked a glance at Derek, but he was too busy attempting to access the tumour.

"Dr Grey?" Addison asked

"Right." She replied, walking hesitantly to table.

"Grab a tray for the removed tumour."

Meredith did as she was told. Looking directly at the baby in an attempt to lose the stares of those in the room and the gallery.

"There are slight irregularities…" a surgical nurse said, quickly moving to the heart monitor.

"How bad?" Dr Shepard asked, picking up his pace slightly

"About ten…" she replied

"Alright keep an eye on it" he said, with a sigh, "Meredith…can you?"

The intern did what she was told. But the other attending couldn't continue any more.

"You can't keep this professional for even a moment? Can you?" Addison hissed

"Funny," He commented, not even looking up from the microscope "You seem to be struggling…"

"I don't care that there are people here!" She said, handing her instruments back to the shocked surgical nurse and moving up to stand beside her husband "I could care that she's here! I could care about where you were last night! I could care that you don't care or I could care that I heard…yes, I heard you tell her that you love her! And you know what Derek? You know what's really funny? I don't care anymore…I can't."

She waited to see if he would respond. But he continued to look straight into the microscope. A tear fell softly down her cheek, taking a trickle of black mascara with it. The Neonatal specialist turned away from her husband and in doing so she suddenly became aware of the rest of the room. Every face was staring at her. Every face, wearing the same shocked expression. She took one deep breath and look back for one last time at the neurosurgeon before making a hasty exit out of the OR.

o

_Running away solves nothing. It might help you at the time. At the time you might feel like there is no other choice you can make other then to leave your problems behind you…but they catch up. You cannot run forever. Even marathons have to end, and when they do, you have to turn around to where you left off and see just what happened to what you left behind. Of course there is a small chance that you've out run them…but more often, they've just been getting bigger, waiting for you to return. They get stronger, so that when you face them, you just feel like running away again._

o

Meredith had seen what any dirty mistress would have rejoiced in seeing, but she wasn't so sure anymore. What happened in the OR was awful, and she couldn't help feeling responsible. She was still wearing the same clothes from the night before, and while she was pretty sure that she was dirty, she wasn't too sure about the mistress part. What she was sure of though, was returning home to a large tub of ice cream…a very large tub.

o

Mark Sloan had never felt so tired in his life. He had just completed a marathon emergency reconstruction. But while he was tired, he was still riding that natural surgery high. He couldn't wait to get out side, being cooped up all day. He didn't care about the rain, he just wanted to get some food and ignore all the complicated parts in his life. But he couldn't help it when he saw one, still wearing the same clothes from the night before quietly filling out forms at the reception.

"Meredith." he said, sliding along the bench to stand beside her

"Go away." She replied, the effects of the day taking obvious effects on her demeanour, but confusing the plastic surgeon, who had spent the day in a surgery bubble.

"Meredith?"

"What?" she asked, sharply

"Whoa…" he replied taking a step back, "what's going on?"

She just glared at him, before returning to her forms.

"Well, I noticed that you haven't made a move." He said, misinterpreting her silence "on Derek, I mean."

"I've gotta go…" Meredith said, overwhelmed by everything, throwing the pen back on the desk and turning away from the surgeon

"Meredith?" he asked, as she began to walk "Meredith!"

"Let her go." A voice commanded shakily from the nearby chairs of the waiting room. "She's had a big day."

"But I can't just let her walk off like that…" he argued still contemplating going after her

"You're in love with her aren't you?" Addison asked slowly

"I don't know what you're talking about." He said quickly. As finally lost sight of the intern he turned to look at the slightly dishevelled, but composed, Neonatal surgeon. "What happened to you?"

o

_Sometimes…everything happens._

* * *

your reviews keep me going! and make for a speedy update (and much homework procrastination) make yourselves happy and my teachers mad...Review! 


	10. Penny on the Train Track

i don't own the character or the settings.

sorry this took a while, i couldn't get onto a Beta, so if rachaelshepard is reading this...can you PLEASE check your emails! Well, i proof read this one, sorry folks! i could have waited, but all your reviews commanding me to update made me cave...(so...it's your fault. ha)

Title taken from a song by Ben Kweller.

enjoy.

* * *

_**Chapter ten**_

**Penny on the Train Track**

_The start of a new day. And with the new day comes new strength and new thoughts._ _ Where all your problems have been left in the day before, last nights sleep making them feel like months have past. Leaving you with nothing to worry about, except how you can start this day. How to make things better. Not fall into the same traps or mistakes. To face your fears, your problems. _

0

The lift doors opened on Derek Shepard, leaning coolly on the side. A small piece of his hair had fallen out of it usual hold and he hadn't shaved last night, but instead of indicting the stress he was under; Meredith though he looked even more rugged. She couldn't help but have a peak over her shoulder.

"Hi there." Derek laughed

"Hello." Meredith said with slight smile, returning to look at the front of the elevator.

"How are you going?" He asked, leaving the wall and moving to stand next to Meredith.

"Could be worse…" She said, "How about you?"

"I'm…" And he was about to say great, when the lift stopped and pick up another passenger on the first floor: Dr Mark Sloan.

"Derek." He nodded in the surgeon's direction. The nod was not returned. "Meredith?"

"Mark." She said,

"Do you want to grab a coffee?" He asked, glancing quickly over to Derek who had returned to the wall "I want to talk."

"What is there to talk about?" Meredith asked, slowly

"Well…" But he didn't get to finish either as the lift stopped on the second floor ad the doors opened on Dr Addison Shepard, who hesitated before getting into the lift and pressed the fourth floor button, even though it had already been pressed.

"Wow." Mark said, breaking the silence, he leant over a whispered to Meredith "well this is awkward…"

Meredith laughed. The other two had both heard the whisper, and chose to ignore it.

There was a silence again.

"You are going have a coffee with me." Mark said, as the door opened.

Meredith was about to concede when Derek, pushed passed Mark, knocking him to the side as he exited the lift.

"Derek?" Mark called after the neurosurgeon "Watch where you're going…"

Addison shook her head disapprovingly and quickly left the lift without saying anything. Meredith chuckled lightly before collecting her jacket and walking out of the lift, leaving Mark to brush himself off as he left.

0

_There are better ways to start your day. _

0

No intern knew exactly where they were. There were flashes of patients and bright fluorescent lights. Their resident's feverish pace had them all slightly disorientated, and while their legs were keeping up, they had left the brain behind. Well it wasn't just her fast pace:

"Am I interrupting anyone's beauty sleep?" Miranda Bailey looked at her interns, who were in varying states of sleep deprivation, "you are only starting your shift, if I see one of you." She stoped, and pointed at each one of them "slacking off when you are not supposed…so help you god! Understand?"

They nodded numbly

"Okay," she started again, yelling her orders over her shoulder. "Karev…Addison Shepard has some pelvic exams line up for you."

"Kill me now…"

"O'Malley, Yang. There are two car crash victims in the pit…"

"That means blood George…" Cristina whispered excitedly to her fellow intern who just raised his eyebrows

"Grey, Dr Shepard has requested you and uh…Izzie Stevens you can assist me with my tonsillitis patient." She turned around to shout another pearl of wisdom at her suck-ups, but only Izzie was still following her. "Where'd they go?"

"Where…you told them." Izzie said, as if it was obvious

0

The down arrow of the elevator seemed to surrounded by its illuminated ring for years before the familiar sound of the elevator reaching its destination fill the neurosurgeon's ears. He was a mess of thoughts, that wasn't help when the harrowed Addison in the lift replaced the warped reflextion of himself in the elevator doors by herself.

She was staring ahead with determination. Her coldness made him feel guilty.

"I didn't go out with Meredith the other night." Derek said softy.

"I know." She replied softly

"I was…enquiring about moving back to New York."

"You were, what?" she turned, suddenly caring

"Our marriage is over Addison, you know that." He replied softly "I can't look at you and then her and him everyday…I just can't do it."

"I know." She replied, and then took a deep breath before saying just as softly "they were only dating to make us jealous, Derek."

"Sorry?"

"She's not dating Mark." Addison whispered "go talk to her."

He just looked at her for a moment before quickly leaving

0

Izzie had some time to kill before surgery. She immediately went in search of her intern friends and hopefully the trail of blood that excited Cristina so much. Sure enough she found them attending to the car crash victims, but not in the dramatic fashion that they were used to. Cristina was eyeing the monitor sulkily and George had just returned from the lab, to see if the biopsies were ready…they weren't.

"We have to wait four hours until Shepard comes out of surgery before he can even look at them." George explained

"They don't look great…" Izzie commented, eyeing the blood and head trauma

"Dr Webber says that there wasn't any chance for them…but protocol says that we have to stay." George said, pulling up a chair beside Cristina

"The parents of my patient are freaking out and Bailey through it was best that she dealt with them." Izzie explained, also pulling up a chair, "So I also have time too kill. And means it's time for our vicarious thrill: what's the latest Meredith news?"

"This is great…" Cristina said, with a half laugh "The Shepards are all primed and ready for divorce, Mark has told her that she should go for Derek, who if I remember correctly was the subject of months of whining…and now she decides that she's not sure."

"What, did Mark say that?" Izzie asked

"Ya huh…"

"Maybe she's found someone better…" George suggested hopefully

"Bambi…you can get no better then that Mc Smorgasbord that she has laid in front of her!"

Izzie laughed "I can't believe how…Mark. How did he make her happy?"

"Have you seen him?" Cristina asked

"Yeah…" she replied with a slightly misty smile, "But he's so cocky…and so un-Derek."

"I think he's very like Dr Shepard…" George interjected

"Well, what ever it is," Cristina said, "His sleeping with Dr Montgomery-Shepard …well, actually, it did make him more like Derek"

"He slept with Dr Montgomery-Shepard?"

"Wednesday night."

"Really?"

"Well, Meredith was over, on one of her dinner dates…"

"Is that what they call it these day…" George said sulkily

"And she comes all drunk and orders Mere to leave." Cristina chuckles

"Ouch…" Izzie said

"Well right now all her McMeals come with a side serve of McWife,"

"I almost forgot," George interjected moodily "I saw Burke at the lab and he said that said that he needs a hand with his heart-attack patient. Interested?"

"I'm assisting Dr Bailey." Izzie replied, slightly disappointed

"I'm busy." Cristina said, looking around for something.

"Are you turning down a possible surgery?" George asked, flabbergasted

"You haven't talked to him yet have you?" Izzie asked, laughing at her friend

"I don't know what you're talking about…" Cristina muttered, still trying to find somewhere to disappear to

"You're such a hypocrite!"

"Excuse me?"

"You're happy to criticise Meredith when your relationship is in the same state!" Izzie reasoned

"Does that mean I can go?" George asked, excitedly

"Whatever. Meredith has way more problems then I do!" Cristina said

"Hey, at least she's talking to them." Izzie said, leaning forward as she made her hitting statement, "you could learn something from her."

And with that the two occupied interns left Cristina. She could hear Izzie trying to figure out a way she could do both, and was insanely jealous…but not enough to apologise. There was some feeling welling up inside her that wouldn't even let her think about it: Pride.

0

"You requested me?" Meredith asked

"Yeah, I did." Derek replied with a smile. Just standing in the middle of the pit

"…Um." Meredith was confused "What's the case?"

"Oh, there isn't a case." he replied, leaning on a nearby bench and just admiring Meredith.

"I don't think I'm getting this…" Meredith replied, slowly

"I wanted to talk to you." He said simply

"I'm…I'm at work Derek."

"All I want is five minutes." He said slowly, "then I have a patient with Huntington's disease for you."

"Huntington's disease?"

"Yeah." He said with a smile

"Is there really anything you can do for them?"

"After we talk, maybe…"

"Oh right." She said, quickly "sorry."

"That's okay." He said "I was wondering if you'd like to, uh…come out for dinner tonight?"

"What did you say?" Meredith asked

"You, me…Dinner" he explained in Tarzan terms

"A casual dinner between friend? Is that what you're saying?" Meredith tried to pre-empt him, "'cause we don't make good friends Derek."

"If it has to be, as friends, I can cope with that." He shrugged

"How else could it be?"

"Well, I heard you're single and now…so am I"

"What?" Meredith slowly felt the room close in on her

"Addison and I." He sighed, "We're not longer married."

"You divorced her?" she whispered,

"I couldn't live between the both of you." He said with a smile "I chose you."

"And you divorced her…for me?"

"Is there something wrong?"

"Yes," she took a deep breath "you didn't ask me."

"But I though you…and me."

"And when you were signing those papers, did you just write Meredith Grey as you reason?" Meredith was getting frantic

"Meredith calm down!" He said, "I thought you would have been happy for me…for us."

"Just a happy-home-wrecker Meredith?" she asked, a tear slowly rolling down her cheek.

"I know you and Mark aren't dating." He said, loosing his flirting tone

"Where did you get that from?" She asked, shocked, she was even sure that she had been dating the plastic surgeon

"Addison told me." He said, "just then."

"So you divorced her, still thinking that I was with Mark?"

"It's not like that Meredith!"

"And you just thought that you were so great…that I, that I would just come straight back to you?"

"Meredith…"

"It's not like that Derek!" Meredith said, bitterly "You have to work a little hard then that this time!"

0

Running a department came with its perks. For example, you got picks of all the best surgeries or you could take a little time off to sort out your messy love life. Either way, Mark was enjoying the power. What he was not enjoying was the rest of his life's hassles. He didn't want to do what he was setting out to, but Mark was not the kind of man to shy away from a woman. He loved women almost as much as they loved him, and it always broke his heart to break theirs.

"Mark…" Addison said, looking up from her paperwork.

"Addison." He nodded

"It's okay." She said, with a forced smile, as she got up from he desk and went to the filing cabinet "I get why you're here."

"Addison, we need to talk…"

"More like, I need to apologise."

"I didn't say that…"

"You didn't have to Mark." Addison said gently, "it was really, all me."

"Now, Addison…" Mark tried to interrupt

"Look Mark, I don't know how I feel about you." Addison said, pausing in her work to look at him, "I know how I feel about Derek. I know how we felt in New York. I know why I left you in New York…"

"That was a momentary laps in judgement…" He said automatically

"I know why you've come back." She continued, ignoring his protests. She'd heard them before "I know what you've been planning with her"

"I don't have any plans…"

"And I know how you feel about her…Even if you don't"

Mark didn't have anything to interject with, and he had no idea what to do as all the control of the situation had been firmly taken away from him.

"So…I'm not going to be there, so you don't screw this up."

"I don't…screw things up." He replied, slightly hurt

"Yes…yes you do Mark." She started to laugh, cause she didn't know what else to do "You screw everything up."

0

"I need a new case…" Meredith said, awkwardly, following Dr Bailey.

"So I heard." She said, throwing the intern a judgemental stare, "I don't listen to gossip…I actually heard it with my own ears. And that's rare in this hospital."

Meredith didn't say anything, but put on the best grin she could under the current circumstances.

"Look, I'm about to perform a tonsillectomy. I can't watch you." Dr Bailey said slowly "and you need to be watched."

"I need a hand Miranda," a voice called softly from behind the intern's back

"Addison." Dr Bailey took a deep breath "Are you sure?"

"I got a couple of premies." She replied, moving into the conversation with a familiar false smile "They need to be monitored"

"Dr Grey?"

She just took one panicked look at her resident.

"Don't look at me!" Bailey said, smoothly, "I'm going to scrub in…"

And she left the two women by themselves on the busy pit floor. Addison took one quick glance at the intern before starting to move towards the NICU. Meredith followed dutifully

"I didn't really need help on this case." Addison said, scratching her head "I just thought I owed you an explanation."

"Oh, I don't need another one of these."

"And I don't really know why I'm even talking to you, "she sighed, ignoring the intern's protests "but I made a move on Mark."

"Sorry?"

"While I was still with Derek." She said awkwardly, "Not so proud of that…but I asked him to take me back and he didn't."

"But what about…"

"The hotel?" She winced slightly, "He called me a cab."

"Oh." Meredith didn't know what to say

"I know he wouldn't tell you …'cause he's Mark and always thought that he would stay a bachelor forever, in a house full of many…naked women. But it takes a lot for him to turn another woman down. I don't know if he'd say it…or even if he has said it…or what I'm even doing." She stoped and took a deep breath "But he likes you…he likes you a whole lot."

0

Neither car crash victims made it. Cristina wasn't happy. No it wasn't for the loss of life. Both didn't even make it to surgery. It was a waste of human surgery. And she had to watch them and make their last minutes as comfortable as she could, all the while watching both of them slip into the delicate balance between life and death…brain damage. She sat beside the husband, Mr Kweller, slowly filling out the details of his death in her blurry scrawl. She soon became aware of the fluorescent glow as the light slowly faded from the outside window. She sighed. Izzie was doing a tonsillectomy, She was:

"Filling out forms, Yang?" A familiar voice caused her to look up.

"Burke…" Cristina said, looking up

"You've been avoiding me." He stated, blankly

"Why would you say that?" Cristina asked as casually as she could

"You left early this morning."

"I had work."

"And you weren't home last night because?" he asked with a sigh

"I can go out, can't I?"

"I'm not saying that." He replied

"Then what are you saying?"

"All I'm saying," He said, slowly getting up "is that you wouldn't have to avoid me if you just apologised."

0

_Advice is seldom welcome, and those who need it the most, like it the least. But do we have to listen to it? Do we have to do what we're told? And does the person that you are taking your advice from really know more then you do?_

0

Derek wasn't sure of what to expect when he returned to trailer. If it wasn't specifically his trailer, he might have contemplated going to a hotel room. But thankfully, when he entered, he was faced with Addison, packing two very large suitcases. He went straight to the liquor cabinet, bypassed a glass, and took a very large swig from the scotch bottle.

"Your day must have been just as good as mine." Addison commented dryly

"Your advice sucks." He replied, sourly, sitting down on what small amount of room he could find on the bed, which was covered in her clothing.

"It's not usually the ex-wife's job to offer advice on dating again." They both silently winced as their divorce was brought up again

"I told her everything." He said with a sigh, "and I just drove her away"

"Well, it seems that we are in the same situation." She replied, sitting next to him and lightly prying the scotch bottle from his fingers and taking a generous sip herself.

"I cant believe how…over this is." He said quietly

"Was it always going to happen?" Addison asked, "Right from the beginning, were we always going to end up like this?"

"I guess we'll never know…"

"No." she said, extending her left hand to look at the wedding ring she hadn't take off yet.

"Wow." Derek said with a sigh. "Ten years of marriage, and that's all we have to show for it."

"You know." Addison said with a sad laugh, "I didn't like it at first. I'm mean; I loved the proposal…and the getting married. But it took a while for the ring to grow on me."

Derek chuckled lightly, taking the bottle for another swig, and trying not to think of the thousands he had spent.

She sighed, and brought her right hand to her left ring finger, gently turning the diamond ring until it came off her finger. She grabbed his hand, and put the ring in his palm before taking the bottle back

"It's heavier then I remembered…"

"In more ways then one." she laughed sadly as they both took a moment to stare at the ring. "I have some more advice…if you want it."

"Alright" he replied, neither could look up

"In many ways you're a better man then Mark…in so many ways" She said sadly "but don't piss off your woman when Mark's in town. Because he's better at helping them pick up the pieces then you are."

0

Mark couldn't stop thinking about what Addison had said. Not today, but the day before. He had actually spent most of the day trying to forget when happened in their last conversation. If any one asked, he'd say that they came to a mutual agreement. But he'd be lying, and he knew it. What he wasn't so sure of was the intern. Or what she meant, to him or to Derek. He didn't know if he could watch her go back to him…he didn't know if it was a good idea going to her house either, but he had to do something.

He wished that he lived in a place like this when he was an intern, and he chuckled to himself at the thought of the apartment that he and Derek shared, that never had hot water, and never wanted to bring any ladies home sober, for fear of his image of being a super smooth doctor being replaced by a poor, tired intern. As he climbed the stairs slowly, he suddenly became aware of how he didn't care if his apartment was a tip, as long as he could bring her somewhere.

"Hi." He said as the door opened on George O'Malley

"She's not here." He replied, bluntly

"But her car..."

"She's at the bar." He interrupted

"Right…" he asked, slightly confused "Am I missing something?"

"Meredith only goes out drinking when she's upset" George couldn't help letting his feeling be felt, "and I can't help thinking that you're slightly responsible."

"Right…" he repeated dumbly

"So." George said, with a newfound confidance in the surgeon's discomfort "Is there any thing else I can do for you."

"Yeah, there is." He didn't quite know what he was doing "I want you to tell her that I lo…No look, when she's ready, tell her I need to see her. George, can you do that for me?"

"Sure." He lied

"Thanks." The attending replied, descending the stairs numb with his own emotions

"No problem." But there was a problem.

As George watched Dr Sloan walk out to his car all he could do was think about just how much of a problem that the attending was for Meredith. He was going to hurt her again. As George closed the door, he resolved that he wasn't going to let Meredith get hurt again. If she couldn't realise it now, he would have to make her do so…before it was too late.

0

_Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer…but wish we didn't._

0

"I don't need alcohol to have a good time." Meredith said to Joe, as he dried glasses. "And I don't need men to have a good time!"

"Until I start serving non-alcoholic beverages, I'm going to have to disagree." He said with a smile, "I don't serve men yet…but I am biased."

"I don't need it to make me feel better," she tried to convince herself, "in fact, the next day, we all feel worse…"

"So…you want a water?" he asked, slightly confused at the change of character, "you haven't come to the best place to give up the drink."

"I'm not giving up." Meredith said with a smile. "Oh no! I'm happy, I don't need it. I'm not in love with Derek and my fake boyfriend ended it with me."

"A fake boyfriend?" Joe asked raising an eyebrow "how does that work."

"It doesn't." Meredith said, "that's why I…I mean, we. That why we broke up. And why we're never going to get together, ever again and I do not still have feelings for Derek!"

"That wasn't the truth now, was it?" Joe said, seeing though her act

"Nope." Meredith said, dejectedly…she couldn't keep it up for five minutes. "What am I going to do?"

"Well, what do you really want?" Joe asked,

"Tequila." She replied, leaning on the bar.

"I was actually talking about your problems." Joe said, with a chuckle, fetching a shot glass

"Tequila is most definitely, one of my problems…" she replied. Taking a deep breath before putting away her first shot of the night.

* * *

I just saw xmen 3, with all the McSteamies running around...can you imagin?! 

this is the part when i ask for a little bit of your feedback and thoughts...please?


	11. To All of You

i don't own any of the characters or the settings...

I am truly sorry that this took two weeks. no i really am. And that isn't a 'sorry i forgot to do that essay on the categorical imperative'. that's sorry i truly hope you forgive me...really.

this is devoted to every person who hounded me for reviews, and made me seriously behind in my revision for exams next week...yikes! (if only i could do this professionally...) any way...longest chapter EVER, so settle down, get yourself a bite to eat and enjoy! (hope it was worth the wait!)

thanks to 1987 and rdrherrera!

...i love you guys...no really

oh and the song is by Syd Matters! it's very cute...

* * *

_**Chapter 11**_

**To All of You**

**0 **

0

_Do you ever wonder that if you had made a different choice somewhere along the way, you wouldn't be the same person you are today? If you hadn't turned left. If you had taken art instead of chemistry at school. If you had kissed Dennis Parker in tenth grade. If you had studied for that test. If you hadn't gone to the bar that night. Hell, if you had just walked into any other bar. Who would you be? And by stepping through that next door and making that next turn… who are you becoming?_

0

Addison had just been to the gym. A big sweaty gym, full of panting, wet and dedicated people, all running towards their same imaginary destination on the treadmills. And…as of that morning, she was going to be one of them. She was also going to stop drinking (well, maybe just the harder stuff to start off with) and that tiny, tiny chocolate bar she took from the mini bar was going to be her last. She was going to change…be an independent woman. Strong, no problems…nothing. No one in the hospital would know what was going on. All they would see is a cool calm exterior. Very cool, totally calm. But, Addison wasn't calm…she'd just run 3 miles and her heart rate was racing…well, she'd left the gym at seven o'clock an it was now ten. It was not the exercise, it was taking that first step into Seattle Grace Hospital as Dr. Montgomery, that had her heart racing.

0

"So how's your head?" Mark asked, running a little to catch up with the intern who had just finished pre-rounds.

"Am I that obvious?" she stopped and asked, self-consciously.

"Sorry?"

"Do I look hung over? Is it that obvious?" she brought a hand up to her face

"No, you look fine." He replied gently taking her hand back down to her side, "George said you went out last night, didn't he tell you…"

"He hasn't said anything," Meredith replied.

"He didn't say that, I…" Mark slowly realized.

"We just did pre-rounds together, is there something I should know?"

"No, not you." He replied, "You better hurry, that Bailey woman is on a war path."

"She is?" the intern asked, with an exasperated sigh, "I've got to go."

0

"Ok." Miranda Bailey called over her clipboard, "Karev?"

"Dr. Bailey?"

"What did you do to Addison Shepherd?"

"Sorry?"

"You're on her service…again, today. The two premature infants."

"I'm what?" he asked, exasperated, "No way!"

"Yes way, Dr. Karev. That's a very interesting case…you, should be happy" Bailey replied to his protests, as she scanned her clipboard for the next intern's job. "Grey, O'Malley and Stevens, there is a small child that has been mauled by a dog down in the ER."

"Man, that's plastics!" Alex exclaimed frustrated.

"And Neuro." Bailey commented absently, "The kid has a concussion. Fell over."

"You know what." Meredith said, realizing who the two surgeons she would be working with today were going to be, "I looked after the babies yesterday…I know their charts. Maybe Alex or Cristina…"

"No swapping!" the resident commanded angrily "I _assign_, you _do_. End of story."

"I haven't been assigned to anything…" Cristina said eagerly, but quickly stopped when she saw her resident's irritated face, "yet."

"Dr. Burke asked for you to assist him with his patient yesterday, and apparently you were too busy." Bailey turned to Cristina, "So today, you are going to feel what it is really like to be too busy to scrub in on an interesting surgery, Dr. Yang."

"How did you…"?

"Does not matter how I know." She said, turning around to all her interns "But if any of you let your personal lives get in the way of you saving someone else's you will live to regret it. Understand? And I _will _know."

They nodded mutely.

"Next time you have a problem with your attending, Dr. Yang, you suck it up and you act professionally. Just like Dr. Grey here is going to do today." She stared at the intern to make sure her point was understood. "Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes," Meredith answered glumly, it was going to be a wonderful day.

"Ok then, shoo!" she replied, waving her hand in the air as her interns scattered obediently.

0

"Okay…" Dr. Mark Sloan, said, sliding into his next patient's room, "Who's going to fill me in here?"

"This is Sid," Izzie replid,"he's seven years old…"

"I'll be eight in two days!" the child interrupted .

"Eight in two days." Izzie complied with a smile, "He was mauled by a dog, sustained a head injury and lost consciousness."

"Right." The surgeon said, moving over to the patient. "Where are your parents?"

"My Mom's down at the cafeteria," the child replied.

"We can fill her in when she comes back. We're looking at about five larger facial lacerations…that will require stiches. And there's one more problem." He looked up at his interns. "Any ideas?"

The interns shuffled nervously, George and Izzie didn't have the answers and they weren't used to that. Meredith, on the other hand, didn't want to be noticed.

"Okay…" Mark said still surveying the silence. "If we don't know we can ask our patient what's wrong."

"I can't breath good," the child answered dutifully.

The surgeon smiled at his patient before turning back to his interns. "Any guesses? O'Malley, you're a competent Doctor, aren't you?"

"Yes sir, but…"

"Well, then. What's wrong?"

"I'm not too sure," George protested, "We're not taught about plastics procedures."

But, the attending just laughed.

"You don't need to be taught about this from med school." He replied cockily, "You could get this out of a book!"

"If I had of know I would have been on this case, I would have read up Dr. Sloan…"

But Mark wasn't really paying attention to George; he was looking rather, at the intern, who was shyly avoiding his gaze and chuckled lightly.

"Dr. Grey, you read books."

"Yes." She finally looked at him.

"Care to…" he motioned to Sid.

"I…um." She hesitated, before moving over to the bed, she pulled out her torch, but only pretended to use it. She could clearly see that the left nostril had collapsed.

"Dr. Grey?"

"I'd suggest a rhinoplasty, on the left side, using foreign tissue to create a support, while the bridge heals…"

"Well," he turned to his patient, "I know which doctor you'd rather have."

The child just smiled at him as Mark continued, "Dr. Stevens, I'll need some help with sutures. Dr. Grey, could you go talk to Sid's parents about the procedure."

"Um, Dr. Sloan?" George asked warily.

"Get me a coffee O'Malley." He said, and turned to look at the intern with his best smirk."Do you think you can do that?"

0

Dr. Shepherd strode into his patients room in his usual dreamy style. Letting his hair bounce slight, and his breath racing just a little. He was anticipating flirting with his intern, but got an unwelcome surprise…

_Mark_ was bent over the patient, carefully performing his world-class sutures, and sharing pearls of wisdom with Dr. Stevens and the intern he'd been thinking about all day. _His_ intern.

"And that's the last stitch." Dr. Sloan said as he quickly and expertly pulled the thread through and tied a small knot.

"You did a great job Sid!" Izzie added.

"Got a bit of a hero here," Meredith joined in. None of them had noticed the doctor behind them.

"Well, I'm going to grab your mom's signature." Dr. Sloan said, collecting all the materials he had used, and pulling his gloves off.

"What's he gonna do?" the child asked and pointed to the neurosurgeon.

"So many things…" Mark mumbled under his breath, as he stood up and walked out of the room.

"I'm Dr. Shepherd," he introduced himself, once the plastics specialist had left the room. "I'm here to make sure that you didn't sustain any injuries when you hit your head."

"Okay."

"Um…Dr. Stevens, take him down to get an MRI. I'll probably just have to clear him for surgery."

"Right."

"Okay Sid," the surgeon said, charismatically to his patient "Dr. Stevens here is going to take you down to our MRI to take some pictures of your brain."

"It can see in my head?" the child asked, excited.

"Sure can!" the Doctor replied with a smile, as Dr. Stevens pulled out the bed and started the long arduous journey down to imaging. "Cute kid."

"He's a special one…" Meredith commented absently, still consulting the patient's chart. Well, she was struggling to. She was alone with McDreamy and she knew that he had planned it this way.

0

As usual, there was a large line for the MRI. Izzie never thought to call ahead. When her patient wasn't critical it never really registered. She didn't mind this time because her patient was full of conversation. Nothing was worse then having an awkward patient, usually a nervous middle-aged woman, and then spending the next hour in a conversational deadlock.

"It uses magnets to take a photo of your brain," the intern explained to the amazed seven-year-old.

"So if I put a magnet to my head, can I take pictures too?"

"Well, it doesn't really work like that…"

"No these are super magnets!" Alex said, coming up from behind Izzie, trailing an incubator behind him, "They send messages to all the tiny cells in your body."

"They talk to them." Izzie offered

"It's going to talk to me?" the child asked excitedly. Izzie was glad that the information didn't scare him.

"Sure is." Alex replied, and then turned to Izzie "speaking of which, when are you gonna talk to me?"

"We're talking now," Izzie said, slightly amused at his attempts to reconcile.

"Right," he replied and kissed her quickly on the cheek, "well, there's more where that came from, but right now." He gestured to the incubator "cutsies?"

"We've got to wait a little longer Sid." Izzie said with a sigh

"That's ok." He replied, unfazed "are you guys married?"

Izzie nearly choked, "Us? No…no we're not married."

"You're not, cause that what my cousin does and she just got married at the seaside. I was the page boy." He said smugly, before realising that his question wasn't answered, "So then, what are you?"

"Um." Izzie looked over at Alex who was just as uncomfortable as she was. They should probably sort this out.

0

"Derek…" Meredith warned

"I miss you Meredith." He said, slowly moving towards the intern.

"Really, Derek?" She asked tentatively "you're not just saying that because Addison divorced you?"

"I can't see my world without _you_. Meredith Grey…I love you." He smiled, "I miss what we had. I miss kissing you. I miss waking up next to you. I miss picking you for surgeries when I shouldn't. I miss _you_…and I should never have let it get to the stage where I'd be missing you…I love you, and I can't go another moment without knowing if there's even the smallest chance, that you still have feelings for me."

"Whoa…" Came a voice from the door, "Am I interrupting something?"

Mark Sloan had been listening outside and could not let it go on anymore. He looked from the uncomfortable surgical intern and then to Derek, and tried not to let his feelings for the surgeon show.

"The mother wants to speak to you." He said, "She wants to wait till after his birthday to have the surgery."

"Great," Derek replied sarcastically.

Mark moved out of the doorway to make room for Derek, who purposely brushed past him. Mark didn't mind…he knew he deserved it. He slowly looked up at Meredith. She was standing numbly in the corner. He wanted to go over to her, but he didn't know if it was his place.

"I…I had to stop it." He said awkwardly from the doorway. "Sorry."

She just nodded, not really looking at him. Mark sighed and walked out. Derek was always there and always there with something better, always first.

0

There was no one at the geriatrics nurses desk. The place was unusually deserted. George couldn't handle it. He'd answered every page out of pure fear of Dr. Bailey. And this was the third today, when he answered something that wasn't really there. He was happy that there was no one there. Because, it meant that he didn't have to go through the embarrassment of having to constantly explain himself to the nursing staff. Who must think he's insane by now. This was his second beeper in some many days, so it wasn't the beeper. And if the nurses were playing a prank on him, they certainly weren't around to enjoy it. In fact they were starting to get very annoyed with his constant accusations. The intern sighed, and took a seat in one of the abandoned office chairs. He slowly turned himself around. He didn't think about the beeper. All he saw was a picture of Dr. Sloan and Meredith. They disgusted him. Him, favouring her. Her knowing everything! George might've had the same chance if his mother was a surgeon too. Rhinoplasties…that wasn't common knowledge. And that wasn't fair.

He spun gently on the chair, engulfed in his thoughts. The quietness of the hospital ward providing an unusually comfortable place for the intern. No plastic surgeons. No Neurosurgeons. And no beepers. He sighed as he made one rotation, but stopped suddenly. He could've sworn that the Venetian blinds of the adjacent office moved. He couldn't be watched. If Bailey found out he wasn't answering a page and slacking off…

Four fingers slipped back through to the other side of the blind. Someone had been watching him thought the blinds. He stood up slowly. Careful not a make a noise, and slowly crept across to the doorway. He heard a small thud, and the ruffling of pages, from inside the room. Someone was watching him.

He stepped inside the office, and spotted a nurse sitting quietly at the desk. She was pouring over some paper work, and waited until she'd finished her last line before she looked up. She looked at him through glasses with a thick rectangular frame, her beady brown eyes quickly dating over him to see who it was. She had her hair roughly packed into a high ponytail. She looked like she meant business, but that look quickly evaporated after she really took him in and began to laugh.

"Dr.. George O'Malley…" she giggled

"Hi." The doctor stuttered, "Were you watching me?"

"The infamous Dr. O'Malley."

"Sorry," George was confused, "How do you know me?"

"No reason," the nurse replied simply, "I mean, you're the heart in the elevator guy, right?"

"Um, yeah." The intern had almost forgotten.

"Katia was on that case," the nurse motioned to another nurse who was sitting shyly in the corner, who gave a brief wave before turning back to her work.

"Nurse Hillary," the intern replied, thankful his memory pulled through this time. He hated it when he didn't remember names.

"Well, great job." She replied. And she returned to her work.

The intern stared at her a moment and then turned to the other nurse, both were acting like he wasn't there. George quickly got the message and left. More confused than he was when he came in.

0

George's pager didn't ring again until one o'clock. He trundled off to the plastic department. The intern was getting the impression that Dr. Sloan was picking on him. He fetched the attending a coffee. Two different threads for sutures…he had changed him mind when he saw them both. George was pretty sure that Mark knew he hadn't told Meredith. So what? No reason to take away time that George could be spent being a doctor…instead of Mark Sloan's personal maidservant.

"O'Malley!" The attending swirled around on his chair to face the intern, wearing one very smug grin, "You're not busy are you?"

"Well, I was just helping…"

"Great." The attending replied, swirling back around to his work "I left my brief case in the patients room."

"You know I have important…"

"Go O'Malley!" the Doctor ordered sternly but absently, as he concentrated on his work. The intern had no opportunity to protest, as he couldn't secure Dr. Sloan's attention. He quickly left with a sigh.

The attending chuckled to himself as George left. He didn't carry a brief case. He quickly left the paper work on his desk…Dr. Mark Sloan did not do paperwork if he could help it, especially when he could go home. The doctor did not do anything he didn't have to and it had taken him this far. Dr. Sloan didn't go out of his way to talk to someone, he didn't tell people how he felt. He didn't need to, to be happy in the past. But as he collected his keys and hung his white coat, that sported his name and several impressive acronyms behind it, on the hanger behind his door, the surgeon realised that his usual wasn't going to be good enough to get what he wanted this time.

0

Meredith came into the patient's room, she just wanted somewhere to escape to. And in hindsight, the best place to hide from the two surgeons was probably _not_ the room of a patients they were both treating. But Meredith couldn't think clearly. Sid was sleeping. Thank god.

Meredith slumped into her chair that was normally reserved for parents and friends and people that had to make life-changing decisions about other people. She was pretty sure that this chair was the most appropriate place for her to sit right now.

Sid began to shake violently. Meredith got up quickly and ran over to the other side of his bed. She panicked. She knew to roll him over on his side. But the seizures wouldn't stop that way and there was something she was supposed to do, but couldn't. There was a choice she was supposed to make, but she couldn't do it.

"Meredith have you seen Dr. Sloan's… What are you doing?" he asked, running over to the wall and pressing the code button "Meredith?"

But she couldn't respond. All she could do was stare blankly at the child who couldn't control his body.

"Move!" George yelled as he made his way over to the dip and administered the valproic acid.

Meredith just took a step back and watched as the faceless medical professionals came in to assist George. She heard words like 'subdural haematoma' but she couldn't even think of what they meant. All she could do was glace at her watch, five o'clock, walk numbly out of the room to get changed. Her shift was over.

0

If Christina weren't so tired she would have considered not turning the key of her apartment at all. Bailey had seen to it that she did not have a spare minute of the day to even have a coffee. She could barely walk and regardless of how long she spent in the shower, she still smelt of vomit. She cringed as she entered the display home that was her apartment. Burke was sitting at the table that was set for two, as it was every night when he got off before she did. But she knew that something was different and it was all her fault.

"How was surgery?" she asked as casually as she could, sitting down.

"Mr. Lowe will live to see another day," the surgeon replied, resting his elbow on the table so he could look at the intern who was trying so intently to avoid his gaze, "How about you?"

"Bailey decided that I wasn't allowed to do any surgery today. But I'm trying to get on Dr. Montgomery's premature infants case."

"Well, good luck." He said, without any trace of sarcasm. Cristina couldn't continue.

"I don't apologize."

"I can see that."

"But I do wish that things happened differently." She moved her peas around her plate,.

"I wish you didn't get pissed off so easily,"

Preston Burke looked at her over his glasses

"And I wish I wasn't responsible for it."

He chuckled lightly

"Is that alright?" she asked, "cause that's really the best I can do."

"I don't really want the apology," he said returning to his dinner.

"Then why'd you ask me to?"

"You were avoiding me."

"You were angry with me."

"No, I never said that," he replied, "…you put all that guilt on yourself."

0

_The right sorts of people don't want apologies. They know you; they know that that's who you are. They understand that two words or three words can't fix everything. It isn't the words. It's the guilt that you feel. It's that you realize that you made a mistake and you want to change what you did. But you can't. All you can do, is realize that you were wrong. And try to make it better again. _

0

The doorbell rang at about eight o'clock. Almost at the same time that Meredith was preparing to go to Joe's. Derek had floored her. And thus, she needed some tequila. What she did not need was Mark Sloan at her door.

"Mark…" Meredith said softly, "what are you doing here?"

"Ok." He said with a sigh, "Here's the deal. You don't get to talk. Whenever I try to talk theses days people keep interrupting me and this time I have some important to say…okay?"

"Mark, what are you…"

"I was in love with Addison. I don't like to settle down, see. But you know, I thought maybe, she was worth it. Something changed and she isn't that woman anymore. I'm not a commitment person, I am a dirty mistress…Scratch that, I am _the _dirty mistress."

Meredith tried to laugh, but nothing came out

"There are three over-used words, that I throw around as much as I can, if I think it'll get me somewhere, and normally they do. But, I'm not going to say them to you, 'cause I don't think they really mean anything."

He grabbed her hand and chuckled with the weight of what he was about to say. "You're such an easy target and all you do is stress…I don't care. You mean the world to me, with all you insecurities, and your stubborn medicine and your alcoholism and your dirtiness. Every single bit." He stopped and swallowed before continuing.

"I think that's it. And I don't want you to reply, I just ask that you close that door and think about me…if you can, and what I said…and not of Derek. 'Cause I don't want to have you go back to him, when you could come back to me."

He let go of her hand. And let her watch him walk out to his rental car. He pulled out his keys, and pressed the button. The lights flashed, letting him know the car was unlocked. He turned around, to see her black shadow still standing in the doorway, leaning against the frame. He smiled and then opened the door. That was possibly the most mature thing he had ever done.

0

Addison was a little earlier for work today then usual. This was because she'd left an hour to go to the gym this morning, but…didn't. She did her hair and ate a chocolate bar. Her fantastic no-husband resolutions had seemed to float right out of the window. She decided to go and get some sushi from the canteen. The Japanese were a healthy race…probably with a great divorce rate. Raw fish wrapped in rice and seafood screamed healthiness and could easily counteract the lack of gym, chocolate and the generous glass of scotch she downed last night. But she got a page before she could find out. This was not going well. Addison was not a new person. This was just a new day with the old Addison and more infants and mothers who were struggling to live.

0

"Oh god, sorry. I'll try the next…Meredith?" George asked, suddenly recognizing the dormant lump under the generic on-call room blanket.

"What George?"

"You don't look great…did you come home last night?"

"I was home for some of the night…"

"Did you come home after you went to Joe's?"

"I didn't want to drive." Meredith moaned, "and there's a bed just here."

"Didn't Bailey…"

"Hasn't seen me yet…and isn't going to."

"Are you okay Meredith?"

"No George," Meredith said bringing her hands up to cradle her face, "I nearly killed that kid…stone dead and I can't sleep no matter how hard I try…all I can think of is how stupid my life is."

"You're life isn't stupid." George said, and hesitated before saying "If there's anything I can do…"

"I think I just need to stare at the wall a little longer…" Meredith replied, and turned away from George. Silently telling him to leave her alone again. George did just that wishing that there were something he could really do.

0

It was about two o'clock and Meredith was drifting between sleep and consciousness. Her pager hadn't gone off yet and she'd run through every scenario in her head and was beginning to repeat herself. It was almost enough to lull her off to sleep, when Meredith sensed a presence in the room.

"So, I apologized to Burke." Christina said, standing over Meredith's bed.

"That's great Cristina…" Meredith mumbled, rolling over.

"He thinks he knows me. But he can't really. I mean I have to tell him things for him to know me… Right?"

"I'm hung-over Cristina…"

"So? You do some of your best work when you're drunk." Cristina drawled, before changing tone, "Help me, he knows all my feelings, my thoughts everything…soon I'll have nothing left!"

"Cristina."

"He's all, I know your going to do this, so I'll pre-empt that and I'll do this!"

"Then do something you wouldn't normally do." Meredith replied, sitting up slightly

"Spontaneity, huh?" Cristina asked, plans already forming in her head.

Meredith yawned, drawing the other intern out of her thoughts. "You look like shit."

"Get out!" Meredith yelled

"No really," Cristina laughed, not taking the other girl seriously

"I'd look a lot better if you people would let me sleep!"

"Okay, okay!" Christina quickly exited and closed the door.

Meredith was about to roll over when Cristina opened the door again, "What would I not do?"

"Go away!" Meredith replied, rolling over with the pillow. How could she even attempt to sleep when everyone wanted to talk to her?

0

George was quietly filing out forms at the nurses station. He stared over at Nurse Beaton who was checking some patient's stats on the computer. He hadn't had a page all day and he was intrigued. Was it her? She looked up and smiled at him

"Are you finished with that chart Dr.. O'Malley?" She asked casually

"Sorry?"

"I need to update it." She said with a smile, "Are you on this case?"

"Yeah." He replied.

"Well, so am I." She said moving up from the desk. "You stop his seizures last night, yeah?"

"That was me." He replied meekly, trying to find the best excuse to leave.

"You're pretty good for an intern." She said plainly and walked away before George could even pretend that Bailey wanted him to do something.

He had no idea why she was talking to him, and wished she'd stop it.

0

"I only have a small window of time where I can fix his nose with out leaving huge amounts of scar tissue. If you want your child to breath through his nose, I'm going to have to operate." Dr Sloan said persuasively.

"Which means that I have to see to the hematoma immediately."

"I just want him to see his eight birthday." The mother tried to hold back sobs.

"If you want him to see his ninth…"

"What Dr. Sloan is trying to say, is that my surgery is _not _elective." Derek interjected.

"Neither's mine" Mark replied.

"Your son is bleeding into his brain."

"But you said that could stop." The mother was becoming more and more confused.

"It is very likely that it will stop." Mark replied.

"He had a seizure Mark." Derek argued

"Doesn't mean it's not just a complication."

"No, I think it does." Derek said icily, "and as a neurologist…"

"Excuse me, doctors…" the mother tried to intervene.

"We've been through this Derek, if you're going to open him up, there's no reason why I can't restore his respiratory functions."

"Don't you have breasts to enlarge?" Derek asked.

"I'm going to go and get you some literature on rhinoplasties," the surgeon ignored the quip and focused on the mother.

"I should have the interns up at any moment to keep Sid going, depending on your choice," the neurosurgeon said.

And with that they left the bewildered mother to stare at the place where they were had been standing with the weight of her son's life on her shoulders.

0

"Meredith" Izzie was banging on the on-call room door.

"Yes." She replied, roughly opening the door and facing her friend with the best smile she could muster.

"Were you sleeping?" she asked, "'cause you look tired."

"Everyone's just full of compliments aren't they?" she replied, quickly rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

"McDreamy was looking for you." Izzie said teasingly

Meredith just groaned, "I'm not looking for him…"

"Something about convincing the mother."

"I don't think I can do this…" she replied, going back inside the room to fetch her shoes.

"Meredith, seriously, you need to pick one." Izzie said "I don't think your liver can take it much longer."

"My liver is fine, thank you very much."

"Sure it is." Izzie replied, and started to walk towards the patient's room as Meredith quickly jammed on her last shoe. She sighed, the last place Meredith wanted to be was that room.

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George was the only other person in the room when Izzie and Meredith entered. Izzie helped him with the monitor, as Meredith checked the unconscious patient's chart. Sid's injuries were becoming increasingly complicated.

"O'Malley." Mark Sloan said as he entered the room with Alex Karev on his tail, "did I ask for Decaf?"

"You didn't say…" George mumbled in reply, slightly jittery

"Alex, my preferred coffee?"

"Double-shot espresso." Alex replied dutifully.

"I don't like decaf." The plastic surgeon replied and was about to order the intern downstairs to fetch him another when Dr. Shepherd entered the room.

Meredith's job was beginning to look as complicated as the patient's chart. And the intern was feeling increasingly claustrophobic.

"Dr.. Karev, what are you doing here?" Derek asked, icily.

"He was assisting me with my previous case," Mark replied for the intern.

"Right." Derek replied, but altered his tone as soon as he noticed whom the intern hiding behind the chart was, "Meredith?"

"What?" she asked, angrily, "Can't you see I'm trying to work? I'm trying to be professional."

George shared an awkward glance with Izzie, and then they both turned to the two attendings. Mark was staring at the far corner of the room. Derek was completely taken aback

"I was going to ask you to change the IV." He replied softly. Mark quickly glanced at the other surgeon, he knew him too well and Derek was lying.

"This…" Meredith started slowly, breathing quickly with the embarrassment and pressure, "I can't be here anymore."

"Meredith." Izzie said gently, "It's ok, we have enough interns, go find another case."

"It's not just the case." She replied, looking from Derek to Mark. "I can't do it. You both want me to choose. I've been thinking about this all day and I can't…not now. I don't know how you want me to…or what you want me to do." A tear slowly rolled down her cheek.

"You don't have to make up your mind now…" Derek offered gently from the other side of the bed, but Mark couldn't agree and wouldn't look at Meredith.

"Something has to happen!" Meredith yelled "Cause this just doesn't work anymore. We can't work together. We can't talk normally. And no one's happy! Something has to happen. But I can't do it…and you know what? I didn't ask for this. You want answers? Stop looking at me like I have the answers. Both of you! I don't. You figure it out!"

And with that she ripped the stethoscope from around her neck, threw it down on the empty bed and stormed out of the room, to go and change and get out of this hospital as quickly as she humanly could.

Her absence was quickly replaced by an awkward silence. George didn't think, he just left straight after Meredith. Alex moved over to Izzie and dragged her out of the room and into the corridor.

"Are you just going to let him go?" Alex asked.

"What are you talking about?" Izzie asked, not really listening "What's Meredith going to do?"

"You don't even know what I'm talking about!" Alex said angrily and ran after George.

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_You are always in control of your life. And you can't ever forget it. Every conscious and subconscious choice you have made, has in turn made you who you are. We can try to avoid making choices by doing nothing, but even that is a decision._

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Meredith tried to fling her scarf around her neck, but she missed. She tried to knot it but it didn't look right. She gave it up and just let it hang on either side of her neck.

She stared her herself in the mirror with her face red from tears.

She knew what she was going to do…or more accurately what she was going to order. And as she came to the exit she could see the rain clouds awaiting her through the giant glass doors.

"Dr. Grey?" Came a voice from behind her.

Meredith cringed as she stopped and turned around. She had to because it was Dr. Bailey, but she didn't want her resident to see that she had been crying.

"I didn't mean to…" Meredith started.

"Leave?" Dr. Bailey asked, raising her eyebrows, but using her softer voice. "I didn't see any professional conduct in your case Dr. Grey."

"I'm sorry Dr. Bailey, but…"

"There are enough interns to cover the floor, thanks for asking." She said moving over to the intern, who stood rather numbly, unsure if she was going to be told off or not. The resident grabbed both ends of the scarf and threw them expertly around the girl's shoulders. "You tried," she said with a soft smile "and I will tell them that I expect better from them next time."

"I can't figure them out…" Meredith said hopelessly.

"Did you hear about the woman who finally figured men out?" Bailey asked.

"No."

"She died laughing before she could tell anybody." She replied with a chuckle. "Go and do…what it is you do."

"Drink…lots." Meredith replied, with a slight grimace

"Maybe you can die laughing one day too." She said, and walked away from the young doctor.

Meredith sighed, happy that not everything was falling apart. She lightly fingered the newly tied scarf and made for the door, mentally preparing herself for the Seattle rain that awaited her.

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"Dude!" Alex called after George, after he finally caught up with him and grabbed his arm to stop George running any further, "What are you doing?"

"Let go of me!" George yelled.

"What do you think you're doing?" Alex asked.

"Nothing…" George lied.

"Don't be an idiot." Alex ordered, "Open your eyes and take a look at what you're really getting yourself into."

"I'm not getting myself into anything…"

"Shut up." Alex replied, "You know what's going to happen as well as I do. You're headed to the Joe's. You know she's at Joe's. And you're going to go and do something you know you'll regret."

"I'm not going to do anything…" George protested weakly.

"You should play to win O'Malley" Alex said, "And this time, you're not gonna win."

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Alex was pretty sure that fetus was not going anywhere, and was happy to let him sit down in the waiting room. Alex had time to kill, as it probably wasn't the best time to ask Sloan for more surgeries. He spotted Izzie at the top of the staircase and decided to finish their conversation.

"What were you doing?" Alex asked as he furiously climbed the stairs, "How could you let him just…"

"Are you lecturing me?" Izzie asked, returning the tone.

"You just let O'Malley go off like that?"

"He needs to get his feelings off his chest, Alex." Izzie reasoned, "You know what he's been like."

"And what do you think he'll be like after she's rejected him? Huh?" Alex had reached the top of the stairs and was now much taller then Izzie, "You're just going to let that happen? 'Cause you know it will. You know exactly what he is getting himself into."

"I don't know how Meredith feels." Izzie said, "Meredith doesn't even know how Meredith feels!"

"Don't give me that!" Alex interjected, "You're supposed to be his friend! You supposed to do something when he is too messed up to think straight. You're a pretty shitty friend, if you ask me."

"You know, Alex." Izzie replied biting her lip angrily, "Whatever we are…you're pretty shitty at that too!"

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Take that! yeah...

so when i said that this was the longest chapter ever...i lied. i've almost finished the next one and it's already longer. so **review** and i'll see if i can get it up by the end of the week!

oh i can't do that...i'll hopefully update no matter what you think. but i'd love to hear you thoughts. i want to try really replying to them too, 'cause i got my first reply to a review and it was awesome. so say hi...and i'll say hi back!


	12. Drunk on Election Night

So, I've been taking my time on this...it's criminal i know but this is possibly my favourite chapter. really (yeah i'm going to go there). i thought it needed more work, but uh, you be the judge.

**I don't own Grey's Anatomy, **but Christmas is coming up soon (hint hint)

I MADE 200 REVIEWS...which makes me the happiest girl on the planet. and you reviewers THE BEST-est!

Ok, I get the feeling that not eveyone will be happy with this chapter. yeah. i'll appologise in advance. (but i love it, so don't tear me to shreads over it...please!) Stick with it...it gets better!

Title is pinched from a song by Dan Kelly and the Alpha Males. (i'm listening to it right now!)

thanks to rdrherrera!

i'm supossed to be studying for my bio exam tomorrow (oh dear...) oh well. (who wants to be a biologist these days anyway?) (please note: famous last words)

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**_Chapter twelve_**

** Drunk on Election Night**

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The fairy lights danced around the bar and the various fluorescent advertising signs cause the light to fly everywhere when it came to settle on the leftover tears in Meredith's eyes. She quickly rubbed them off and took a seat. It was a Friday night and even though it was only early (the air in the bar was still relatively clear) there were very few seats left. The television was on, with some person commentating on the election, but it just faded into the rest of the bar's background noise. Meredith fingered the peanuts that sat in and around the blue plastic tray. She sighed, and placed her head in her hands. When she removed them, Joe was standing opposite her with a freshly made cocktail sitting in front of her.

"Tequila sunrise." He said gesturing to the glass, "Tequila, because it's your favourite and sunrise because you need to cheer up."

"If only it was that easy…" Meredith said with a smile

"Well, this one's on me." Joe said, catching the eye of another thirsty depressive at the other end of the bar, "take it easy, okay?"

Meredith nodded, and watched as he walked over to another surgeon who had just gotten off work

"Addison." The Bartender gave a friendly greeting

"Scotch, Joe." Addison said, pulling her bag up onto the table and pulling out an uneaten sushi tray, "Lots of scotch."

"Coming right up." He replied laughing at her change in character, as he returned with a glass full of ice, and the bottle, pouring as high as he could

"Thanks." She replied, taking a huge gulp and pulling a face as she swallowed

"We do have lighter stuff…" Joe said, looking worriedly at the woman in front of him. But she was not looking at him or what petrol she had just consumed, but the intern who quickly looked away over the other side of the bar.

"Just great…" She said, looked back at the glass, sized it up and finished the scotch, leaving the ice almost untouched

"You know…you're supposed to let those melt a little." Joe said with a sigh, picking up the glass. It certainly wasn't happy hour.

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_Some times, the best way to deal with politics is to pretend that they don't exist. To ignore the news because you know that you are just one person and you can't change anything. Or to learn everything you can, and talk loudly at parties about what you think on the latest policies or whom you'll be voting for. But life is political. And while it is just as easy to ignore your own problems, some times you have to have to have an opinion and try and ignore the opinions of others. In a democracy there are no right answers, there are just ones that are better then others. You have to do what you think is right…even if you have no idea, because that's what makes up the bigger picture._

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Derek didn't even look at Mark as he left the plastic surgeon by himself in the patient's room. He didn't know that Mark and Meredith were…Addison had said that they were only pretending. The Neurosurgeon couldn't wait to take a shower and get away from this hospital. He didn't know what Meredith expected from him, but he didn't want to negotiate with Mark.

Derek liked his showers hot. He was thankful that the block was empty so he could take all the hot water. He sighed as he put his hair under and let the water cascade down his face. All he could think of was Meredith…and Addison…and Mark. Nothing was going right. As he reached for the shampoo he suddenly noticed the change in water temperature. He moved out from under the shower and wiped the water from his eyes and caught a glimpse of Mark Sloan in the steam on the other side of the shower. First he takes his wife, then his girlfriend and now he was taking Derek's share of the hot water.

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_Are pretty things just there to make you feel bad? To act as a contrast to your messed up life? To show you how you should be? How you could be? Or to drive you further into despair? Or to the drink? Or to make you so sick to your stomach that you throw that drink up?_

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Meredith didn't know what it was, but the bar was filled to the brim with couples. Happy people, like that married couple from oncology, those barely-legals making out in the corner or the permanently connected breed, who were scouting for a seat.

"Hi" Sickly sweet guy said tapping Meredith on the shoulder, she turned around and was confronted by the hugging smiling couple.

"Hi…" she said, clearly uninviting

"Me and Tanya were just wondering if you wouldn't mind moving." He said

"'Cause there are all theses one seats…"

"And no two seats!" Sickly-sweet guy finished Tanya's sentence and they both giggled.

"Sure." Meredith said. Quickly grabbing her things, before she puked or ripped them limb from limb for excessive couple-ness and incorrect grammar.

"Thanks," Tanya smiled as she took her seat.

Meredith instantly regretted her decision.

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Mark hadn't spoken a word during the shower, and as they both silently collected their things from their lockers, Derek was silently praying that it stayed that way.

"Should we talk about this?" Mark asked, stopping what he was doing and turning around to face Derek

Derek just laughed, still facing into his locker. He didn't talk to Mark Sloan unless he had to.

"Well, that's great." The surgeon replied sarcastically into the silence "it's really going to help us sort this out."

Derek picked up his things and made his way to the door, but he stopped. He couldn't go without knowing. "When did you tell Meredith?" Derek asked quietly.

"I don't have to make a spectacle to get my point across." Mark replied simply "The girl doesn't like public displays of affection when she's trying to work…for some one who is head over heals in love I'd think you'd be able to notice that."

Derek, didn't reply, he just walk out. Mark sighed and reached for his jacket. Meredith told them to work it out. That's what he was going to do

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Meredith slowly placed her bag down next to Addison's and sat down with a sigh.

"Hi."

"I don't want to talk to you." Addison said curtly.

"Neither do I" Meredith replied, leaving the two women in silence.

Addison eyed the still uneaten sushi tray and was about to fetch herself some comfort food when she knocked her drink over.

"Shit!"

"Oh god…" Meredith said, her reflexes no longer quick enough for her to remove her hand in time.

"Hang on ladies!" Joe called and ran over with a cloth. But before he got there was confronted by three more orders. He was understaffed. "Here catch!"

He threw the cloth to Meredith, who missed it completely and let it fall on the bar.

Addison couldn't help but laugh, as she reached over, grabbed the cloth and clumsily wiped the bar down.

Meredith wasn't too sure how to take the laughter, but mumbled thanks as Addison finished and left the cloth over the other side of the bar.

Addison sat back down and looked over at the intern who was avoiding her gaze "Okay I lied" Addison said with a sigh "I just want to know…do you love my husband… mean my ex husband? Cause if you do…I understand, I fully understand. I just…. you know when, you have to know?"

"Well I don't…know if I want to know or if I do know" Meredith said, laughing in the awkwardness

"Right…" Addison said slowly, "And Mark?"

"Do you think I'd be here if I knew?" Meredith asked simply, resting her head in her hands.

"I'm drunk" Addison said simply to fill the silence.

"Pretty sure I'm drunker," Meredith replied simply.

"No, you win everything." Addison slurred, "Let me win this."

"This is my thing apparently…and you want to beat me in what I do best?" Meredith replied, her alcohol kicking in.

"Ya huh." Addison replied nodding her head.

"Right." Meredith replied, signalling Joe over. "Your on!"

"Ladies?" Joe asked.

"We're having a drinking competition." Meredith said, earnestly.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Joe asked, as he went to fetch the shot glasses.

"Yeah Meredith, are you sure that's a good idea?" Addison challenged "'cause I…I drink alcohol like a …like a camel!"

"Camels don't drink alcohol…" Meredith protested

"But imagine if they do?" Addison squinted off into the distance, trying to picture a drunken camel.

Meredith looked over a tried to imitate Addison, "It's not working…"

"Well, if you could see what I see, you know that…it'd be that." Addison screw up her face after she realised what she'd seen

"You're a camel." Meredith tried to comfort her

"An alcohol camel."

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Mark caught up with Derek in the deserted car park. He had to run after him. But that was okay. He couldn't just let him go. He had to sort this out. It was freezing cold and Mark was underdressed. He could see his breaths as condensation in the cold air. But the smoky wisps of heat just made it easier to see Derek.

"You know what?" Mark called out "I didn't fight for Addison, and neither did you. We're just as bad as each other. Except this time, I'm not going to let you get away with this."

"Don't try and pull this friend shit on me, Mark Sloan." Derek replied, turning around and facing him, "You lost that chance when you slept with my wife"

"Ex-wife" Mark corrected

"And don't you even dream of trying to come between Meredith and I." Derek warned, pointing his finger at Mark

"Don't pretend you're better then me." Mark said, coolly "You took your pain out on Meredith when it should have been Addison or, or even me."

"Are you saying you're guilty?"

"Of course I'm guilty, Derek!" Mark almost laughed, "I slept with your wife."

"Ex-wife." Derek corrected, "And now you want to sleep with Meredith?"

"Well…" the plastic surgeon looked down slightly with a slight grin on his face

"I shouldn't have asked." Derek replied judgementally, "I should just expect that from you…you'd sleep with anything that has a pulse!"

"You know what?" Mark asked, loosing the grin, "No one questions your character, but you've really hurt everyone."

"Mark you've lost your chance." Derek replied, ignoring him

"All this losing my chance stuff is bullshit." Mark said, simply taking a few steps towards Derek "If anything I have…or I deserve a better chance with Meredith then you do. You know what? I think you lost _your_ chance when you slept with Addison. It came time for you to choose and you chose your wife over Meredith. That time came for me too. And I didn't pick Addison. I didn't try one to see if she was better then the other…I picked _Meredith_."

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_Physically fighting is essentially a masculine idea; a woman's weapon is her mind games. She doesn't say things…she implies them. She bottles things up. She teases. She bitches behind your back. She is calculated, cunning, manipulative…all senses that are severely impaired by the consumption of alcohol._

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"I just don't get time for me…you know?" Addison moaned, resting her head in one hand and articulating everything she said with the other hand "Take this…I'm eating my lunch…now. Not at lunch, but at ten past nine with the adulteress that ruined my marriage."

Meredith spat out her drink

"Your drunk!" Addison accused with a laugh

"I'm not drunk." Meredith lied

"Do you want some?" Addison laughed, offering her sushi tray "It's quite tasty"

"Alright." Meredith agreed meekly "It being all healthy would cancel out the alcohol right?"

"Hell yes!" Addison said as she tried to consume the whole sashimi in one mouth full

"You're so drunk." Meredith replied, doing the same

"If I'm drunk…" Addison slurred reaching for a slightly smaller piece "You're a whore…a filthy adulteress whore"

"I think you're really the adulteress here…" Meredith replied casually helping herself to another piece of Addison's lunch

"Whore" Addison said

"Slut"

"Tart."

"Skank."

"…Um, hang on…" Addison said, tapping her hand quickly on the sticky bar as she thought

"Okay." Meredith said, "how about the person who can't come up with a name for the other, has to scull something!"

"Okay." Addison said, triumphantly "you're on…Slag!

"Prostitute"

"Hooker!"

"Oh, that's a good one." Addison said, while she thought "Floozy!"

"Slapper!" Meredith retorted

"Hoe!" Addison said

"Um…" Meredith "tramp"

"Okay…" Addison pondered, "how about harlot?"

"Nice…um" Meredith bit her lip "It's coming…"

"So's Christmas." Addison replied

"Oh I got it!" Meredith yelled, attracting a couple of glances, "wench!"

"Wench?"

"You know like a pirate…" Meredith tried

"Ok…um, trollop?"

"I have never heard of that!" Meredith protested

"You've never heard of trollop?" Addison asked "'cause that's what they call you behind your back." She laughed at her own joke

"Hussy." Meredith replied, slightly pissed off, taking another piece of sushi

"Ok um, have we said slut?" Addison tried hopefully

"Yes."

"Damn." The surgeon replied, tapping her hand on the table again "I'm going to get this…"

"Do I need to call Joe?" Meredith asked playfully, slowly raising her hand

"No, no no!" Addison protested, pushing her arm back down "I am going to get this!"

"I'm going to win Addison." Meredith said cockily "just admit it."

"No you will not…you…you." Addison was struggling. "You…mattress back!"

"A what?" Meredith laughed

"A mattress back." She said, before also bursting into laughter

"I don't get it…"

"You sleep with so many men you might as well have a mattress tied to your back!"

"That's awful."

"That is a winner." Addison replied, taking the second last piece of the sushi and pushing the tray in Meredith's direction

"It's hilarious." Meredith replied, taking the last piece "but it's not a winner."

"There is none left." Addison said.

"Oh, I've been holding on to one!" Meredith said triumphantly

"No…" Addison protested

"You Bitch!" Meredith said poking the attending's shoulder

"No way!" She protested "but Mattress back!"

"Sorry." Meredith replied with a laugh, waving for Joe.

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"I've been honest with you. With Addison and with Meredith. When could you say that you've been honest?" Mark argued, heatedly "You didn't even tell her that you were married!"

"She knows exactly how I feel." Derek replied, angrily

"You can't tell me that you're the better man Derek." Mark shook his head

"I tried Mark." Derek replied, "I know you've never known what it's like to be committed to one person, but you can't just get up and leave whenever someone better comes along!"

"But you did Derek." He replied, heatedly "You left them both! You had the chance to make one of them happy; instead you made both of them miserable! You killed two birds with one stone!"

"That's a bit extreme don't you think?"

"I love her Derek." Mark said simply, the first time he had ever said it aloud, liking how it felt on his tongue

"Don't say that!" Derek spat "you don't even know what love is!"

"If you think that…" Mark replied, clearly offended "you have no idea who I am!"

"I don't need to and I don't want to." Derek replied, starting off to his car "good bye Mark."

"Well, in that case…" Mark said roguishly, "Didn't really pick you as a fighter any way Derek. I mean, you just left Addison in New York…to me. I should really be expecting you to just walk away from Meredith. You walk away when things get tough, don't you? 'Cause you know this is your last chance with Meredith, right? You just going to back away?"

"Shut up Mark." Derek replied, turning around and walking back towards him.

"That's okay." Mark replied, knowingly provoking him "it makes things a lot easier for me."

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_You cannot love a thing without wanting to fight for it. _

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Derek flung the first punch. He always was the first to resort to violence. Normally, Mark would make a conscious effort to avoid fighting, or let Derek hit him, so they could move on, but this time was different…there was no element of friendliness in this. This wasn't just about revenge. No one deserved anything. This was uncontrollable, raw anger, and this was going to continue past the first two punches thrown. Mark anticipated Derek and ducked, causing the neurosurgeon to stumble slightly.

Mark stood up slowly and Derek righted him self, both staring intently at the other. Was it always going to come to this? Probably.

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The lights from the hospital lit up from behind Mark, back lighting him. Derek couldn't see the detail in his face, but he didn't have to. He could see his face vividly in his mind, and it wasn't going away in a hurry. It was imprinted there. Every time he'd seen him in Seattle all he could think of was when he saw him with his sister in the pool, back when they were eighteen. Or when he walked into his house and saw him and Addison. And then Meredith.

"C'mon Derek!" Mark said as he straightened his jacket from his duck "do you really want to hit me?"

Derek didn't need to answer that question. He didn't miss this time. He immediately felt his hand tingle as it moved from his ex-best friends face to the air. And then it began to sting. He winced slightly as he opened his fist. He didn't have to worry: Mark was on the tarmac and Derek had never seen a more satisfying sight.

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"I'm sorry." Meredith said, drunkenly, putting her hand on Addison's shoulder

"No, I'm sorry." Addison slurred, "I really shouldn't have taken Derek off you."

"No, we shouldn't have been dating in the first place." Meredith replied in the same fashion

"And I probably shouldn't have tried the…Mark thing." She continued

"They want me too choose!" Meredith moaned, fiddling with the umbrella in her fourth tequila sunrise

"I dodged a bullet." Addison said, to no one in particular

"Who would you choose?" Meredith asked, turning to her new bar friend

"None of them." Addison replied with a drunken confidence "I, am an independent woman!"

"Really?" Meredith asked, drunkenly admiring Addison's confidence

"No…" Addison replied, her demeanour instantly changing

"No?"

"I'd take either of them!" she moaned, "what am I going to do?"

"I don't know…" Meredith replied, blankly

"Make your mind up about something!" Addison snapped, wrapping her fingers roughly around the scotch glass and finishing it off.

"I guess I'm just clinging to the past…" Meredith said quietly to fill their silence

"No, I'm divorced." Addison replied, "I am clinging to the past!"

"He really hurt me." Meredith said quietly, Addison just smiled in agreement, "I don't know if I could go through that again."

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He could feel the prickle of the tarmac on his face and a throbbing pain over his cheek. Mark groaned and brought his hand up to his cheek. Blood. He knew Derek was waiting for him to get up, but he wasn't going to fight on his terms. This was most probably Derek's first real fight. Mark Sloan fought on his terms…He waited for Derek to come to him.

"Mark?" Derek asked, walking over to the body on the ground. He bent over and immediately regretted it. Mark always played the dummy, when they played around as kids. He deserved the punch that connected with his chin leaving the sickening thud of fist to face hanging in the air and landed one surgeon beside the other.

Mark was about to get up to continue on Derek when he heard the sound of a car starting up. They both knew not to draw attention to them selves. The car rounded the cornered, and momentarily let it's headlights settle on the two surgeons. Both squinted with the sudden light, hoping that the driver didn't want to interfere. They didn't, but they lingered a little longer then usual. Allowing Derek to get a good look at Mark's face, which now had a substantial amount of blood flowing down his cheek. But before long the car rumbled past, leaving the two in a cloud of car exhaust.

"Had enough?" Derek asked, flicking the blood off his hand

"Always the quitter." Mark replied, pushing Derek. He wanted him to be more angry and less rational.

"I don't quit Mark." Derek said firmly

"You quit your Marriage. You quit Meredith for Addison." Mark said mischievously, "Then you quit your marriage again…you've got to forgive me for thinking that you might be tempted."

"You sad bastard." Derek replied heatedly, standing up

"Derek…" Mark said, standing up again, "you're just going to hurt her again, and I can't have that"

"The only person I'm going to hurt is you!" He replied and lunged for Mark.

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Addison was going to live in the future. She was going to move on! Take control of her life. She was really starting to feel the effects of her fifth scotch and could think of no better time. She was about to go and have the song changed when she turned around and spotted just who the young man sitting next to her was.

"Karev?" Addison asked slightly shocked, before dissolving into drunken titters

"Dr Shepard?" He never though she'd be one for the heavy drinking

"It's Dr Montgomery, actually…and since I am royally intoxicated," she dipped her drink in Joe's direction who gave her an amused nod of acknowledgement "Let's try Addison, shall we?"

"Okay then." He replied, talking a swig from his fourth beer for the night

"Well, then Alex…and I am going to call you Alex" Addison slurred, "don't you think it's unfair that all your slutty intern friends are screwing attendings?"

"I think she can hear you." He replied, pointing to Meredith with the neck of his beer bottle

"You're not still with that Dr Stevens?" She asked, not even hearing the last statement.

"Well…"

"I should never had left her with that quint…" the Attending turned around to Meredith, who just nodded, it seemed alcohol was taking it's effects, she was lying down on the bar with a slightly pained expression

"Any way where were we…" Addison asked, returning to Alex "they all think they can do what ever they want. Screw this person, break up this marriage, and expect to scrub in on any surgery…"

"The advantages of having breasts." Alex said, sulkily

"Well, not all the attendings at Seattle Grace are into breasts…" Addison replied blatantly, resting her hand on his arm

"Well it seems like the…oh." It suddenly hit Alex. He was usually a little quicker but he was so used to Dr Shepard being completely off limits. He chuckled slightly and took another swig of his beer.

"So, I'll take it that you and Dr Stevens..." The attending asked with a newfound smugness

"We're, um." He couldn't believe his luck, "never really dating to begin with"

Addison just gave a wonderfully drunk titter and ran a finger drunkenly down the intern's arm "So, my hotel's over…what seems like the other side of the planet. What do you say to…something here?"

"I can meet you in there if you like." Alex said motioning to the bathroom door

"Oh, I don't do subtle." Addison replied, pulling Alex off his stool. He followed obediently, sculling the remnants of his beer and leaving the bottle down at the far end of the bar.

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Mark had a firm grasp of Derek's collar. He had to, cause the hand that was pressed against his cheek was trying to have a go at his cut side, and Mark wasn't going to let that happen. They were a mess of grunts. And anger. Derek could smell Marks cologne. He had never changed it. Still the same smell…the same smell that stayed in his bed sheets for days and the smell that filled the lift when Meredith got on. He hated that smell. Derek reached out and grabbed Mark's shirt, trying to hold him still enough to get at him. But all he got was the sound of the tiny threads breaking and a quick blow to his shoulder. Mark could feel the cold air suddenly hit his skin through the tear as he stepped back.

They were panting at the same time, with the same taste of blood in their mouth. They were now bathed in the light of the hospital entrance. Having moved significantly in their tousles. They were beginning to attract an audience on the other side of the glass but Derek didn't care, and Mark had just received a fist to the stomach.

Derek let him double over, winded. While he caught his own breath. The people inside seem satisfied that they had stoped, and began to return to what they were doing. Mark hadn't and lunged for Derek.

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It was his shoulder that first connected with the pain of glass, except he kept going. He felt the glass give way and the hard surface was instantly replaced by nothing and a stinging sensation that went down his arm. He could hear the crunch of glass on the tiles as he landed and could feel what it was like to be part of a human-glass-floor sandwich. He lay on the still for a moment before rolling on to his back. He slowly turned his head to look over at the other guy lying on the floor. Little pieces of safety glass lay everywhere, dusted over the floor like little nasty raindrops. Derek moved…it was alright. A crowd was gathering around them. There was yelling, but neither could be bothered working out what was being said.

"We should probably get up." Mark said, slowly turning his head again to Derek

"I think we're making a bit a scene." Derek agreed, rolling his head around to catch Mark's eyes. But neither did anything.

"Another hour and there'll be scar tissue" the plastic surgeon said simply

"Right then." Derek replied returning to look at the ceiling as they both still lay on the ground.

"We're in trouble aren't we?"

"Probably." Derek agreed

"And I'm pretty sure there're witnesses." Mark said, sitting up to look at all the people who were starting to gather, but were still trying to keep their distance. He winced as he looked down at his bruised hand, but chuckled as he looked over at Derek and the gash in his chin.

"What?" Derek asked, still looking at the ceiling

"C'mon." Mark replied, standing up and offering his other hand.

Derek took it to help him self up. They quietly brushed themselves off, leaving a shower of the safety glass on the floor and walked gingerly to the ER. Not talking, but walking together, for the first time in over a year.

0

_Sometimes things have to break to be fixed._

0

Joe sighed as he saw Meredith collapsed on the Bar. He thought that the girl could hold a little more booze then that…especially when he only put in half the tequila into her cocktails…

"Meredith?" He asked, wondering where Addison was, "Meredith?"

There was no response, this wasn't great for business and the bar wasn't getting any emptier.

"Meredith?" he asked again, this time gently shaking her arm. There was still no response. "Meredith honey?" He said and shook the intern a little harder, only to have her fall off the bar stool on to the floor.

"Shit!" Joe swore, as he ran around the other side, and scanned his bar for hospital staff, and spotted the black nurse in the corner. "A little help?"

Meredith was lying on the ground, still unconscious. "Jesus Joe!" Nurse Tyler, as he reached down to check the intern's pulse, "You're supposed to watch how much they drink!"

"I was," He replied, worriedly "The drinks that I was mixing were virtually non alcoholic!"

The nurse's face shifted from one of blame to concern as he finished taking the intern's pulse

"Is she alright?" Joe asked tentatively

"Grab a chair!" the nurse ordered, picking Meredith up and sitting her down on the chair Joe brought over. He gently lent the intern forward.

"Dr Grey?" the nurse asked, bobbing down to her level

The intern moaned as the blood rushed back to her head.

"What's wrong Dr Grey?" the nurse asked,

"Ab…abdominal pain." She replied hazily "why's it so cold?"

"But she's sweating?" Joe asked, confused.

"Bit of help here!" came a call from the toilet door. Alex came out from the ladies carrying Addison in his arms. Joe shared a judgemental glance with Nurse Tyler before quickly fetching a chair.

"She's got it too?" Alex asked the nurse as he placed Addison in the same position "Nausea? Abdominal pain? Weakness?"

"Sweats and chills." The nurse confirmed

"We gotta get them to the hospital Joe." Alex said hurriedly

"It's not the alcohol?" The bartender asked as he ran for the phone

"Don't know what it is." The Doctor replied with a sigh. The night had such potential.

0

Miranda Bailey entered the pit, with three of her remaining interns trailing behind her. "Okay, I need two of you on sutures the other can come with me for some diagnosis work downstairs."

"Oh!" Cristina put her hand up quickly, "I love diagnosing things!"

"People, Yang." The resident corrected, moodily as she reached behind the nurses' desk for the two charts, "Stevens, O'Malley, I think that your patients are in there" she pointed to the only drawn curtain in the room.

"Where?" George asked, clueless, it had been a long day

"O'Malley!" the resident sighed, and pushed the two folders into the intern's unsuspecting arms and marched over to the curtain, "if you want to be a successful doctor you've got to…"

But she stopped as she opened the curtain. Her two bosses were sitting silently beside each other, covered in blood and bruises. The resident raised her eyebrows

"Here I am trying to teach my intern's how to act responsibly…I take it that you two 'fell over'?" she asked, sarcastically.

"That's rather accurate actually," Derek commented with a wry smile

"Interns." Mark exclaimed, "I'll need some gauze, my needle holder, and some double zero…"

"Don't you do anything." Dr Bailey interrupted, holding out her hand as warning to her interns, and left it there as she turned to the two attendings "These are _my_ interns. You are _my _patient. Last time I left _you_ with one of _my_ interns I had to give her the night off. Now _I_ am understaffed!"

"Okay." Mark said slowly, unaffected by Bailey "I'm pretty sure that I may have the credentials to help you out there."

"He's not going to suture his own face again, is he?" Cristina whispered to Izzie

"Sucks to be down with the diagnostic team…" Izzie sighed happily

Dr Bailey was about to fire again when her pager went off. "Ambulance is here," she replied, blankly "Yang come with me."

"Right…" Cristina replied, still slightly disappointed

"I'm warning you." The resident looked piercingly from one surgeon to the other, "you mess up and I'll show you what it's like to really fall."

Derek tried to laugh but the gash in his chin was making it difficult.

0

"Are you going to do your own sutures?" Derek asked

"And trust these kids?" Mark replied, "I have a very pretty face Derek and I'm not into gambling."

"You just want to show off your party trick." The brain surgeon accused

"You're just jealous that you can't remove your own tumour." Mark replied simply, as Izzie and George returned with the supplies that Dr Sloan had ordered

"Okay." The Surgeon ordered "Dr O'Malley, no offence but you're not touching my face, Dr Stevens, once you've given me my shot I'll take it from there. Then I'll talk you through Derek's."

"Mark?" Derek was confused

"You know Derek, normally I would. But it would completely defeat the point of doing it in the first place."

0

"My teeth!" Meredith cried, as they loaded her onto the bed "are they falling out?"

"Dr Grey?" The resident called out over her cries "what's wrong?"

"My teeth!"

"Your teeth?" the resident moved over to the side of the bed and grabbed the squirming girls head, and felt around her jaw, "that's psychological…what other symptoms do we have?"

"Nausea, weakness, sweating, chills and abdominal pain!" the nurse called out, "same with the other one!"

"What other one?" Dr Bailey replied, as she examined her intern's abdomen

"My teeth!" Addison screamed, as her gurney was wheeled in next to Meredith's

"Oh great…" Cristina looked from one moaning women to the other.

"Dr Yang?" Dr Bailey, looked over to her shocked intern

"Yes…" she replied numbly

"You know how they're presenting." The resident said as calmly as she could, "what would you do?"

"Oh, right." She replied, snapping back into textbook mode "I'd get blood tests, then treat the symptoms."

Just then, Meredith leant over the bed and began to throw up on the floor. "She's dehydrated," Dr Bailey called out, frustrated "get her hooked up to some fluids people…she was drinking!"

"I could really go some of that." Addison called out from her bed, her hand on her forehead, "I'm freezing, Miranda. Feel my head!"

"Addison," the surgeon said obediently checking the patient's forehead "you're running a temperature…"

"I know you think it's irresponsible for us to get so blindly drunk…. that we're hospitalised, but we were eating too Miranda!" the neonatal surgeon slurred as she watched her drinking buddy throw up the contents of her stomach

"Obviously not enough." The resident commented dryly, as she drew some of Addison's blood

"Sushi's never filling." Addison replied, "so expensive and so pretty, but never really that satisfying."

"You were eating raw fish?" Cristina asked

"Food poisoning," Dr Bailey confirmed,

"I didn't think that it got this bad in adults?" Cristina was confused

"Coupled with dehydration from alcohol" Bailey explained, "It can be aggravated. I think we may have caught it in time to do GI decontamination with activated charcoal."

"Can't we use ipecac?"

"Dr Yang. Who is the resident on this case?"

"You are, it's just that…"

"We can't have them dehydrating any more." The resident silenced the intern "we don't have much time, and we'll probably need some help, go and get Dr Stevens. Don't give me that face! They messed up their own pretty faces, they can put them back to together again."

0

Mark was sitting over the other side of the empty ER, doing his own sutures into the mirror in the nurses' station, explaining the stiches to Izzie. George was preparing Dr Shepard

"Were you fighting over her?" He asked, quietly

"Dr O'Malley…"

"I was going to go out, and see her." The intern revealed softly, "and I was going to tell her that I loved her. But um…I can't make her happy. Every time I try to do something all I do is make it worse, or make her more upset. I'm just doing it for me. I can see that he makes her happy…I mean it's crazy, cause I want to kill him every time I see him, but he does. And I'm just holding her back. I'm never going to make her happy. And even if she did pick me, I'd always know he'd be better then me…and I think that I care enough, to let her have what's good for her, you know?"

"Alright!" Mark called, as he walked over to Derek, having just finished his own sutures, tiny black lines crisscrossed through the gash on his cheek "Dr Stevens is ready to start."

"No she's not." Christina interjected, coming into the ward, out of breath "Izzie, you gotta come now."

"But, I was…" Izzie protested

"Dr Yang," Mark tried to negotiate "Dr Stevens is in the middle of helping me."

"Get George to do it." The intern replied, shakily "Izzie this is important!"

"Can't doctor O'Malley…"

"No, he can't." Cristina said firmly, grabbing Izzie's wrist "It has to be Izzie."

"What's so important that she has to go now?" George asked, hurt

"Nothing…nothing you'd be interested in." Cristina lied and dragged the uncooperative blonde intern out of the room.

"Well, I'm interested." Mark replied, looking between the two others remaining, both of whom were avoiding his gaze for different reasons. "Okay, well O'Malley, grab me my needle holders."

"I though you weren't…"

"I want to see what's going on." The plastic surgeon replied, sitting down and surveying Derek's face, "I'm not going to wait for you to finish on my friends face when I could do it easily and see what circus is in town downstairs. Comprehende?"

The intern scuttled away, feeling completely useless, leaving the plastic surgeon who was completely oblivious, immersed in his job and his…friend who was deliberating over on of the biggest choices he had ever had to make.

0

There was a small gathering of interns, doctors and nurses outside one room, and both doctors knew instantly knew that this was the interesting case. They were expecting mass mutilation or the plague, or something more exciting then the whispers of food poisoning that they overheard from the nurses in the corridor.

Mark and Derek reached the crowd just in time to see Dr Bailey close the shutters on the room, and come outside

"Are you seeing these patients?" She asked the crowd angrily "you in charge? You want to run my labs? Clean up the vomit? Or write my reports? Scram or I'll get you working in here!"

There were several disdainful mutters but the crowd quickly dispersed. Well, all except Mark and Derek, who both had tiny identical black lines cascading down cheeks and chins

"Oh no." Bailey said, roughly, standing in front of the door "you are not coming in here."

"See, now you have me intrigued." Mark said charmingly "what are you hiding?"

"Go away Dr Sloan." The resident called up to the attending

"Do you hear this?" Mark turned around to Derek, who was still slightly absent

"Dr Bailey, her fever's gone down…" a nurse poked her head out the door. Leaving a large enough crack for the plastic surgeon to spot Addison Montgomery connected to several tubes lying on a hospital bed. It didn't take the plastic surgeon any time to get past the ruffled resident

"Addison?" Mark barged into the room "what's going on? And why weren't we told?" he angrily demanded

"Dr Sloan," the Resident, "they need to rest."

"They?" the Doctor inquired, before looking over to the second bed, where another body lay dormant

"We were drinking…" Addison replied, slightly sedated, sloppily flinging a hand in the direction of the sleeping girl in the bed beside her "and then we…"

But she didn't get a chance to finish as Mark had already moved onto the other bed.

"Meredith?" He asked, grasping the intern's hand as she slowly woke from her sleep

Derek stood in the doorway and looked between the two women in his life and sighed. Mark was busy, quickly examining the intern and her chart, seeming to think that the hospital's staffs were completely incompetent

"They're stable now." The resident said, still annoyed at the surgeons complete disrespect for her authority, "we'll just keep them overnight for observation. Dr Karev said he'd stay, but I suppose…"

Mark turned and looked at Addison's guest who was sitting rather sheepishly next to her bed. The dirty mistress took one look at the intern and knew exactly what was going on

"Dude." Mark pointed to Alex, who has miss-buttoned his shirt.

"Shit…" Alex whispered, embarrassedly, trying to fix himself up as quickly as possible, Addison tried covering her eyes to pretend it wasn't happening. But Mark just laughed.

"Nice moves Karev."

"My banana bag hasn't kicked in yet," Addison moaned, "I don't like being high and drunk with all of…_you_ in here."

"I think you have the better end of the deal," Derek said, looking from bed to bed, obviously uncomfortable with the love pentagon that had emerged so suddenly.

"What happened?" Meredith asked slowly, sitting up.

"You got food poisoning with complications due to alcohol consumption…" Mark said, returning to Meredith's bed

"I know that." Meredith said, looking from doctor to doctor "I'm talking about your faces."

0

_You show people what you're willing to fight for when you fight your friends. They may not have entirely been you friends to begin with, but friendship is a hard thing to loose…and love is a hard thing not to fight for_.

0

* * *

So... 

you still there? awesome.

Okay, i have two questions:

a) Alex and Addison - is it on? or is it just too strange? or do we like it that way?

and

b) This fic could possibly finish within two chapters, really. Do you want more? (i have plans...) or somthing different? (still have plans...and not pissy plans that will be easily foiled by a guy with great hair dressed in a tux. i'm talking big plans)

Please review! pretty pretty pretty please? i will love you forever. (thats a promise)

(on second thoughts, plans could easily be forgotten by presence of said man with great hair, tux, etc.)


	13. I Love the Rain the Most

**I'm back!**

Really.

I'm also sorry...how can i ever make it up to you?_**  
**_

**Disclaimer: I don't own it**...nope nothing...except, a lot of my ideas have been popping up recently - its purely coincidental. i think i'll write a massive topless scene...mm wouldn't that be nice: 'what do you mean there are no male scrub tops?' 'in the entire hospital?' 'nope nothing'_**  
**_

title is take from a Joe Purdy song...you all know it!

big thanks to rdrherrera for taking to time to look over this!

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okay quick **recap**. Mark and Meredith started/pretended to go out to break up the Shepard's marriage. It worked, but now Mark has feelings for Meredith and Derek has left his wife for the lusty intern. George was being paged constantly, all over the hospital, and to make matters worse a cute nurse from the third floor keeps flirting with him. Cristina's having Burke issues. Meredith always has issues, and goes to drown her sorrows at the bar, only to meet her new drinking Buddie: Addison...and a bad case of food poisning. Mark and Derek had a punch on in the car park, and seem to be getting along. Did I mention that Alex and Addison started hooking up the the bar bathroom? 'cause i should.

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_**Chapter 13**_

**I Love the Rain the Most**

0**  
**

"So if you just sign here, you'll be free to go Dr Grey." The Nurse said with a smile. Meredith just smiled back. And then promptly scrawled her name on the line at the bottom of paper in front of her. She didn't need to read it; it was the same as every other sheet that she had given happily to a patient

"Oh, Dr Bailey wanted me to tell you that it's probably best if you didn't drive home." The nurse said, taking the pen off Meredith and putting the lid on it, "is there anyone I can call?"

"Well…" Meredith started, but she couldn't finish. There was no one that she could call that could drop everything and come and pick her up. The only people she knew were all at work. They were in the same building, but might as well be on the other side of the planet. She smile up at the nurse, "I think I'll be fine."

"There's no one?" The nurse asked, "You really can't drive, you've had a lot of drugs through your system.'

"There's people…" She replied defensively, but she knew that there was no one in her life that wasn't inside this hospital, that could pull themselves away at the drop of a hat to take her home. She didn't blame them of course, if she had the choice she'd be in the exact same place.

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_You can spend years preparing for something and when it comes just let it whoosh right past you. No matter how much work you have done, you have to make that step for anything to count. It is surprising what you can do when you have to…and how little most of us will do when we don't have to. And you can tell yourself what ever you want, but that opportunity's slipped through your fingers_.

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Cristina, Izzie sat around the table in a conversation deadlock. They were too consumed in their own problems to even bother contemplating each other's.

"Oh I'm so glad I found you!" Meredith exclaimed as she walked out into open cafeteria.

"You feeling better?" Izzie asked, still quiet.

"Much…" Meredith replied as she sat down.

"That's good." Cristina said absently

"What's going on?" Meredith look between her two friends

"Nothing…" Izzie replied quickly

Meredith just raised her eyebrows, "nothing?"

"Should something be going on?" Izzie asked innocently

"It's just that…" Meredith started, but was interrupted by the sound of two pagers simultaneously going off.

"911…" Cristina said, standing up quickly, "c'mon Izzie we have to go."

"Yeah," the blond replied, quickly fixing her hair, and turning to Meredith before she left "you should go too."

Meredith just sighed. There was no way she was going to find a lift home.

0

Meredith had sat in the cafeteria all morning. Staff would come in and out of the building and ask her how she was doing and to tell her to go home (although none would take the extra step of dropping her there.) Cristina had joined her in an effort to both avoid Burke and surreptitiously get a head start on the hospital gossip.

"I asked them to work it out." Meredith moaned into her coffee

"Which was such a good idea!" Cristina replied sarcastically

"It's not my job to talk to them. I asked them to figure it out. They're friendly and they've had their…fight…they'll come to me."

"How long ago…"

"Four days." Meredith sighed, "I don't want to push him…do I?"

"Do you want an answer?" the Asian intern drawled

"If he had one, he'd come and talk to me."

"Ooh. Who's he?" Izzie asked, as she sat down at the table

"Yeah, who _were_ you talking about?" Cristina realised

"So." Meredith looked awkwardly from one intern to the other "How's Burke?"

"Oh, don't even try and change the subject." Cristina warned with a sly laugh

"What have you done to Dr Burke?" Izzie was interested

"Look what you've started." Cristina sighed,

"He thinks she's becoming predictable." Meredith explained with a smile "so she wants to surprise him

"You know I'm just not going to do it." Cristina said, "I am a different interesting person, I tried very hard to be different and look at what he's doing to me? He's putting me into a box!"

"Maybe it's good that he knows you?" Izzie suggested

"Maybe he expects me to do something different, so I should just remain the same…"

"Seriously?" Meredith laughed

"_A box_ Meredith!" Cristina moaned, "that's me, and he is pushing me inside!"

"Dr Grey?" Addison spotted the intern from across the cafeteria floor

"Dr…Montgomery." Meredith replied, surprised.

"You're alright?" The Surgeon asked as she approached the table.

"Oh yeah. Discharged this morning" The intern said, noticing the awkwardness growing at the table "You're allowed to practice?"

"Not strictly," Addison gave a smile "But being an attending does have its advantages."

"Sure." Meredith replied, glancing awkwardly at Izzie, causing the attending to do the same.

"Well, just want to see if you're okay. Which you are. 'Cause it was kind of my fault. Really." Addison struggled to get the words out. "Well, I'm just going to go."

"Oh, okay." Meredith wasn't as surprised as she sounded "see you 'round."

"Bitch…" Izzie whispered as soon as the attending was out of earshot "Who does she think she is?"

"C'mon Izzie." Cristina warned

"I want to kill him." The blond replied angrily

"I probably could have stopped it." Meredith said slowly

"When you were unconscious on the floor of the bar?" Cristina asked sarcastically

"She said something about the past or the future and Alex being or not being in it…" Meredith tried to remember

"Really deep." Cristina replied before returning to Izzie

"Is it cause I'm not pretty?" Izzie asked "or am I not successful enough for him?"

"George!" Meredith yelled as she spotted the other intern from across the other side of the courtyard. The other two turned their heads just in time to see George make a quick glance to their table and make a very awkward goodbye with a smiling nurse from the third floor.

"Is she giggling?" Cristina asked disgustedly

"Is he flirting?" Meredith replied

"I think that's George flirting…" Izzie said surprisedly, but suppressed it as George approached the table. "Who's that nurse?"

"What nurse?" He asked, placing his tray table down and bracing himself for the barrage of questions

"I think she likes you!" Meredith said,

"Who me?" He replied as casually as he could

"Who's the nurse?" Izzie asked again.

"Oh you mean Jodie?" he asked

"She's still giving you the eye George." Cristina teased, still looking at where her intern friend had been

"Stop staring." George hissed, unwrapping his sandwich and throwing the wrapper at Cristina

"Jodie, huh?" Izzie teased, "Why haven't I heard about her before?"

"Oh, you know…" George tried to shrug her off, "it's nothing serious."

"Don't look now George," Cristina teased, "but lover girl's coming this way"

"If you say anything…" He warned as Jodie approached

"George, I was just wondering if you could pick me up at eight instead of seven see I have a shift that…" but she stoped as she suddenly noticed the stares from the three amused women sitting around the table.

"That's fine." George replied quickly, "I'll see you at eight then?"

"Great…" She replied, and quickly darted out of the cafeteria. Although not quite quick enough to miss the cries of laughter and teasing that erupted from her new date's table.

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_Why do we lie to ourselves? Why do we make excuses for not doing something that we should? It's because we're afraid. Afraid we won't find love. Afraid that if we do have it we'll loose it and then if we don't have it that we'll be unhappy._

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Meredith decided to follow rounds. There was nothing else to do and her still being here was Bailey's fault. The first patient was a mildly attractive man, with some sort of foot injury, younger patients we always more exciting then the elderly ones.

"Patient is Cameron Roberts, twenty four, base jumping accident." Izzie presented

"Base jumping?" Cristina raised an eyebrow

"Rush of your life." He replied, with a smile

"Okay Stevens, patch him up and then send him down to ortho for that ankle" Dr Bailey ordered, absently reading the chart, "and then get him in the line for a CT,"

"Right." Izzie replied, as the group turned to leave. She grabbed Meredith's arm. "Help me out here?"

0

"You're not going to go back are you?" Meredith asked as Izzie did the first suture

"Yeah…" The patient replied

"But you could've died…" Izzie said.

"I'm not dead am I?" he replied simply

"No."

"Just a little bit of pain…and what's that in three months time?"

"Aren't you just a little bit afraid?" Meredith asked

"That's the point." He replied

"Sorry?"

"Why else would a person throw themselves off a bridge or a mountain?" He said with a laugh, "It's about the rush, the fear, the adrenaline."

"You enjoy being afraid?" Meredith was confused.

"No." The base jumper replied "Your only rationally afraid of something life-changing happening to you…and what would life be like if it never changed? I don't enjoy being afraid; I enjoy what I get when I face my fears. After you take that leap…you're flying. You're a human being and you're flying. And that fear that you were feeling before…it means nothing once you step off that cliff."

0

Meredith had all the interns meet her again for lunch. If the weren't going to take her home they could at least keep her company.

"Okay, so I think someone's been stalking me." George said, relieved to get it off his chest

"Someone'd want to stalk you?" Cristina laughed

"Shut up!"

"No really Bambi," She replied, trying to hold it back "I'm intrigued."

"Well, I think I know who it is." He said uncomfortably "Do I talk to them?"

"Who is it?" Izzie said, "If it's some giant orderly…I'd go less talk and more restraining order."

"No, I think it's one of the nurses on the third floor." George said slowly

"You're afraid of talking to a nurse?" Cristina sniggered

"she's not just a nurse…"

"Oh my god it's _the _nurse!" Izzie exclaimed

"What's this?" Alex asked, sitting down at the table

"George has a…" But Cristina couldn't finish; as Izzie promptly tried to leave the table left the table

"Izzie…" Meredith grabbed her arm

"Why'd you do it?" the blond intern asked Alex angrily "is it the attending thing? Cause that's been done before and we can all see how far it's got them!"

"Hey!" Meredith protested, releasing Izzie

"I'm going." Izzie said frostily, batting away Meredith arm "Don't touch me!"

"Well," George said, trying to fill the subsequent silence "Cristina I guess it's just you me and the two passengers on the Shepard train. By the way…." The intern looked between Alex and Meredith "How's that working out for you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about O'Malley." Alex replied smugly

"Seriously Alex. I was there." Meredith raised her eyebrows

"I don't kiss and tell." Alex said, finishing with his mocking smile

"Alex she almost threw up in your mouth!" Meredith said, "That's the kinda thing you tell."

George was about to go in for the kill when he suddenly caught Alex's eye. They shared a little secret and sudden George wasn't at liberty to say anything demeaning to the other intern.

"Is it bad if the girl you're dating happens to be your stalker?" George asked, returning to his niggling problem

"If she has to stalk you man, your obviously not giving her enough." Alex replied smuggle through a mouthful of lunch

"So would you still date Burke if he stalked you?" George asked Cristina

"Ah no."

"McDreamy or McSteamy?"

"What and complicate it more?" Cristina laughed

"It's complicated enough as it is without them stalking me…actually I might see them a little more." Meredith said

"It could be helpful." Cristina replied, knowing just how much of a lost cause Meredith was

"Would you still be doing Addison if she was you stalker?"

"Well she's Mc Hot." Alex said simply

"Oh that's just great." Cristina said, "If she's attractive she can do what she wants?"

"Pretty much."

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Meredith sat outside the Gallery, waiting for the next surgery. Dr burke was doing a valve replacement which was bound to be exciting. She sighed, fiddling with her silent pager, whishing for someone to talk to. Izzie found her ten minutes later.

"So who are you with?" Izzie asked excitedly

"Who am I with?" Meredith asked as if she wasn't expecting the question,

"As in currently dating, Meredith."

"Well…"

"No way!" Izzie laughed at her friend's procrastination efforts, "just pick one they're obviously not going to do it."

"Izzie." Meredith protested, "This is not talk about Meredith's problems day. I have just been discharged, I was hospitalised. I was sick. I was a patient. I had a chart that people look at and nurses telling _me _what to do. Can't I have just one day off? One day when we don't all have to discuss my problems every time we talk? And any way...you were the one who walked off."

"I don't want to talk about it." Izzie replied, her mood changing instantly

"See, you know what it feels like. Now we're even…" but as soon as Meredith spoke, the conversation stopped.

"We don't have anything else to talk about?" Izzie asked into the silence, "do we?"

"No…" Meredith sighed. "I take it that you can't take me home yet?"

"No." Izzie replied, glancing up at the clock on the wall, "Have to take Mr Roberts down to radiology…"

"Of course…" Meredith sighed, as her friend left her in her seat. She was never going to leave this hospital.

0

With all the spare time that Meredith had she had not only watched almost every surgery but also formulated an idea. She called everyone down (except Alex) to the cafeteria again to share.

"So we all have something we need to do." Meredith said, looking around the table

"There's no _need _to do anything," Cristina pointed out, "that's the idea behind procrastination."

"You like to gamble…" Meredith started

"You like to drink." Cristina retorted, taking offence

"No, I mean, lets make a wager." Meredith replied, exasperated "bets on who the first person will be to…just do it."

"Ok I'll do twenty-five on Alex making a move on Dr Montgomery and being turned down." Izzie said angrily, causing the others to share an uncomfortable glance

"Do we have to bet on the outcome as well?" George said, eyeing the green note on the table.

"Ok." Cristina said, pulling out her wallet, "I bet you," she pointed to Izzie, "will crack with all that…anger you're holding in and will have a yelling match with Alex in the corridor."

"Excuse me?"

"What outcome?" Meredith asked, eyeing Izzie nervously

"Depends if Alex sees the possibility of make up sex…" Cristina said, matter of factly

"You have seriously lost all of that." Izzie replied moodily

"I bet on Cristina." George said quickly, trying to change the subject "She doesn't like to loose."

"Oh and she's not going to." The intern in question replied indignantly, taking all the money off the table and putting it in her left scrubs pocket as she stood up.

"Hey!" Meredith protested, also standing up "Stop running off with the pot!"

"I have money in there too!" George joined in

"I have to go and get…" Cristina pointed awkwardly to Izzie "money."

"It's okay…" Izzie said, grabbing her empty cup and leaving the group "just pretend I don't exist…he did!"

0

They found Alex in the halls.

"I'll go with O'Malley." Alex said, passing Cristina a note between two fingers, "That dude needs some action."

"So that's what…two for George and none for me?" Meredith asked, slightly hurt "What is it about me that makes you think I have no backbone?"

"Well…this has been going on for how long?" Cristina asked

"And you haven't done anything yet." George said

"A little bit of faith?" She asked timidly

"Sorry, my faith is not worth twenty-five bucks…" Cristina replied

"How about a ride home?" Meredith tried, looking too the rest of her friends

"I gotta go Meredith…" George replied

"Surgery." Cristina chimed, leaving abruptly

"Don't look at me." Alex said as he was left alone with Meredith. "I have something to do too."

0

Derek had found Addison down in the NiCU. He never asked for advice and she never offered it. But some how she was the least objective person that he could talk to.

"Ok." Addison said, staring at the baby "here's how I see it: The old Mark wouldn't care about you or even if Meredith loved you, he'd just take what he wanted. But now, that you are friends again…and I want to know what's going on there. He's changed. And he doesn't want to hurt either of you. Meredith is steadily killing off any brain cells she has left to make this decision with, and can't decided with so much hanging over her head like this."

"What are you saying Addison?" Derek asked quickly

"That it's all on you Derek." Addison replied simply, removing her finger from the baby's grasp and looking straight at her ex-husband. "You have the opportunity to make her happy, to make her more upset, or to have Mark back…"

"This isn't about Mark." He replied quickly

"Sure it isn't." Addison said sarcastically "But, seriously and not to bring up us…but you didn't choose her when you had the chance. There must have been some real reason."

"I was married."

"Oh c'mon Derek." Addison reasoned, "I had cheated on you and you had moved out of our house. You were so pissed off you had to move to an entirely different state! We weren't talking, you weren't wearing your ring, I seamed to remember you not wanting me here, trying to get Richard to send me back home and for some reason…you preferred that over her."

0

Izzie spotted Alex on the upper tier and looking out at the large glass windows as the clouds approached the hospital. He looked calm and almost happy. And that just wasn't fair.

"So, you and Dr Shepard?" Izzie said icily, standing next to him looking out the same window

"It's Dr Montgomery." Alex corrected, absently

"We weren't finished Alex." She replied, turning to face him

"Okay then" He said, reading himself for the fight "what were we?"

"You can't go and screw any woman in a bar and then expect to come back to me."

"We didn't have sex." He said defensively

"But you were going to."

He didn't reply

"What were we to you?"

"We weren't anything Izzie!" Alex said, dejectedly "You had a chance to make us something…and you didn't. I can't keep waiting."

"When were you going to say that, huh?"

"I did."

"No you didn't!"

"Izzie…"

"You didn't!"

"Look Izzie," Alex sighed, as he turned to leave "I don't expect you to take me back…"

0

That evening Derek found Mark in his office.

"I scheduled the OR for eight o'clock tonight."

"Tonight?" Mark asked, looking over his paperwork "Aren't you leaving it a little late?"

"The bleeding slowed, the board is crazy and then he is exactly eight years and one day."

"So his head's fine?"

"We relieved some of the pressure the other night. MRI was good, I'll have to remove a miniscule clot, but I think he'll be fine. You can do his nose at the same time."

"Wow." Mark said with a slight smile "there's something we haven't done in a while…"

"Yeah…" Derek paused "you love her don't you?"

"I said that Derek," Mark laughed "C'mon, I didn't hit you that hard."

"No, be serious Mark."

"I am serious Derek."

"Right." Derek sighed, "Well how ever this goes…I want her to be happy."

"That makes two of us."

"Yeah…well do your best." The neurosurgeon said, and quickly exited

"Derek?" Mark got up and yelled down the corridor

"See you at eight Mark." He replied without turning around

0

Normally on Thursdays, Alex would catch a lift with Izzie. He ran in to work, so he didn't have his car. It was her idea. One would wait for the other and they'd go out, still in their scrubs, and get some fast food and talk. Well, Alex wasn't all that interested in the hospital gossip, but he liked what happened afterwards. He probably should have though about it before leaving his car at home. As he stared out into the Seattle rain, he realised that she wasn't going to meet him. And that wasn't a good sign.

A small car drove up to the entrance. It was a woman's car. The kind that Alex knew was worth a perve at the lights. The door to the passenger side opened and Alex heard a very distinctive voice from inside

"Get in the car Karev!"

"Dr Shepard…" He approached the car

"No talking," She said, leaning over the passenger seat so Alex could see her "this is going straight to my hotel, take it or leave it."

Alex took it.

0

George took Meredith's four-wheel drive. Izzie had suggested it as a mean of appearing more masculine, but he was still trying to understand why Meredith would drive a stick. He pulled up outside Jodie's apartment and she was standing under the patio waiting for him, but before he could even find the umbrella she had quickly jumped into the car.

"It's a little wet outside." She said with a laugh

"I was trying to find the umbrella." George replied, "I just don't know where Meredith keeps it…"

"Dr Grey?" Jodie asked, "Is this her car?"

"Yeah, I mean no," George struggled, "I mean I have a car…it's just…at the mechanics"

"Alright." She said with a slight laugh, "what are we waiting for."

"Oh right…" George said, and moved to turn the keys in the ignition, but couldn't. "I just have to know…"

"What George?"

"Have…have you been stalking me?" He stuttered

"What!" Her voice changed instantly

"Paging me, incessantly…at all hours of the day!"

"You think I did that?" she asked angrily

"You were the only one there at geriatrics when I was paged the other day." George tried "Who else could it be?"

"I wasn't the only one in that room Dr O'Malley." She said heatedly, grabbing her handbag, "But I'll tell you what, you're going to be the only one at that dinner reservation."

"Jodie…" George started, but it was too late. She had already gone out into the rain, slamming Meredith's car door into his face.

0

The house was filled with the sounds of rain on roof and little else. Meredith had come home and had changed into something more comfortable. As she came down the stairs she smelt the all too familiar smell of baked goods and raced into the kitchen.

"Meredith he wasn't just being a man-slut." Izzie said slowly, as she stared at the chocolate cake, still in its tin on the chopping board.

"No…Izzie, look…"

"No he wanted a relationship and I didn't…" She tried to hold back her tears

"Really?" Meredith said sympathetically "So then this is a good thing?"

"It's not a good thing…" Izzie started, but was interrupted by a knock at the door.

"That date must have gone well." Meredith sighed

"Other people suck…" Izzie replied, "Tell him I have some cake."

Meredith slowly left the kitchen for George. Surprised that he didn't have his key, especially when he though he was going to be out a little later. She was surprised again:

"Hey" Mark said as Meredith opened the door on him, still in his scrubs but with a black leather jacket over the top

"Hey."

"How are you feeling?" He asked

"Much better." She smiled

"That's good."

"Do you want to come in?"

"I've actually got another surgery in twenty minutes."

"Oh, right." Meredith said, awkwardly "so um, why are you…

"Here? Right here? Now?" He asked seriously

"Yeah…"

"Because I hate Seattle. No one I know does anything on the weekends. You can't cook pizza and there's all this hype about the coffee but nothing I've tasted could beat the stand that was on the corner of my block _and_ you people gave the world starbucks. You can't go through one day at this hospital without finding out about everyone else's sex lives in repulsive detail. The city is dead by one o'clock in the morning." He stopped and smiled "But I love it. I love the hospital food. I love knowing what Kyle in Radiology would do if he were me. I love that Seattle has this crazy hospital. And all this rain…I love the rain the most."

"The rain?" Meredith asked amusedly

"Oh yeah." He flashed her a cheeky smile, and pulled something out of his pocket "There's also this intern, who left a stethoscope behind the other day…I don't mind her either."

"I've been looking everywhere for that! I though I was going to have to buy another one!" She said, before realising why he might really be there "Are you going to?"

"Do you want me to?"

0

The chief's fishbowl office was the same as ever. Derek knew immediately why the chief had asked to see him. Gossip travels faster then the speed of light in this place. Talking to the chief would mean that he'd have to make up his mind, and Derek didn't know if he could do that right now.

"I hear you have until tomorrow to make up your mind, I would have though that you'd talk to me about this Derek?"

"It's been a messy week Chief." He sighed

"Have you made up your mind?" Dr Webber pressed

"I'm still considering my options."

"Well are you going to ask me if you can leave?" the chief of surgery was slightly hurt.

"What would you say?" Derek replied

"I'd like to say no. That you one of the greatest surgeons this hospital's ever seen." Richard stopped, "Hang on…You're not just doing this so that I'll promise you chief of surgery over burke?"

"No." Derek laughed

"It'd be a shame to loose you Derek, and I'll do all that I can in order to let you stay. But there's no point if you're just going to be unhappy. You're a better surgeon when you happy. And I could understand if you can't do so here."

0

"You can't just come here with nothing worked out Mark." Meredith warned, "I'm not an easy girl."

"No your not." He agreed with a wry laugh

"Have you…" She started

"I really want to kiss you."

"Have you?" She repeated

"I could have given that stethoscope back days ago." He said slowly moving out to his car. Not bothering to even react to the rain "but I chose to do it now."

Meredith took one glance back in to warmth of the house, before running out into her front yard. He'd stopped outside his car, and she ran up next to him, staring up at him as the rain started to find her. Tiny droplets hitting her scalp and cascading through her hair.

"I hoped that you picked it up." She said, quietly, both of them staring at each other as the rain began to soak their clothing.

They couldn't wait any longer. She grabbed him and kissed him, running her fingers through his damp hair. The warmth of his body was a stark contrast to the cold of the rain. She pulled back and looked up at him, both beaming at each other.

0

_Some people stand out in the rain. Others just get wet._

0

And meredith and mark? they stand out in the rain!!

I'm not as happy with this as i have been with other chapters...but i HAD to write something, so this is what you get. Sorry. There will be more...and it's going to get a hullava lot more complicated!

I know I've been bad with my lack of updates...I don't deserve your reviews (but it doesn't mean that i don't still love you!)


	14. Epilogue

I took a huge leap and showed this story to a real person for the first time and I'd like to dedicate this chapter to my friend Courtney who insisted that I finish it. I m so sorry to every person that read my work and was left wanting, I m hoping that anyone who still wants to give my story some time a has little bit of closure with this...

Grey's Anatomy does not belong to me :)

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**Epilogue **

The ride wasn't smooth, but it was a welcome change. The airplane had been stifling, and although the air seemed to suck every bit of moisture from the air it was good to be able to move a little. 'Move a little' was probably an understatement. There were no seat belts in the back seat and with every bump of the dirt road Meredith was worried that her head would hit the canopy of the jeep

There were so many reasons for her not to be here. For one, people were worried about her safety. And while the large silent man with the gun that was sitting across from her did nothing to calm her on that matter, the most important person had put her at ease before she even signed her papers. She was sorry to be leaving Christina all alone. She'd just found an engagement ring in Burke s apartment and had sent Meredith a furious email asking if she should propose to him in order to show him what it was like to be put upon like that. But the truth was that she barely cared where she was, or who she was missing.

That the political situation was complicated or that she might be truly out of her depth. He had asked her to come away with him. To leave the zoo that was Seattle Grace, for the savannah with him if only for a little while.

"No more old people!" he laughed, and then looked at her seriously "I've always wanted to really make a difference."

What he didn't realise was that he already had.

0

"Ah, le medicines sans frontiers!" said the woman coming out of the tent, that was to be Meredith s new Seattle Grace "I thought there were two of you?"

"Yes," Meredith replied with a smile as she jumped down off the back of the jeep. "My partner s riding in the next car."

As if on cue, the cloud of dust rose in the air signalling the incoming vehicle. It skidded to a halt in the dirt. The zipper came undone and another man carrying an identical gun to her previous fellow passenger got out. The next man threw out his bag first and then jumped out himself. Mark Sloan was wearing a safari vest and wide smile.

"I'll go and get some one to show you to your lodgings." The woman said quickly, returning to the tent.

"You ready?" He asked, coming up to Meredith and kissing her on the head.

"You re only asking that now?" She asked, smiling up at him.

"I sure am." He replied, "Just when it's too late for you to go back with out me."

"I guess I'm lucky this is exactly where I want to be." She replied

"So am I." Mark replied

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My everlasting thanks for reading! xo


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